One Womans Dream

Skinny Friday: A ray of sunshine

2012-01-27T08:24:00.001-06:00

My weight-loss quest has been bleak at best lately. I just couldn't get past my manic need for large quantities of all things unhealthy for me.

This week, though, while I did not stay on any kind of a diet and only exercized once, I actually have results to post! Hallelujah!

Krista's Skinny Friday Results:

Week: 2 pounds skinner
Total Skinny Friday: 6 pounds skinner
Total Weight loss since August, 2010: 17 pounds

SO yeah rah for 2 pounds!

This came mostly with "doing" more around the house, and not snacking nearly as much as I was. I think this was just my bodies initial shock to not quite so much food! But, I'm hoping/praying I can get on a roll and keep lessening that food intake, doing more, and eating a little better. My goal is to get back on the "roll" I was in last year when I lost my initial 15 pounds.

The keyword for this week is: SELF-CONTROL.

I teach it to my kids, but it's SO SO SO hard to teach it to myself.

My daughter once told me, "I can't help it if I hit my sister. She just makes me so mad and my arm just hits her."

This led to a discussion about the choices we have in life, and how no one "makes" us do pretty much anything. We have self-control, meaning we control our actions. It also was a good discussion about sin and how having Jesus breaks the power sin has over us.

Back to weight-loss. I'm trying to remind myself that I have POWER over my eating habits, over my exercise habits. They are choices that I make, and no one MAKES me down a 2 liter of Coke in a day (only slight exaggeration...)

And really, this can be applied to all areas of our lives. Not just weight-loss.

But worry.... and spending habits... and cleaning habits... and a whole lot of other things that we (read I) have issues with.

Now, let's all sit down in a circle, hold hands, and hum really loud to bring out our inner skinny people---

Or, just eat less and do more, kay?

Or.... you could take to eating shoes instead of food like Annabelle... (see picture)

So, how did YOU do this week? And what are some things you can try to muster up some self-control and conquer this next week?

Readjusting and Situating

2012-01-25T09:39:00.000-06:00

We've been doing some readjusting around the Phillips' household.

It is called, "Trying to Keep Sane."

I usually don't like to make a lot of changes in habits at the same time. It gets overwhelming. But as a family, we've picked up some bad ones and haven't really gotten into any type of acceptable "groove" since being "reunited" last summer.

So what have we changed?

Well, we moved the kids rooms around. It's not a perfect solution, but it gives them a little more breathing room (and the ability to actually CLEAN their room, which was almost impossible before.)

And we've implemented a new snack-time procedure in our house, as our previously this was a source of yelling and fighting. We now have a "mommy picks it out and you eat it or go hungry" policy. They don't mind this, since if I forget to set something out, they get to have whatever they want per our new rules. They are banking on me forgetting... but I'm thinking broccoli sounds good this afternoon... MUHAHAHAHA!

Homework is another change we've made. Grades have been slipping a little around here, and our scattered homework time is largely to blame. So, instead of after dinner, homework will now be done immediately after coming home.

Less you think all the changes are about my kids, the last change is one for me.

I'm still anti-schedule for myself. I know I would fail at it, and given annabelle's billion appointments, keeping a set schedule is virtually impossible. Instead, I am setting a goal to get ONE THING DONE per day. Previously, I'd make myself a list of like 10 things I wanted to get done, and I'd do none of them because I'd get frustrated when time slipped away. So far, my new method is working decently.

Monday I cleaned my room which I hadn't done in ages. (It was bad. Trust me.)

Tuesday, I cleaned Lacy and Gabby's new room. It had yet to be cleaned/organized since we moved them, so the floor was completely covered with their junk. They were pretty amazed when they came home, which made Momma smile.

Today, Annabelle's room is my goal. Wish me luck!

So, those are our major changes. I have more changes in my head, but I figure that's enough habits to work on for now! WISH US LUCK!!!!

And a little video for your viewing pleasure... someday I'll take one that is better than the blurry video on my phone!! This is Annabelle playing with her toy at OT.

Annabelle and her glasses

2012-01-23T08:17:00.000-06:00

So far, we've averaged about 10 minutes a day for Annabelle's glasses. I haven't tried patching yet, hoping to get her more used to her glasses first before I introduce that!

I'm a little more okay with it today. Just had a nervous breakdown on Friday, me thinks. Glasses aren't the end of the world, and they are totally normal, this I know. I have two other kiddos in glasses, and myself, and my hubby. We keep eye centers in business!

Still have no clue how to make her keep them on for more than a second. Those ten minutes are with me sitting with her and putting her hands down every two seconds to keep from taking them off.

And when she sees me coming with them, she cries and crawls the opposite direction! She is one smart cookie!

But anyway, I promised pictures, so here they are!

Trying on the store's pair. Holy every-lovin' terror.

The teacher look. "Mom. Get. Them. Off. Now."

Maybe if I close my eyes long enough, they'll disappear...

Crap, they're still there. Didn't work...

And this is just a cute picture. Annabelle and I went to our first "play-date" on Friday morning. She came home, I put her on the floor, she laid down immediately, and fell asleep. Play-date tuckered her out!!!!

Glasses Suck (and a mini-skinny friday update)

2012-01-20T17:00:00.002-06:00

Skinny Friday Update: I failed. It was a bad week. I'm about even or up a pound.

Bootstaps: pulled up.

Operation: Do better next week.

As a side note, my husband is doing amazing. Putting me to utter shame. Gotta get my A game on and beat him!

Yucky note:

Went to the eye doctor yesterday. Annabelle has to have glasses.

We also have to "patch" one eye two hours a day.

Hmmm... YOU try putting a patch over an 18 month old's eyes for 2 hours a day and wearing (on top of the patch) glasses on the same face that had tubes out gallore this past year and she is sensative about and lets NOTHING near.

Yeah, this is not good. Not good at all.

I know she needs it. I just...

I'm mad. Okay, maybe not mad. But irritated. At God.

I just want to scream, "REALLY???? You don't think she's been through enough???"

I know. It's dumb. It's just glasses. A ton of people need them. It's not a big deal.

But I'm struggling with this. I cried in the eye-glasses store today (right along with Annabelle.)

And I'm overwhelmed. I LOVE being home with my Annabelle, but between meds and feeds and doctors appointments and therapies not to mention taking care of my other three kiddos, my writing, and trying to keep up with the house (which I've been utterly failing at...) I'm now adding wrestling daily with my daughter to keep glasses and an eye patch on.

Oye.

Okay, I'll stop complaining. because really it's not about me that I'm frustrated with. It just hurts my heart to have to add this to Annabelle. She's adorable, glasses or not, but it just feels like this foreign "thing" that is scarring her face when we are finally "thing" free after having "things" invading her face for so long (i.e. ventilator, NG tubes, oxygen cannula...) She hates anything on her head/face. And I'm adding more for her to hate.

It's for her good. I know, I know, I know. She'll be able to SEE (and considering her seriously bad vision, it's questionable how much she's seeing without them, the girl has some serious blur going on!) and seeing is a GOOD thing.

But... yeah.

I promise, I'm done complaining this time.

Pictures to come on Monday. As soon as I get her to keep them up for more than 2 seconds....

Random things... (and cutie Annabelle pics!)

2012-01-18T21:27:00.001-06:00

Random thing #1: Overdosing on hand sanitizer = my hands resembling that of an alligator. It's what you get when you have an immune suppressed child in the house! I think it must be a brand thing... at the hospital last year my hands got a little dry, but NOTHING like they are with the stuff I use at home. Do they make moisturizing hand sanitizer (that I can afford? ha!)

Random thing #2: Annabelle stood up for TEN MINUTES STRAIGHT today. Not without holding onto anything, obviously, but I propped her up to a toy and let her go, with the TV blaring one of her favorite shows on PBS. She batted at that toy and giggled at her show for 10 whole minutes. Yes, I timed it.

Random thing #3: I have 10 picture frames placed at various parts of my house (some even hanging on walls...) that have no pictures in them, or pictures of someone else's family (i.e. models...) Why you ask? Well, because I haven't taken the time to print off the pictures I have planned for them! Time, time, whereforart thou time? (although, one of those frames has been displayed in my living room for years... so I guess that just points to laziness more than anything....)

Random thing #4: I just ate a Hershey Kiss... and am dreading my "come to Jesus meeting" scheduled for Friday... (aka SKINNY Friday blog post where I have to come clean on how not good I've been doing!)

Random thing #5: I tried to take a nap today, a very very very rare thing for me. I laid down for over 2 hours and barely dosed. I got up feeling worse and more tired than when I laid down. Mommy=not-pleased!

And those, my friends, are my random 5 things for the day.

Any random things you want to share today???? Totally off-the-wall stuff is welcome!

Fun OT times = eating beads and playing with the John Deere toy! (she had the beads hooked on the one front tooth she has!)

Man, this John Deere thing is HILARIOUS!

A little blurry... but she's swinging sitting up! She wasn't a huge huge fan... but then we put her on her belly and she was good with that for a bit. We were trying to get her to hold onto the ropes but she was like, "Heck no, get me OUT OF HERE." ha!

Marketing... huh?

2012-01-16T03:00:00.000-06:00

It is 2012.

THE YEAR MY BOOK COMES OUT!

AHHHHH!!!!!

I've officially entered a new era in my path to being a published author.

I'm starting to get my head wrapped around the whole concept of marketing my book.

*gulp*

I have a love/hate relationship with the word marketing.

I LOVE the thought of being able to get my book into the hands of readers. It's an author's dream to have people read their story. It's the purpose of all those sleepless nights listening to characters talk in your head and the subsequent sleepless nights trying to perfect the prose during editing.

But marketing a novel, for ME, is personal and scary. I keep trying to tell myself, "It's just business" but writing a book comes from a really deep part of you, so it's about as personal as it gets. What if no one likes it? What if no one buys it? What if people get annoyed when I tell them that I wrote a book because they think I'm this big selfish dork and just wish I would go away and shut up already?????

So finding ways to tell/convince/bribe/beg people to buy my book... (that won't make them run for the hills...) yeah, it's hard to wrap my head around.

Yet, I know I have to. Because I must have my book's name, and subsequently my name, into the ears of as many people as I can so my books can sell so publishers will want to publish more books of mine.

In looking at this big M word, I remind myself the REASONS I'm doing this for the first place.

Which are:

~ Jesus told me to. Not in audible words, but the prodding was very real.

~ To be a light for Jesus. I try not to "preach" when I write, but rather let God's light shine through the life of my characters, to let them experience real life and struggles and work to overcome them. Jesus used stories as illistrations, and I believe he calls some of us to do so as well.

~ To make people smile. I write romance, which is smile-worthy right there, but I also write quick, snappy, light-hearted romance. My goal is to give a woman a break from everyday light and something to laugh with and smile about. Because we all need those laughing moments. It is great medicine, don't ya know!

~ To stay home. This is a new one for me. But I had to let my job go last year because I couldn't care for Annabelle and still work. Yet, it has caused an incredible strain, one we won't be able to keep going for the long-term. Writers don't make a lot of money, that is a well-documented (and complained about, ha!) fact. Yet my hope and prayer is that I CAN treat my writing as a business as well and be both profitable for my publisher and my family, and be able to continue being the at-home Mommy that I am loving to be!

So there they are. The reasons that I'm pulling up my bootstraps and embarking on this big unknown marketing thing.

My first step I took yesterday: I created an author page on Facebook! This way, I have a place to hang-out with future readers, and update about all the latest steps in my writing journey. I'll still update here... but you'll "hear it first" on my author page! I'll also post links to any interviews I do there, and other cool links that I find that readers might be interested in! I don't completely have it all figured out yet... but if you'd like to "like" me... you can do so by clicking here!

Discussion: Any marketing tips? Anyone? This is coming from the Mom who fails at selling girl-scout cookies with her daughter...

Anna Reese has hijacked Skinny Friday... Prayer Request!

2012-01-13T03:00:00.000-06:00

Skinny Friday will resume next week at the regularly scheduled time.

This week, Anna Reese is more important!!! You may or may not remember, but Annabelle's best friend is Anna Reese, her heart-buddy in the hospital who was there almost the whole time we were there. She was the one who would go back in the hospital, only to have Annabelle follow her days later (and visa versa!) We joked that they just were trying to find a way to play together!

Well, Anna Reese, against the predictions of the doctors, has been doing FABULOUS at home these last months and we are just tickled pink about it!

Today, however, she is back at Vandy having a heart cath to check up on things and determine some next steps, as her heart status is a super super complicated one.

They anticipate it being super routine, with only an overnight hospital stay, but nothing has ever been routine with Anna Reese in the past (remind you of a certain Annabelle we all love??), so just asking for your prayers this morning for this precious little girl who is so near and dear to my heart that she might as well be my own! (I'd have to fight Melissa for her though... and I'm fairly sure she'd win!)

Annabelle and I are going to go visit them later today after she is out of recovery, so we're pretty excited to see our friends!

Thanks so much in advance for your prayers for our heart friend!!!!

Anna Reese: Girl, come on! Smile for the camera! We look fab!

Annabelle: I'm going for the mysterious look... you know, like that Gerber chick does.

Anna Reese: Gerber chick... that was hilarious. You crack me up, Annabelle!

Annabelle: *Giggle* No prob. Okay, now I'll smile for mom. Maybe she won't try to shove that gooey stuffin my mouth if I do... what do they call it again?

Anna Reese: Oh, food? Yeah, I've heard of it. Not a huge fan. Blah.

Annabelle: I KNOW! Right? Goofy people. Don't they know that's what belly tubes are for?

Anna Reese: Girl, you're so right. They are so old-fashioned.

Annabelle: The gtube button will catch on. We're just cutting edge, that's all.

Anna Reese: Cutting edge, I like that! Well, gotta go. My mom is making me to go yet another doctor's appointment. *sigh* I humor her. Cya girl!

The Claws

2012-01-11T09:00:00.000-06:00

I fancy myself a pretty kind person. I tend to run away from confrontation and try to sprinkle roses and happy smiles and hearts whenever claws start being sharpened. (Sorry Kari and Jami) but it comes from being the third sister and seeing my two head-strong older sisters fight amongst themselves and with my parents and me always thinking, geez, couldn't y'all just be nice to each other? Life would be SO much nicer. (Although... I lived in the North, so didn't say y'all then!)

But occassionally... someone says something, or does something, that makes a very not-Jesus-like person bubble up out of me.

Thankfully, my normally "nice" disposition allows me to *usually* squelch the desire to tear into them.

Like yesterday. It was something super simple. A phone call. A stranger who responded with what I felt, at the time, was rudeness. But I was having a super busy day and just wanted to pull my hair out, and this little bitty thing would have made my day just a tad bit easier, and the person acted like I was asking them to move Mount Everest with their pinky.

In my (admittedly slightly hormonal) busy state, it made me want to pull out my snarky, Krista attitude and say a few things I would have totally regretted.

What I wanted to say was, "Ya know? It isn't that big of a deal, isn't that hard, and would really save me some time and help me out. What you don't realize is that I have a little baby in the car hooked to a feeding pump that I can't (don't want to) get out of the car, nor do I want to leave her in there by herself for some stranger to steal, and if you could do this itsy-bitsy thing it'd really help me out, but nooooooo, it seems that it is too difficult for you or you just can't find an ounce of compassion in that body of yours to help a girl out so whatever, I'll do it the "normal" way and put my daughter at risk all because you felt like you needed to follow one single (stupid) rule to the itty bitty letter. Well, would you like to know where you can take and shove your rule? Hmmm???"

But I didn't. Well, in full disclosure, I said something like "Fine" between gritted teeth and went on with life.

And I'm so glad I did. Because I would have felt stupid and awful and every time I saw said person I would have an immense amount of regret and if person ever found out I am a Christian she would have been like, "Really? Could have fooled me!"

And really, said person might have just been having an equally as frustrating day. Who knows. But responding with meanness doesn't fix anything. (and at my heart, I'm a rule follower too... so I very well might have done the same thing if roles had been reversed...)

Somewhere along the line I think we've become to feel entitled. We're feel like everyone should do what we ask, think how we think, and react how we want them to react. The issue of entitlement is a huge one, and I won't tackle that today because it is a big beef I have.

But today, I'm reminding myself that "a kind word turns away wrath" and that it really IS good to spread CHEER instead of bitter words. Granted, my "fine" response probably wasn't very cheerful, but it is better than it could have been!

*side note* This does not mean that you need to be a doormat. I think a lot of people view this philosophy as letting people "walk all over them" and while I know plenty of people who do that, it doesn't have to be that way. We can gently stand up for ourselves and still carry our heads high without being a jerk. Not easy... but totally possible.

Oh, and another note. I've heard the whole argument of, "Well, even Jesus overturned some tables in His day..." Folks... Jesus was protesting the desecration of God's Holy Temple. Someone cutting you off in traffic, or the customer service people on the phone not being helpful... is totally NOT THE SAME THING! In fact, there is probably a lot of desecration going on that God would LOVE for us to turn some tables over on, but that's the stuff we overlook and tolerate these days.

Okay, stepping off my Krista soapbox for the day. Time to get some cleanin' done!

A month! A month!

2012-01-09T18:58:00.003-06:00

She's singing! (her la la's.. ha!)

We met a fun milestone today!

Annabelle had clinic today... and instead of our regular every two week visit... we get to schedule our next visit in a MONTH!!!!

She should have been down to monthly visits quite a while ago, but better late than never!

We also had feeding therapy today.

Which failed miserably. She cried the whole time. She's never done that before, and I'm not quite sure why she was such a crank-butt. However, we did get set up to have weekly therapy instead of bi-weekly starting in two weeks, so while I don't look forward to the extra trip to Nashville, I look forward to actually making some feeding PROGRESS!

Speaking of!

Annabelle's decided to eat last week... a little! It's only a few bites each time, but that is up from outright refusal. And the feeding therapist seemed to think that she might do even better once her teeth get in. She's cutting molars right now, on top of all the rest of her teeth that are late in coming. A hurting mouth does not bode well for eating!

I know I usually end a blog with something witty or inspiring or at least half-way intellegent... but I'm tired. It's been a long day of appointments and I have syringes to clean and kids to get off to bed soon. *yawn* I keep telling myself I'll catch up someday, but it's looking more doubtful every day!

Still.. I wouldn't trade life with my kiddos and hubby for anything! I am one blessed woman!

Skinny Friday - Week ONE!!!

2012-01-06T03:00:00.000-06:00

HA.

Well... my first week back was... so so.

My numbers look really good.

But they are inflated.

I weighed on Saturday night, New Year's Eve. After completely gorging on pizza, pop, and a ridiculous amount of junk food.

Two days later, I was already down a few pounds, purely from eating normal after eating so very badly.

So, TECHNICALLY... here are my numbers (I did weigh Thursday night so at least I was getting similar after-dinner results...)

Krista's Skinny Friday Results:

Week: 4 pounds skinner
Total Skinny Friday: 4 pounds skinner
Total Weight loss since August, 2010: 15 pounds

But, in actuality... I didn't stick to my diet one little bit. Over the holidays, I got my craving for pop back. And I got my craving for sugar back 100 fold. (well, technically that was over the month of December.)

I think (hope) being able to get back into a routine will help. My kids JUST went back to school yesterday. And we still have Christmas candy in our house which needs to be gone STAT (and given the amount I ate this week... that shouldn't be much longer!)

There are a billion things I want to get BACK into the habit of doing. But I'm going to concentrate on one thing a week.

This week, it's LESS POP, MORE WATER!

I'm an addict people. I love my coke/pepsi/sprite/dr pepper. I just do. I don't do coffee... I do pop. I love the feel of the fizzle down the back of my throat, the sweetness on my tongue, the cold soothing my mouth...

Crap. I need a coke.

But seriously, I'd gotten really good at having only limited amounts of pop once a week, and guzzling massive amounts of water in its place.

This is the habit I aim to focus on rekindling this week.

Discussion: Anything YOU are going to focus on this next week to help you shed the pounds (or anything in general really...?) And, if you're joining in Skinny Friday fun... how'd you do last week???

The Light

2012-01-04T13:43:00.000-06:00

Annabelle loves lights. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned that here before. The moment she enters a room, most times, her eyes go immediately to the light above.

Sometimes she'll be sitting in our living room and look up at the light, and the biggest cheesiest grin comes across her face. Some times she even starts laughing and giggling at it. It's absolutely adorable to see.

I always wondered what gave her such delight over lights. They could be just ordinary lights that she smiles and giggles at. So many people have commented to me, "I wonder what's so interesting about that light?" after seeing her stare and smile at them.

I always chalked it up to being in the hospital for so long. WHen you lay there for days/weeks on end, with nothing to see but the lights above (well, that and the toys we hung from them!) it made sense that she was drawn to lights. But the huge smiles, the looks of pure joy when she saw them... I hadn't quite figured that out yet.

A few months ago, my mom mentioned something to me, and at first I dismissed it as a wee bit "out-there." Not that it wasn't possible, just not... well, provable.

She said she wondered if she was seeing, or had seen, in the past, angels. That she'd heard a story of a child who was close to death, and survived, come back tell about the angels he saw on the ceiling of the hospital.

While I'm not claiming this angelic experience for my daughter, the thought made me smiled. That God might have brought something so wonderful and sweet to my daughter in her moments of extreme pain, to let her experience joy instead of hurt, made me smile. It sounded like something my God would do.

The other day, I saw these Youtube videos posted by another heart Momma on Facebook, then again on another blog, and even on some major news medias.

This young man had a heart defect, and passed away a few weeks ago, on Christmas Day. His family found these videos he'd made.

I think... I think there are a lot of things we don't understand about this life and about God. I've decided that we aren't really meant to "understand," even though we have a thirst for it (the whole tree of knowledge thing.) So I don't claim to know, or understand, but every time I see Annabelle look at those lights, and see that big grin come over her face, my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude to God for bringing delight, in whatever form, to my daughter who has been through so much in her short life.

*update*

Just a quick update. Annabelle continues to do well, for the most part. Still battling her stuffy nose. And she still dips her SATs a little a night, but alwas comes back up. Talked to pulmonology yesterday, though, and they are concerned about these dips. They've ordered an official pulseox study, where they bring home a special, NICE pulse-ox, and she stays hooked up to it all night. It records the results, and will give them a really good idea of how her oxygen levels are staying.

The concern is that even though it feels like they come right back up, low oxygen levels over time could lead to pulmonary hypertension (or, since they thought she might have a minor case of it anyway, a higher level of PH) and full-blown pulmonary hypertension is NOT GOOD. It is incurable... and could lead to the need of another heart transplant in the long term.

If it shows the levels are lower than liked for any period of time, we may have to put her back on O2 when she sleeps. We can handle that, we have before, but blah. I'd hoped to be able to stay off of it!

She's also throwing up more than normal. The doctor things it's because of her stuffiness, that it's causing her stomach to be upset more. We're finally going to see a GI specialist though at the beginning of February, so I'm praying they'll help make sure there isn't something else that is contributing to this.

Oh, and if you didn't see my last update about her newest BIG milestone... click here!

Premonition: 2012 (and fun Annabelle news!)

2012-01-02T05:00:00.000-06:00

On Christmas Eve, I was thinking about this past year. I've been doing that a lot lately!

What a whirlwind.

We started off 2010 with a heart Cath and planning to go home the next day. The next day we were rapid responsed back to the ICU. We ended the year with Annabelle at home, new heart intact, doing well except for a continuing cold. The days in between were... crazy. That's a good word for it!

I started off the year employed with a good, solid (yet stressful) job, and ended it a stay-at-home mom.

The year started with me dreaming of having a book published some day, and it ended with a book contract in hand and first set of edits complete.

It started with my hubby having one part-time job and being a stay-at-home daddy, and now he has a full-time (temporary) job on top of the part-time one.

Yeah, we've had just a little change up in 2011!!

As I reflected back on December, a little part of me was sad. I'd so wanted to "enjoy" Christmas this year. Okay, take that back, I ENJOYED it very much. But I had visions of taking the month to be mom-of-the-year and being organized and doing fun Christmas stuff with my kids and not being hurried and just enjoying every second.

I, instead, spent the majority of it with my face in my computer, feverishly trying to complete rewrites on my book to make my pre-Christmas deadline while hurrying through Christmas preparations.

But... there's always next year, right?

The moment I thought it, something huge hit me.

I have NO CLUE what the next year will hold. The possibilities are endless, and range for fantastic to tragic.

Life is never sure, and it's always changing. Just a few days ago, two families in our small town lost a dear member of each family in a tragic car accident. A Father in one family, and a 5th grade girl in another. I look at my husband, and at Karalynn, my own 5th grader, and it hits me hard to know that it could have been one of them. We are never promised another day.

I read a statistic the other day that I just happened upon looking something up. It said the 5-year survival rate of heart transplant recipients is 70%. I'm not being pessimistic here, but realistic. Life with Annabelle will always be a daily gift. One I treasure more than I can express.

On a less tragic mode, I realistically know that while I'm able to stay home at the moment, something needs to happen to be able for us to sustain this. I'm at a complete loss as to what that will be/needs to be. I'm trusting that God knows though. God could choose to "wow" us, or he could choose to make us walk the edge of faith where we are grasping on a day-to-day basis. I've determined to trust him and praise him regardless of which way He decides to take us.

And my book releases this year! Big questions remain in my head. Will it sell? Will I be able to figure out the whole thing that is Marketing? Will I be able to get another contract for another book? And on a more elemental level, what will God do through my writing? My prayer, book contracts aside, is for God to use my words for His Glory. It's the reason I started writing in the first place.

Many people get one word for the year instead of making goals and resolutions.

This is what I see for 2012, and what I feel like God is telling me.

That's it. A question mark.

I think God is telling me what He has all this past year. That He knows, and I don't, and I need to live each day in faith and trust to him, regardless of what happens. Whether this is a year of being wowed or being humbled.

What about you? Do you do a word of the year? Do you make resolutions or goals? What are your thoughts as we begin a new year?

I leave you with this fun picture from Physical Therapy last week. The newest feat for Annabelle. She's still wobbly. Still perfecting it. But yes... that is some standing my baby is doing!!!!!!!!!!!

Fat Friday: Remix (and more Christmas pics!)

2011-12-30T17:28:00.000-06:00

If you missed it... I posted our Phillips' family Christmas pictures yesterday! It was a fabulous Christmas, and fun was had by all!

So. It's almost the new year.

And I've been doing a lot of thinking about "Fat Friday." Should I continue? Should I just do it privately?

But I decided to go ahead and continue it, because even if it helps no one else, it helps ME to have to be accountable.

I'm changing the name though. When I started Fat Friday, I came up with the name because a.) it was kinda funny to say "Fat friday" and b.) I'm all about stating the obvious and c.) The first step to fixing something is admitting you have a problem!

At my heart, though, I'm an optimist. Fat Friday is not very optimistic.

So from now on, Fat Friday will be known as "Skinny Friday."

Yes, yes, I should really call it "healthy" Friday or stay with the whole F theme and be "Fit Friday" but... that's too normal and boring. Skinny Friday makes me smile. And if there is one thing I love my readers to get out of my blog, it's a big fa... i mean skinny... smile! (Although I realize there have been a lot of tear moments over the last year too...)

My Skinny Friday Plan:

Tomorrow night, right before the new year, I'll step on the ol' scale. And for 2012, I'll be starting over at zero. I invite you to be zero as well!!! I'm still having similar, baby step goals as last year, for me, linked to "pre-baby" weights of each of my children. I'm current right around my Pre-Annabelle weight, give or take.

And we'll be taking before pictures too. You know the ones where you stick out your gut as far as you can and wear a sad frown and wear frumpy clothes that are completely unflattering and no makeup?

I won't post those just yet. Call it pride or something. But at each milestone I DO make... I'll post the updated pictures (obviously sucking in my gut and wearing black, thinning, cloths, HA HA HA!)

So... get out that ol' digital camera and snap away tomorrow! Look your worst, I tell ya!

And as you hit YOUR goals... feel free to send before and after pictures to me, and I'll post them. You KNOW you want to:-)

More Pictures

Found a few more Christmas pictures my sis-in-law took for me and I wanted to share!

All My girls!!!

Annabelle: Isn't my shoe just too cute???

Lyla: Wow, uh, they are kinda just like mine. But... whateva...

Annabelle: Fine. You don't like them? I'll just eat my shoe.

Lyla: Hm. I wonder if that tastes any good. Maybe I should try?

Annabelle: Girl, we look amazing.

Lyla: Heck yeah we do.

Lyla: See me pose?

Annabelle: Lord, this girl is off her rocker...

Annabelle: Finally, the steps to myself. Losers, every one of them. I'm the diva here!

A Phillips' Family Christmas

2011-12-29T16:15:00.001-06:00

Not sure what Annabelle thinks of the bears...

(My mom got me my first bear in 1994... I have one for every year since, except for 1996 when she got a mouse by mistake, thinking it was a bear. I have never let her live that one down:-) My hubby has kept up the tradition, so the "setting out" of the bears is a fun fun part of our Christmas decorating!)

They might be okay...

HELP! THEY'RE ATTACKING!!

Now my sisters are making me play dress up. First attacking bears, now this. The joys of being the 4th girl!

Playing with Frosting!!!! No, I didn't eat it. But I got a little messy! My momma was proud....

All the girls joining in cookie fun!!

Pretty Karalynn!!

Silly Karalynn....

Pretty Lacy!!

Silly Lacy....

Pretty Gabby!!!

Silly Gabby.....

Pretty Annabelle!!!!

Silly Annabelle....

Silly, in love... Mom and Dad!!

I LOVE MY STOCKING!!!!!!!

Mommy and Daddy's present this year... Having Annabelle home was the BEST thing we could have asked for!!!

Presents? What presents? I have my monkey toy, I don't need no presents!!

Annabelle helped a little with opening her presents, but she quickly latched onto one or two toys and didn't care about the rest, ha!

In comparison...

Annabelle and her stocking, 2010.

Annabelle, our 2010 present!

Annabelle, same hat, our 2011 Present!

Super quick sickly Annabelle update

2011-12-27T20:58:00.001-06:00

Poor Annabelle is not feeling well!!

She's been "snotty" for over a month now, but it hadn't really affected her until the last few days. She's throwing up with almost every feed, is really congested, and wakes up with her poor baby girl eyes all crusted shut.

She is not lovin' it, and neither is Momma!!

Please pray that she can kick this bug SOON. As you know, she has a very suppressed immune system due to the drugs she is on to keep her body from rejecting her heart, so getting over something simple like a cold is anything BUT simple for my baby.

And her weight is getting to be a huge concern, especially with her vomiting so much. She lost weight a little today, and hasn't gained ANYTHING since October. She is still okay percentage wise, but the doctor is concerned, as am I, that if she doesn't start gaining soon it will affect her health.

Good news though: Her heart still looks good, her labs look decent from what I could tell tonight (the doctor will call with official results tomorrow) and we had a fabulous Christmas at HOME! Pictures of the Phillips' family Christmas to come later this week when I get a little bit of time...

In other news: She has tooth #2! A MOLAR!!! Yes, my little baby has one bottom tooth and one molar! What a smile that is (although smiles are hard to come by at the moment for obvious reasons!)

Thank you all for prayers! We really appreciate them!

A wee bit overwhelmed

2011-12-23T09:50:00.003-06:00

I finished my edits on my book... late... on Wednesday morning. This was after pulling two all-nighters to get them done. *yawn*

Now, we are getting ready for Christmas... FINALLY!!!

And oh my, this Momma is BEHIND!!!!!

I've yet to wrap a SINGLE PRESENT! Thankfully, I am mostly done with buying though. One more thing I have to get today and I'll be finished. WOOHOO!

Today is christmas cookie baking day with my kids... AFTER they get their room clean. *sneaky Momma*

Tomorrow is REST AND ENJOY day, and probably wrap presents, ha!

And Sunday... ahhhh.. I can't wait for Sunday! Annabelle's FIRST CHRISTMAS HOME!

EEEEeeeEEE!

I'm going to take a break from blogging on Monday. Wednesday I'll post Christmas pictures, and Friday... Friday I will announce my *new* and slightly-improved version of Fat Friday, and we'll all weigh in to assess damages. I know, exciting, but don't think about that right now. Just go enjoy Christmas!

Wishing you all the HAPPIEST MERRIEST CHRISTMAS this year!!!!! Hug your loved ones tight, and be thankful for every single gift God has given you. Even if it has been a hard year, use this time to remember God's faithfulness, even though the trials.

Because he is:-)

Annabelle's Fun News!

2011-12-19T08:29:00.000-06:00

What a week it's been!!!

To showcase Annabelle's fun news (and our Christmas princesses, silly daddy, and messy house...)

A video for you! (you can turn off sound if you're in a public place or just don't want to listen... you'll SEE the fun news anyway!)

By Comparison....

Last year's video around Christmas that I'd posted.

(she was off oxygen for one brief, shining moment around christmas... and this is when we were "trying" to go home but she kept running fevers... thus the naked, bib-clothed baby!)

Wow... my little smurf has come a LONG way!!!

A Sabbatical of sorts

2011-12-12T03:00:00.000-06:00

LESS THAN TWO WEEKS TILL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

LESS THAN ONE WEEK TILL MY SANDWICH EDITS ARE DUE!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm taking a blogging break this week. My edits on my book are due on Friday, and I'm behind, and I'm trying to clear as much as I (safely) can from my plate so I can have ZERO excuse to not work on them!

But we will be back next monday, with a super SPECIAL Annabelle update that I've been SUPER excited to tell you... but you'll have to come back Monday to see!!!

It'll be worth the wait, I promise!

Until then... are you done with your christmas shopping???

Have you written your letters to Santa???

Have you been a good girl or boy???

Are you remembering that JESUS is the REASON for this WONDERFULLY FUN season????

In the words of my daughters, "Jesus is my favorite thing about Christmas... but presents are fun too!"

Fat Friday: Week Who-cares (a Christmas Miracle!)

2011-12-09T02:00:00.000-06:00

Annabelle's so hungry... she could eat her toes! :-)

I've had Fat Friday's ups and downs...

This week has been a plummet.

I'm not even weighing. It'll just depress me and make me eat more. (I'll actually probably weigh... but I'm writing this the night before and tomorrow will be a busy day, ha!)

Jackie made a great note last week, and was what I was going to talk about this week anyway.

Trying to lose weight in December SUCKS.

And it's stressful. Stress I do NOT need this year. However, what I really don't want to happen is to weight in on 1/1/12 and have gained back half the weight I've lost since September. I really really don't!

So I'm on operation maintain. I might gain a couple pounds for the sake of the holiday, and I'm okay with that.

That said, I've had an awful food week. We made cookies, and I'm finding it VERY VERY HARD to be home during the day with them staring me in the face saying, "eat me... eat me... you know you want to!"

Yet, I've also FELT awful this week too. My stomach feels thicker and I've had zero energy and blah. I know it's from an over-indulgence in Oreo truffles and chocolate caramel sugar cookies.

Not helping is the fact that I have my first writing deadline the end of next week, and I'm horribly nervous about it. I am a stress eater. Yet... when I eat when I'm stressed, it makes me feel worse. Go figure.

I'm determined to do better this next week, more just to FEEL better than to lose weight. I've sent plates full of cookies with hubby to work, and the kids finished off the last of them tonight. We'll make some more weekend before Christmas to take to the hospital, and to have some for Santa, but they will be put away and out of site so I don't have to look at them all day!

So... for the next three weeks...
.
It's Operation MAINTAIN!

We can weight in the last Friday of December and report back to see how well we maintained, and start fresh for the new year!

Anyone else with me????

***Update***

It's a Christmas Miracle, folks!

I stepped on the scale today to assess the damage, fully determined to let it convince me to lay-off the crap eating this next week...

And I'm at ZERO.

Not like, zero pounds as in I'm the size of a pea... but zero fat FRIDAY pounds! I maintained!

I have no clue how that happened. NONE.

But I'll take it. Now I just have to convince myself that this doesn't mean I can eat like crap for the next week too.... :-)

Boasting

2011-12-07T03:00:00.000-06:00

I fully planned on sharing my Phillips' Christmas Wonderland pictures today...

but my house is a mess and I haven't had time to clean, so pictures will JUST have to wait! Next week:-)

I'm writing this late Tuesday night... when I really should be asleep.

Somehow I ended up reading through a bunch of my blog posts from back when Annabelle was first born and went through her first surgery.

Wow, the memories.

As I read the blog post asking for prayer after her first crash, I cried. I haven't gone back to that night in my brain much, because it was the most scary, humbling night I've ever had. I just remember receiving that call, hearing the words, "Your daughter has become severely decompensated... doing CPR... calling in the surgeon..." I remember screaming for my husband in that little sleep room at the hospital and falling to my knees, more afraid than I'd ever been in my whole life. Calling my mom, I don't remember if I even said anything, I was just crying hysterically and she said, "I'm leaving now."

That was the moment everything changed. We went from Annabelle doing better than we'd expected after surgery, beating all the odds and being a rockstar, to having one problem after another and that up and down roller coaster that hasn't really stopped since, although it has slowed down lately, thank God!

A lot of people have told me how strong they think I am, having watched our family go through this.

I'd like to set that record straight.

*I* am very weak. I've fallen to my knees more times, completely spent, more times in the past year than my whole life combined.

But the Bible says that God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. It is a hard concept for me. I come from a line of "strong" women who are a wee bit controlling (okay, fine, we're overbearing and a bunch of know-it-alls.)

Maybe though, the more we fall down to our knees, thus admitting our weakness and accepting that God is our strength, the more we get God's strength, and THAT is what people see.

I just got done reading Paul's letters to the Corinthians the other day, and one of the things that stuck out to me was how he boasted in his work for God. He made it clear that he wasn't boasting in himself, but only in the fact that he served an amazing, powerful God, and he wanted people to see the work that he was doing, and be encouraged to seek after God. He also wanted all the trials he'd gone through, the imprisonments and the physical afflictions to be proof of God's strength and power.

One of my favorites songs has some amazing lyrics:

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

So today... today, I boast in Jesus. I don't dare boast in my own strength, as it varies from day to day based on kids and hubby's moods, hormone levels and how many cookies I've let myself eat!

Changes (and a update in pictures!)

2011-12-05T06:00:00.000-06:00

I was preparing Annabelle's medications a few nights ago, and the enormity of "everything" hit me.

While every time a baby is born, the parent's lives are changed forever, but Annabelle was ten times so for us.

With my other kids, I hardly even used a baby monitor. They were healthy, I always heard them, and I trusted they would be okay. They also ALWAYS slept in their own room.

With Annabelle, I about had heart failure myself when we switched her to her own room last month. That was a BIG step for us. I still go in there when she's asleep during her nap-time and watch her, holding my breath until I see her little chest rise and fall, reassuring me that she's still alive.

With my other kids, I have a hard time remembering the full 10-day course of antibiotics for an ear infection.

With Annabelle, I have heart palpitations if her meds are a half-hour past her allowable timeframe.

With my other kids, I'm not sure I even once sterilized a toy. (I've never really been a germaphobe...)

With Annabelle, Clorox wipes are my best friend.

With my other kids, I'd look back at Christmas time and thank God for the past year He allowed us to spend with our kids.

With Annabelle, I thank God every day for the gift of even just one more morning waking up to her smiling face.

I'm still getting used to the whole idea that life will never be the same with Annabelle. I think I keep waiting for it to "get back to normal" but at some point, I feel like I need to accept the fact that it won't ever be.

I talked about having a new normal a lot when Annabelle first came home, but in the back of my head, I think the thought still lingered that it was a temporary new normal. That things would slowly slide back into a rhythm.

Hasn't happened yet.

I'm not doubting it ever will.

A few reasons why:

Annabelle will be on quite a few medications the rest of her life.
She'll always be at risk of rejection.
She'll have to eat super well to take care of her precious heart.
She'll have annual heart caths and heart biopsies the rest of her life.
She's at a much higher risk for cancer and other diseases due to the medication she's on.
There's a pretty decent chance that she'll have to have another transplant someday.
And she won't be allowed (or will be highly counseled against) having babies when she gets married.
And she'll be living with a big question mark as to what her life expectancy will be.

As much as this is all pretty daunting to me as her mother, it more breaks my heart for HER. Her normal will be much different than what I would have hoped for her.

But my prayer is that I can teach her how to accept what God has given us and how to move on, how to rise above the yucky stuff and use her weaknesses to showcase what a mighty God we serve.

And my prayer is that she will grow to love Jesus with all of her heart, and to serve him with every single day she is blessed with.

This is my prayer for ALL of my girls.

*** Phillips' Family/Annabelle Update ***

A pictorial update:

Inspector Annabelle. I heard this crash, then ran in to see that she'd purposely pulled the thing over and was playing on the underside of it! The stinker!

On her knees!!! This is a big step for Annabelle... before she'd scream bloody-murder after only a second. She stayed there about 5 minutes playing!

To make room for Christmas and help with editing, Mommy moved Annabelle's jumperoo into my office. She likes playing while Mommy writes!

BIG PT STEP!!! We tried the "stander" on Thursday!!!! We assumed she'd scream right away, but she stayed there for 10 minutes! Granted, she wasn't in full standing (aka she was leaning forward some) but we'll make baby steps toward the full standing position.

A butt shot!

And fun times in OT too... swingin' like a big girl! She liked it!

On Friday, we ventured out to Logan's before picking up our Christmas tree. Annabelle refused to eat, however she DID like to chew on the roll bowl, GO FIGURE!

Here it is... still netted! Come back on Wednesday for a peak at the Phillips' family Christmas house!

Spaghetti is FUN!!!!!!!! She even put some in her mouth! Didn't eat it, but didn't gag at it either. A victory, so WOOHOO!

**one other note**

A minor blog change. I'd changed my kristaphillips.com web address to this blog (since I didn't have time/energy to maintain my own website for my writing just yet) but in that change, when you went to Kristaphillips.com while you could read my blog, you couldn't comment.

That's been fixed! Yeah! (Thanks uber smart brother-in-law/computer guru Travis!)

Oh, and I also added a new link at the top... Krista's Books! YEAH!!!! Hopefully sometime in the next few months I should have a book cover to display on there too! (I'm getting a little excited!!!)

Fat Friday: Week 7 - CHRISTMAS COOKIES!

2011-12-01T20:47:00.001-06:00

Self-admittently, last week's decent number was inflated because it was really Thursday morning, pre-Thanksgiving stuffed.

On Monday, I weighed and I was UP 4 pounds. I then pigged out all day for multiple reasons (stress over edits, stress over being up so much weight...)

The next day, I was only up 3 pounds. Can't be sure exactly how that happened, but I'm choosing not to question it and just be thankful! I did half-way decent the rest of the week, to come in at my not-great but not-too-bad-considering number.

THE WEIGH-IN

Krista's Numbers:

This week:                   +1 pounds
Total Fat Friday loss: - 6 pounds
Total Weight loss:      -20 pounds

Scott's Numbers:

This week:                   -0 pounds

Total Fat Friday loss: - 13 pounds

Total Weight loss: -38 pounds

CHRISTMAS COOKIES!

This next week, we'll be making CHRISTMAS COOKIES around my house! YUM! I'm so thoroughly excited!

However... Thanksgiving was tough y'all. How am I supposed to make it through CHRISTMAS COOKIES?

Especially when it is the ONE time of year I allow myself to make chocolate caramel sugar cookies! I mean... can it GET any better and more fattening than that???

A few Krista tips for surviving Christmas Cookie Craziness:

One a day. Oh, so hard, I know. But it spreads out the joy for longer too:-)
Don't eat the batter. Although, not sure if I can follow this one myself...
PRESENTS! Instead of letting the little culinary darlings sit around your house taunting you, Christmas cookies make great presents for your kiddos teachers, your mailman, your coworkers, your neighbors. And it's better than fruitcake. (Really, does anyone even EAT that stuff?)
Speaking of coworkers... I always took a bunch to work, or sent some with hubby to work. They would all get eaten in about 30 minutes, and happy co-workers is always a good thing!
One that we are doing this year and plan to make it a tradition: We'll be taking most of our cookies to doctors/nurses at Vandy Children's as a thanks for all their care this past year for our Annabelle. There is also a Ronald McDonald Room in the hospital that gives free snacks to families in the hospital. Being in the hospital with your child is hard and vending machines get EXPENSIVE. So it's important to us to support this awesome place, so they'll be receiving a bunch this year too! You can also take some to your local Ronald McDonald House too (ours accepts food donations, I assume all do but you might want to check first!)
Make healthy cookies! (Who am I kidding... if you can do this, more power to ya!)

Discussion: A little counter productive for our weight-loss... but 'tis the season. What's your FAVORITE Christmas cookie????

UPDATE:

Have had several people ask for my chocolate caramel filled sugar cookie recipe...

To save, am sending the link to one I found online, although I don't use nuts (yuck!) and I use rolo's for the caramel!

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/caramel-filled-chocolate-cookies/detail.aspx

These are FABULOUS right out of the oven... ooey gooey.... oh my goodness, I need to stop now!

Giving in to Feeding Therapy

2011-11-30T05:00:00.000-06:00

We had our first feeding therapy appointment on Monday.

I've decided to play nice and follow directions, do it their way for a while if you will.

Yes, I'm the one that usually shuns directions, determined to "do it myself" while my husband pulls out the directions first when opening a put-it-together-yourself item.

I guess feeding Annabelle was the same way. I've fed 3 children... I should be able to teach my 4th daughter how to eat, right? No therapist need tell me how to mother my child! (I rarely read self-help books either... you're all probably going, so THAT'S her problem....)

But after months of shoving food down my child, having her eat baby food for two weeks then refuse it for a month, and barely getting water down her with a sippy cup, I've decided that I need to back down and take the experts advice on this one, at least for a while. Give it a chance to work.

So we are playing nice with Annabelle's mouth now. Only happy, positive, and good thoughts going on in the high chair. NO more screaming Annabelle while Momma shovels food into her, insisting that she'll get used to after a while.

The therapist said that I'm not allowed to sneak food in either, disguising food she doesn't like with food she likes. She has to "trust" me.

Whoops. I guess the whole putting the binky to her mouth to get her to open it, then dumping food in there instead wasn't a swell idea. Although in my defense, it worked for a while!

Problem is, we only have feeding therapy every other week. And playing nice is NOT easy for this Momma. I'm a wee bit of a "do what I say, because I'm the Mom" kind of Mom. Playing with our food on purpose, smearing it in our hair, on our clothes, and on the high chair, all things that happen when feeding a baby, but not things you ENCOURAGE.

But nope, with Annabelle, this is what we're SUPPOSED to do.

See? I'm getting irritated about it just typing this.

I think they need therapy for feeding therapy for Moms.

Teeth... where for art thou???

2011-11-28T05:00:00.000-06:00

Miss Bashful in her pretty dress!

I hope you all had a FABULOUS Thanksgiving. I was so excited to post Thanksgiving pictures... but... I was so busy ENJOYING it that I forgot to TAKE any! How awful is that! Especially so since this was the first thanksgiving hubby and I hosted at our house, and Annabelle's first one home. But... make no mistake, this will be rectified at Christmas!!!

Saw the pediatrician last week and got Annabelle's first round of immunizations! She can't get any of the "live" virus ones (MMR, rotovirus, chicken pox, and others) but she can get the dead ones. It will be a process of getting them all made up though.

Talked to ped. too about Annabelle's teeth.

SHE HAS NONE!

The doctor said she had never seen a baby go past 15 months without teeth, so normally she would have xrays done to check to make sure they are in there like they should be. (I still wonder if they have baby dentures or something... I mean, do some kids NOT get teeth????) But I told her my eldest daughter didn't get her first tooth until 17 months old, so she agreed to wait until her 18 month appointment.

I'm really hoping that they are coming in now though!

Annabelle woke up at 1 a.m. Saturday night, which is NOT common for her. Even more odd, she was screaming/crying and wouldn't be consoled. This, in itself, is frightening to me, because that's what she did in July when she ended up being lifeflighted to Vandy in critical condition.

But, her sats were decent (well, they weren't decent when I got her up, but they rebounded quickly), so her and I rocky-rockyed for a long time, and after that and some tylenol, she finally fell asleep, and stayed that way for the rest of the night.

Sunday, she was still a crank-butt though. We braved church, but Scott had to talk her out not long after we got there, because we doubted the pastor would appreciate her high-pitched, ear-splitting screams.

I'm praying, very hard, that it is just teeth starting to break through, causing her a little (lot) discomfort. But irritability is also a possible sign of rejection, so this Momma is on full alert.

At Target... Annabelle decided 2 get sleepy!

The more the day wore on though, the more I was/am convinced that it is just teeth. She's putting everythingin her mouth, which isn't a new thing, but is also moving her lips in funny ways, likes she's trying to figure out what's going on. I'm afraid, she's just catching up and getting a bunch at one time!!! She, of course, won't let me ANYWHERE near her mouth, so I have only caught brief glimpses when she screams. No white stuff yet... but hopefully soon!

We have a FULL FULL FULL week ahead. Really, a full MONTH ahead. I'm trying really hard not to "overtax" us this Christmas season so we can ENJOY it... but that is proving VERY difficult. I have my first ever edits due right in the middle of the month, which needs to be my priority whether I want it to or not! And between doctors and therapies and kids school stuff and Christmas parties and trying to find time to finish Christmas shopping... my calendar is looking mighty full.

But the day I'm PROTECTING is this Friday. It's our DECORATING day!!!! I'm SO SO SO SO excited!!! We usually try to put up the tree the weekend of Thanksgiving, but decided to wait a week this year so we aren't so rushed and can ENJOY it!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Hmmmm... maybe Annabelle will have her 2 front teeth by Christmas! *grin*

Fat Friday: Week 6 - True To Its Name

2011-11-25T05:00:00.000-06:00

Who else is completely stuffed?

ME ME ME ME

Fat Friday is truly... fat Friday!

I weighed in Thursday morning this week because a.) I'll be shopping Friday morning at an insanely early time and b.) it made me feel better and c.) it gives me a week to work off Thanksgiving!!

Thus you see the fruits of the past week, instead of the cost of Turkey-Day!

THE WEIGH-IN

Krista's Numbers:

This week:                   -2 pounds
Total Fat Friday loss: - 7 pounds
Total Weight loss:      -21 pounds

Scott's Numbers:

This week:                   -5 pounds

Total Fat Friday loss: - 13 pounds

Total Weight loss: -38 pounds

INCHES and SHOPPING

My Hubby gets an A for the week! He's been doing AMAZING!! Since starting his job, he hasn't had time to count calories, but has been eating salad out his ears and just doing so good. It helps that he's working 70 hours a week and doesn't hardly have time to sit much less be idle! Regardless, I'm one PROUD wife!! And if I do say so myself, he's lookin' pretty fine these days (although, I ALWAYS thought he looked good, he just looks ESPECIALLY good now!)

I found the original paper that we had logged our weight and inches on back on 8/31/11 when we started on this journey.

I've lost FOUR inches from my waist... and Scott has lost at least SIX!

Have YOU measured your inches? If not, go for it. It's a GREAT way to see how you're doing, because if you're exercizing a lot, the scale might not always show all your hard work, but inches always will!

As I mentioned, today, I'm SHOPPING. It is a family tradition (although my older, eldest sister is ditching us... she hates it when I call her eldest, thus my flagrant use of it given her missing in action today.)

SO here is what I'm thinking, Fat Friday wise.

Shopping = walking = calorie burning = Thanksgiving Dinner shedding = maybe a not-negative-number next week... hopefully!

That said, we had a FANTASTIC Thanksgiving. It was so nice having it at our house. Even though it is messy, it was SO nice not to have to pack up the kids/food, and unpack everything when going home. And it was SO nice not to have my attentions split between here and the hospital!!!!! We were able to just relax and enjoy.

Hope you all had a HAPPY Thanksgiving!!!!

Giving Life

2011-11-23T05:30:00.000-06:00

I think about them often, anyway, but this past week or so they have been on my heart specifically.

Some family out there is grieving this Thanksgiving over a sweet child missing at the dinner table. No turkey to cut up in tiny pieces, no sweet whining over what food they really don't want to eat, no throwing food on the floor, no slobbery kisses, no snuggling together on the couch with full bellies.

I have SO much to be thankful for, yet I know there is a family out there who probably doesn't feel very thankful right now.

And I don't blame them one bit.

Yet, this thanksgiving, *I* am beyond grateful to them, for thinking of others during their time of grief and allowing my child to live through the gift of their child's heart. My thanks to them knows no bounds.

My prayer this Thanksgiving is for peace for this family, for God to wrap his loving arms around them and let them experience joy through the pain. That they can enjoy the sweet memories of their child, yet be able to look forward to the life and joy that God wants to give them instead of backward at the pain they have endured, because life spent in the past is a hard place to live.

I know, I know, that's easy for me to say. My daughter lived. I never said it would be simple, however that's why we pray, hmm? Not ONLY for the hard things, but ESPECIALLY for the hard things. Only God can do something so amazing as to bring hope after loss, joy after heartache, peace after chaos.

When you sit at the dinner table tomorrow and count over the things you're thankful for, I'd love for you to remember something.

That life is precious, fleeting, and something oh-so-much to be thankful for. God never promises a tomorrow, just a today. Be thankful, my friends, for your today.

My blue, fluid-filled, very sick baby girl on heart day morning!

Not many people like to think of organ donation "in advance." There is a spot to fill out on your driver's license, but your child has no spot to sign. Most people want to plug their ears and say, 'la la la la la la" at the thought of organ donation for their children. NO ONE, including me, wants to contemplate their child dying young, or even at all.

But it is much easier to make a decision NOW, and to discuss it with your spouse, be in agreement on it.

I'll be honest. I never thought about it before Annabelle. I like to think I would have made the choice to donate, but I honestly don't know.

I, however, know now FOR SURE what I would choose.

Discussion: I won't ask if you've signed up to be a donor. That is a personal decision between you and your family. However, if you have questions about organ donation, or thoughts, or comments, I'd LOVE to hear them and to answer them as best I can. I know, an odd Thanksgiving topic, but appropriate for my family today!

And please keep Annabelle's donor family in your thoughts and prayers this holiday season, as well as all the heart babies that sit in hospitals, their families along with them.

Love and prayers to you all, my wonderful friends! Have a most happy, blessed, and THANKFUL Thanksgiving!

My Thankfullness List

2011-11-21T06:00:00.000-06:00

It seems like everyone on my facebook friend's list is doing the whole "Day 21: I'm thankful for _____" in their status this year.

I didn't get the memo until a few days late, and really, I'm pretty sure I would have forgotten several days and then would have felt like I failed at something else, so... for the sake of my pride, maybe it's a good thing!

I thought, instead of Facebook, I'd blog all at once all the things I'm thankful for, one for every day up to Thanksgiving. I'd probably have to have one for every day of the YEAR to be all inclusive, but this is some of it anyway.

So here goes:

I'm thankful for...

A God who loves me beyond my ability to comprehend. I could go on and on about what I'm thankful for God to, but really, there aren't enough words to even begin
Parents who raised me to serve Jesus and to dream big, who laugh with me, encourage me, pray with me, and stand by me, holding up my arms when I'm about to fall.
A husband who stands beside me despite my weirdness, who encourages me to trust instead of doubt, and who picked up the load of bricks that I dropped on the ground and now carries them for me. You are my hero, sweetie.
Kids who trudged through this past year like troopers, who loved me even when I didn't deserve it, and who smother me with the most WONDERFUL hugs and kisses a Mommy could ever get!
Parents-in-laws who make the trek out here many times a year to visit, who have taught me the true meaning of a giving heart, and who set an example of what it means to be a servant this past year.
Sisters who I can pick up the phone and tell them exactly how I'm feeling, and hear a very honest and loving, "Krista, you're being stupid. Stop." back. Sometimes... we just need to hear it like it is! These same sisters listen to all my woes, pitch in and help a girl out by cleaning her house or watching her kids or taking her for a therapeutic pedicure.
A little brother who allows me to pick at him and, now that he's turned 22 (Yesterday... happy birthday Nick!) and is a dad 2 times over himself, no longer tries to beat me up. (HA HA HA!)
Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, and all its doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists (waving to Miss Brittney!) and the rest of the staff who worked tirelessly to save my daughter's life. A special thanks goes to our primary nurses in the PICU, Miss Ashley and Rachel for dedicating those months to my Annabelle and for caring for her better than I could have ever asked.
Chocolate. I firmly believe God made chocolate to help us get through times like this past year. No one will ever convince me otherwise.
My Church Family. More than I could name blessed our family with meals, anonymous monetary gifts, house cleaning, Christmas gifts for our kids, gift cards, and even vet care for our dog! We are very blessed to be a part of that family.
Unnamed people. I didn't talk about it a lot out of respect for them, but so many people helped us out this past year, and we don't even know who they are! Numerous times Scott would come home, and someone had slipped an envelope of money under the door. One time, a stranger came up to him at work with an envelope of money saying, "Someone said to give this to you." Or giftcards in the mail with no return address. It was humbling, to say the least, but we would not be where we are today, still able to pay our mortgage and put food on the table, if it hadn't been for these people. For a time over the summer, we were making almost nothing after my job ended. And even though our income is less than half of what it was before Annabelle was born, still, we're able to keep going as a direct result of the gifts from others. This is nothing we ever asked for, but give thanks to those who gave.
My Alley Cats and other writer friends. I blog with a group of 9 other women at thewritersalleys.blogspot.com. During this past year, they have not only been a huge prayer support and encouraged me to not give up on my writing through this process, but they also showed with their actions their love. While Annabelle was in the hospital, they sent regular care packages with a variety of things that just showed the love of Jesus to me and my family. Other writers/authors have helped too, in sending books to help me bide the time at the hospital (Mary Connealy and Jenny B Jones, to name a few) and in sending notes and gifts of encouragement, such as the oh-so-wonderful Keli Gwyn, and the support, prayers and love from my local writer's group, MTCW.
So many others who gave to us, many strangers who only knew me from this blog or a friend of a friend, the list is just too long to mention them all, so I'm not going to even try. I'm ashamed to admit, many of them didn't even get an official thank-you note, as whenever I tried, something would happen with Annabelle and my time would be diverted. I know everyone says, "Don't worry about it" but I do, and I feel bad. So, please accept this as my belated thank you note, and with heartfelt appreciation know that your gift to us was not unnoticed.
The thousands who bathed us in prayers. I can't begin to name all the prayer lists I was told Annabelle was put on! During our darkest time, so many prayed with us, even from afar, and just knowing how many voices were being lifted to heaven on our daughter's behalf still brings tears to my eyes. There is power in prayers, and I think we could have lit the whole city up with lights as much power was being generated!
Abingdon Press, my publisher, and Ramona Richards, my super cool editor, for taking a chance on this fledgling writer and agreeing to publish my first book. I still have to pinch myself!!
Rachelle Gardner, my super cool Wonder Woman Agent, for agreeing to represent me and for walking an ultra green author through this crazy process that is publishing.
All my heart Momma (and Daddy!) friends, for walking this journey with me, for sharing in the really high highs and the unimaginable lows. Every single one of you are so very special to me. For those who had "gone before" you've shared your wisdom and experience with this newbie-heart-Momma, and for those of you who have been walking this journey with me, we've learned together! It's not a path we would have chosen, but walking it with you has made it bareable.
Special thanks go my heart Momma friends, Melissa and Tosha. Melissa, you showed me Jesus' love this past year, we've fought for our babies side by side, laughed together, cried together, and learned together. You are beyond special to me, my friend. We still need to write that book:-) Tosha, our time together was shorter, but just as sweet. I'm so thankful you chose my door to stand beside in your moment of pain, and that I listened when God told me to give you a hug. I'm normally not a "go up and hug a stranger" type of girl! I've learned a ton from you, and I count it an extreme privilege and honor to know you and to have loved James with you. You, my friend, taught me to fight for my daughter, and it is a lessen I needed greatly.
Health Insurance. Our bill since Annabelle was born was net over 3 million dollars. Yes, I am VERY thankful for health insurance!
For all the volunteers. You have NO idea how many people volunteer their time, with no compensation at all, at that hospital. From Child Life volunteers who sat with Annabelle when I couldn't be there, to Friends of Children's Hospital who put on pizza bingo (melissa and I's fav!) and sponsered dinners, to the special ladies (especially Miss Helen, Miss Betty, and Miss Patricia) in the Ronald McDonald Room who serve faithfully each week. I can only hope that someday, when I am able, I can give back ten-fold.

21. A little girl who pulls to her knees (kinda..) on her toy for the first time!

22. a little girl who smiles HUGE with her cupcake hat on... even though she kept trying to take it off ever ten seconds...

23. a little girl who refuses to eat but has no problem cheesing for the camera in her high-chair...

And that brings me to Thanksgiving day. I'll leave item #24 for Wednesday's post, as it is super special and deserves a post of it's own. (#1 deserves a post of HIS own too... but I like to think he's present in ALL of my posts!)

Discussion: What are YOU thankful for this year? (feel free to copy and paste from your tweets or Facebook status, HA!)

Fat Friday: Week 5 - Surviving Thanksgiving

2011-11-17T19:20:00.001-06:00

This past week had its ups and downs. Downs was eating. I've just been so busy that I haven't gotten back to my calorie counting. I can tell a HUGE difference, and even though I'm trying to count "in my head" and not eat as much, I'm realizing that I'm a numbers girl, through and through. Seeing the numbers, and managing what I eat related to the numbers, is really really good for me. When I don't see the numbers, I can fudge.

But, I've made a conscious effort to "do more" and I can feel it... my muscles are SORE! But, it's a good sore, one where I can tell I'm on the right path, even though I still need to do better.

Till, it wasn't enough to put a good number up today. Next week, by the way, I'll still post on Friday, however I'm weighing on Thursday morning. BEFORE Thanksgiving dinner. Gives me a week to work it all off:-)

THE WEIGH-IN

Krista's Numbers:

This week:                   -1 pound
Total Fat Friday loss: - 5 pounds
Total Weight loss:      -19 pounds

Scott's Numbers:
This week:                   -3 pounds (includes last week)

Total Fat Friday loss: - 8 pounds

Total Weight loss: -34 pounds

SURVIVING THANKSGIVING

If your Thanksgiving is anything like mine, it's full of WAY TOO MUCH FOOD.

Here is my advice on surviving Thanksgiving while not packing on a billion pounds.

1.) Two words: PORTION CONTROL.

Instead of eating one piece of every kind of pie, take of a little bite-sized piece of each. (Or have a small normalish piece of your favorite.)

Instead of piling your plate high, take about half a serving of all your favorites, except for the rare healthy item, have a full serving of that!

2.) Stop when you're full. That's what leftovers are for!

3.) Eat less the day or two before. Okay, I know some would say this just makes you hungrier and urges you to gorge. But for me personally, when I have a habit of eating less for a few days, I get fuller faster. If you're already in the habit of eating smaller meals, you'll get full halfway through that meal and can save the rest for later (see point 2!)

Please note that I didn't tell you to skip any of the bad stuff. Because I, for one, won't be doing that. If you have the willpower to skip out on some high-calorie items... GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I'm jealous!

Anyone else have some good tips or ideas????

Annabelle and her CUP!

2011-11-17T05:00:00.000-06:00

While Annabelle still dispises eating and anything resembling food... we had a slight breakthrough last night with her sippycup!

Watch and see...

Shushing, Hurrying and a TRIP to school!

2011-11-16T03:00:00.000-06:00

Hmmm... I SHOULD go to sleep!

I've realized something lately.

I "shush" and "hurry" my children A LOT.

More so lately than I used to.

The shushing I think is a direct result of spending 10 months in the hospital with Annabelle. Besides quiet conversations with nurses, the hum of the machines, and the TV on or music playing... it was fairly quiet. The only exception was when there was a "code" on the floor, then it was not so quiet, and it was scary, even if you weren't the parent affected.

But being silly is SO much more fun!

So being back home, even months later now, is a big adjustment. Don't misunderstand... I LOVE LOVE LOVE being home and don't want to go back to the hospital with her for anything. But when you live somewhere for so long, you get used to that new normal. And adjusting back to having 4 kids, them all trying to talk to you at the same time, all of the girls who like to squeal, scream and cry very loudly.

I've become a perpetual shusher. Before, I was decent at tuning it out and having selective hearing, only tuning back in when something shouted, "This needs Mommy's attention!" It is a skill I lost and need to get back ASAP!

The hurrying thing I've always had an issue with. I like to go fast. (See post two weeks ago about speeding ticket...) Phrases like, "Just go", "Hurry up" "Go-Go-Go" or "What's taking you so long?" frequently grace my lips.

I do this even when there is no good reason WHY we need to hurry up.

I married this most wonderful man 12 years ago. He is very opposite of me in this regard. My hubby is ssslllooowwwwwwwww. And that is okay. We balance each other out. I help prod him along so he doesn't miss out on important things, and he can reach forward and pull me back, urging me to enjoy the journey.

I'm realizing that my tendency toward hurrying up my kids is less about them being slow, but more about me needing to 1.) Manage them better so there isn't a REASON to hurry up (i.e. wake up early, etc) and 2.) slow down to match their pace and enjoy my time with them.

I've been SO SO SO excited about the holiday's coming up. This will be Annabelle's FIRST Thanksgiving and Christmas at HOME and the joy in my heart just bubbles up in anticipation.

Yet, my brain is running with the billion things that need to be done. The list is a mile long. Yet, I know if I "hurry up" and focus on the tasks and all the things I want to "do", I'll miss the joy of the season with my family and will forget on the real reason we celebrate.

YESTERDAY, however, I took the time (and the risk of germs) and went to school to have lunch with my girls! They had the school's annual holiday lunch where they invite parents to come and eat with their kids. It worked out that all the girls had lunch one right after the other, with only 5 minutes in between each. So Annabelle and I went and had lunch with them. I "sat" with Lacy and Karalynn while they ate, and actually ate with Gabby.

It was fun to see them at school, and I'm SO SO glad I wasn't "too busy" to enjoy it with them.

School, however, tuckered poor Annabelle out!

My advice for this coming holiday season: Stop and ENJOY IT!

Snot Stinks

2011-11-13T08:37:00.001-06:00

It's been 2 weeks now since cold/bronchitis/crud hit our family.

Most everyone is better. A few sniffles or coughs off and on, but nothing horrific.

But poor Annabelle is still oh-so-stuffed up. And what's worse, her personality is starting to rival her nose in how snotty she is! She's quite an opinionated little girl!

"Sucking" out her nose with the nasal aspirator is just pretty comical. It shouldn't be. It should break my heart to put her through that. But I usually have to bite back my laughter. I think it's because I had to suck out her nose/mouth a lot at the hospital, so I'm totally used to the process and know she'll get over it about 10 seconds after I finish. She just screams then gives me this look that says, "If you stick that dadgum thing down my nose one more time, Momma... I'll.... I'll... POOP on you!"

And she's doing that quite a bit too. But I'll spare you the runny details...

She's a rolling and sitting up pro now! It is SO SO fun to see her progress just in the past month. It makes tube feeds NOT FUN though. How do you keep an almost mobile 15 month old tethered to a feeding pump for an HOUR straight?

This girl REALLY needs to learn to eat, STAT.

And to that end, feeding by mouth is a complete standstill. While before I could get a jar or two down her (she wasn't pleased about it, but we did it) since she's been sick, I'm luck to get one or two bites. I'm not sure if this is just her refusing for the heck of it, or if she's just so stuffy that it's all that harder to eat.

We have been trying to "drink" via a 10cc syringe though. While she doesn't like it (especially with formula) she tolerates mildly it when I put water in it. I think it feels good to her mouth.

Clinic visit will be today, first one in 2 weeks! We actually made it TWO WHOLE WEEKS between visits!!! WOOHOO!!! And we have feeding therapy today too, our first official one, so that will be interesting too.

Oh, and we got to go to clinic on Thursday... but NOT for Annabelle. Miss Anna Reese, Annabelle's heart BFF, was there for a check-up, and Annabelle and I were in town, so we went and saw them for a few minutes between appointments! (Anna Reese lives in Mississippi so we don't to see her or her oh-so-wonderful Momma Melissa often...) Anyway, it was just for a few minutes, but we LOVED getting to see them again and giving Anna Reese a belated birthday present!

**UPDATE**

Lost my keys, so we missed feeding therapy:-(

But made it to clinic, and that was mostly good. Her ECHO and EKG were great.

But her BP was too high, so we are going up on the dose of one of her blood pressure medicines (she is on two..) It may be that she was just outgrowing her dose.

AND... the HUGE news... is that we were able to get rid of a few meds, FINALLY!

We were on 20 meds when we came home... we have been down to 13, but that is still A LOT!

But we got rid of 2 more today, and get to stop 3rd one next monday. So we will be down to 10!!!! Mommy is SO SO SO excited!!!

Fat Friday: Week 4 - WHOOPS

2011-11-11T03:00:00.000-06:00

I've had a pretty decent run of "good" weeks. A not-so-good one was bound to come up sometime.

This week was that one.

I'm writing this Thursday night and preposting, as tomorrow is going to be crazy, so I'm using my weight from this morning.

Here is the damage:

THE WEIGH-IN

Krista's Numbers:

This week:                   +1 pound
Total Fat Friday loss: - 4 pounds
Total Weight loss:      -18 pounds

Scott's Numbers:
This week:                   -3 pounds (includes last week)

Total Fat Friday loss: - 5 pounds

Total Weight loss: -34 pounds

THE FLIMSY EXCUSE

We all have our excuses. Reasons for gaining, or not losing. And many times they are REALLY REALLY good excuses.

But I'm reminding myself today that they really are just that. Flimsy excuses that I could have controlled if I wanted to.

So here is mine: My daughter had a birthday.

And it is against my cooking rules to not lick the bowl. And considering I made cupcakes for her slumber party on Friday, cake for her "family" birthday on Sunday, then brownies to take for school on Monday. That's a lot of licking. And a lot of sweet eating.

I was also out of the habit of "counting" my calories from the week before when I was sick. So while my intentions were great, I still need to get back into the habit.

And really,that's what it is about. Making yourself do something, regardless of your "want" and sticking to it.

I need to get a hold of this now. Because the holidays are coming up. And I'm SUPER excited about being able to actually be HOME during the holidays, and not working, and being able to COOK things. Previous years, I was lucky to get any baking done at all, and even then, it was rushed and NOT enjoyable.

But I'm determined to stick to my weightloss even through Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm under no grand illusions that I'll lose massive weight. However I think I can at least lose a few times, and certainly maintain, if I watch my calories like I watch my pennies.

So now that I've given you my royal flimsy excuse... feel free to beat me up about it. I NEED IT.

And what about you all? How did YOU do this week??????? Please do share!!

Fires in the Pot

2011-11-09T02:00:00.000-06:00

Annabelle inspecting the plastic birthday cake...

I've always been a bit of a multi-tasker. Working in a Corporate environment for so many years that increasingly demands (er, uh, requests) more to be done in less time has fanned that tendency in me. And while I have always viewed this as an asset, I'm also realizing that it's highly annoying at times.

Case in point:

Over the last two days, I've -

* Started to clean/organize Annabelle's room
* Torn apart my bedroom closet to organize it
* Started to organize all my pictures/scrapbook supplies
* Gotten out boxes of Scott and I's clothes to sort through
* Started to clean out the garage
* Begun to collect Annabelle's too-small winter clothes for the consignment shop
* Started a project for my former employer client that they want done by *gulp* next week
* Started editing an older book that is completed/unsold
* Started laundry

Now that she's confirmed that its not food... she eats it!

Notice all the "started"'s?

The only thing that has been COMPLETED in the last two days is the hanging of a coat rack that my father-in-law did for me today so I could organize the front entry way.

And the only reason that is done is that someone else did it for me!

I'd probably get more done if I worked on one thing at a time. Yet...my multitasking nature is also helpful at the same times. Any Momma of multiple children knows that it is a fine art to make dinner while helping one kid with homework and diffusing a fight between two others, all the while watching wheel of fortune and solving all the puzzles before the contestants.

Here is my goal: Tomorrow, I'm going to try and get ONE THING DONE. Okay, fine, maybe two. Actually, three... urgh, no TWO, Krista. But, really, I want to FINISH something completely. *stomp foot* I WILL finish something.

It feels good, though, to have the energy to work on things around the house again. I think that's why I started so many things, because I have a billion things I've been wanting to get done, but not a lot of time/energy with which to accomplish.

I guess, when you think about it, it IS better to get 20% done of ten things than to get 100% done of zero things...

And that, my friends, is justification at its finest!

Discussion: Are YOU a multitasker... or are you a "finish-what-I-started"er? If you are the later... can you come to my house and help???????

Annabelle Update: She's doing great! On oxygen only at night. Still has a junky cold but is handling it well. Isn't eating at ALL anymore though, so that is a frustrating step back. We put eating aside last week while I was sick, and I think between the "break" and her being clogged up, eating is not appealing to her. I do sit her down at her highchair 3 times a day though and attempt. And next monday we start feeding therapy, so I'm praying this helps as well!

Big sister shared her bracelet and clip-on ice-cream earrings!

Annabelle is a sitting up fool now. She goes from laying down to sitting up in 2 seconds flat, and does it over and over and over. She LOVES having her cast off too. I predict crawling will be in our future in the next month or two!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my KARALYNN!!!!!

2011-11-07T02:00:00.000-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

(yesterday)

TO MY BEAUTIFUL

KARALYNN JEAN ABRI PHILLIPS!

One Day Old!

Mommy is SO SO SO proud of you, my sweet little girl. I cannot BELIEVE you are ELEVEN years old!! (Sorry, I forgot, we're going backward now... I can't believe you are EIGHT years old... AGAIN!)

About Annabelle's age here...

Eleven years ago I was SO excited that my first baby had finally made her arrival... a week LATE! I was 19... and had absolutely no clue what I was doing, but was determined to conquer this crazy wonderful thing called motherhood.

3 1/2 years old - look at that blonde hair!

11 years, 3 more babies and 1 angel baby later... I'm realizing motherhood is not something to be conquered, but to be enjoyed most times, to be endured sometimes, to mess up continually, to improve upon as much as possible, and to be celebrated always.

4 years old

I LOVE being my girls' mother!

I really can't believe I'm the mother of an "almost" teenager. This is the first year Karalynn has been too big to really get her "toys." Wow. I FEEL OLD!

The years have gone by so fast, yet at the same time, it feels like ages ago since I held that tiny little bundle in my arms, walking into Scott and I's tiny apartment with her for the first time.

*sigh*

I have this immense desire to go back and look through her baby book (and finish it! I think it's about time... don't you?!?)

I'm embarrassed to say that while I'm almost done with Karalynn's... I've barely started on the other girls. I'm afraid I'll remember very little! NOT GOOD! Still, it's a goal I have.

Anyone else horribly behind on their child's baby book (for me, I'm doing scrap books for their baby books...)?

ALSO! A belated thank you to Melinda and Rachel who sent me the most MARVELOUS gift for Annabelle... a creative memory baby book and scrapbooking supplies!!! I got them around her birthday... and around the time Annabelle took her spell, and I am SO SO SO excited to get to use them! MUST FIND TIME!

Fat Friday: Week 3 - DO MORE

2011-11-04T06:59:00.000-05:00

What. A. Week. I think I say that EVERY Friday, and I MEAN it every Friday too! I'm finally feeling MUCH better. Besides minor colds, the rest of my family is doing fabulous as well. And Annabelle is CAST FREE!!!! But it's been a long ride of a week to get there.

For me, after my Saturday splurge in eating, I then ate much of nothing for three days except for saltine crackers. But... as much as you would think this would HELP my weight-loss, I also was in bed for those three days and could barely move my aching bones, so I was eating less and doing less. A recipe for a pretty even week.

It doesn't help that I haven't been able to grocery shop either, so last night ran through the drive through on way home from getting Annabelle's cast off instead of carting snotty Annabelle through a grocery store all by myself. (I figured this was better than having milk and Halloween candy for dinner!!!)

Anyway, enough with pleasantries...

Down to business!

THE WEIGH-IN

Krista's Numbers:

This week: - 2 pounds
Total Fat Friday loss: - 5 pounds
Total Weight loss: -19 pounds

Scott (my handsome, becoming skinny hubby)'s numbers: (taking a break this week... he started a new job so I don't want to make him get up early and weigh on his one day-off, but I'm fairly certain he stayed about even, as he hasn't had time to concentrate on eating less OR doing more! Will report in for him next week!)

DO MORE

Just like "eating less" everyone has ways they can "do more." Some run every morning. Others have a gym membership. My mother-in-law swears by going to Curves. Others Zumba with a church group.

Me?

I'd love to do some of those things. BUT...

Running every morning is a no-go. It's cold right now, number one, hubby leaves at an unGodly time of the morning (Yes, Yes, I know, no time is really unGodly, but I prefer to give people on the other side of the world their daylight time with God and not interrupt too early...*ahem*) so yeah, can't rightly leave my girls to go running, and taking Annabelle out in the cold? Yeah, NO.

Gym membership? Curves? Annabelle? No. No. and Immonsurpessed. Not leaving her with someone I don't know to go sweat all over machines other people have sweated their germs all over too. (For the record, I'm sure they clean the machines, it is more the not leaving Annabelle part that makes this not an option.)

Zumba? One word for you. PRIDE. Krista and coordination and dancing just don't go together, not in public anyway. I applaud those that can do this though, as it looks SUPER fun. A ton of churches have started these programs, so LOOK INTO IT. But for me, I think I'd pee myself laughing during the process though. (I've given birth naturally to 4 kids... nuff said.) And NONE OF US want that. (Not to mention the not leaving Annabelle thing...)

So, what's a fat Momma to do?

DO MORE Options for the Tied-to-Home Fat Momma

Exercise Videos... It can even be a ZUMBA one!! My girls and I got a "Dancing with the Stars" one that we were doing together every morning before school for a while. We looked absolutely ridiculous and couldn't do a step right in the whole darn thing, but it was funny and made for hilarious mother-daughter exercise time!

DANCE.... while you clean! Put on some loud music, whatever your pleasure (Mine is usually some praise and worship, maybe some Skillet, the occasional country...) then MOVE while you clean! If you ever drive by my house during the day and see some crazy woman in the window flailing all over with Lysol in her hand... ignore me. Unless there is a man with a gun in the near vicinity and I'm trying to spray him with the Lysol in defense... then call 911. Thanks!

Video Games.... I'm serious! I LOVE THE WII! I don't do it as often as I should, but the Wii Fit (I use the plus version) is great for tracking weight and tracking calories burned on the different stuff you do. I also play a mean bowling. It's also great to do with the kiddos and hubby in the evening. Family fun AND exercise, fun stuff! To go with this... I have a few *ahem* shows during the day that I sometimes allow myself to watch. Usually I fold laundry during that time, however when I don't have that (rare), I'll do free-step on the Wii Fit for 30 minutes. Exercise while I watch Price is Right... JUSTIFICATION baby!

Hand Weights... I have a pair of weights that I actually got for my husband that are adjustable in weight... I use them more than he does:-) But I try to pick them up and do 20 reps at a time. Takes maybe a minute or two each time I do it, but a few times a day while I'm waiting for laundry to dry or something is better than nothing. Sometimes I'll use them while I do the free-step while I watch Price is Right... it just keeps getting more justified as we go, huh!

Sit-ups... Put those toes underneath that couch and count to twenty. Takes about, well, a minute or two for me, but repeat a few times a day and woohoo! Burn that Belly Fat!

Get down and PLAY... Annabelle spends a lot of time on the floor... so sometimes it's fun just to get on the floor and roll around with her! I'll do leg lifts sometimes too, and she thinks it's pretty silly!

Whatever your pleasure.... just make a concerted effort throughout the day to DO MORE!

Discussion: How did YOU do this week?? Don't make me call you out by name... just kidding! (Mostly!) Seriously, regardless of how "good" or "bad" you did, share your progress or struggle!

And how do YOU go about the "do more" of weight-loss (or weight-management for those of you who are in encouragement mode)?

Funny Annabelle Picture of the Day

2011-11-03T12:03:00.000-05:00

Put Annabelle down for nap early today because of our appointment to (hopefully) get her cast off.

Went in a little while later to check on her, and this is what I found:

You see, Annabelle has taken to sitting up in bed. I'd found her sitting up this morning when I went to get her up. So... evidently she'd sat up, then couldn't figure out how to lay back down (her current irritation) so just laid forward and fell asleep.

I don't know about you, but this looks OH so uncomfortable.

I was nice and laid her down... AFTER I took a few pictures:-)

Quitting (and getting better...)

2011-11-02T08:16:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to feel better today. After three solid days of running a fever my fever finally broke last night and *knock on wood* hasn't returned. I also broke down and went to the doctor yesterday, who blessedly gave me some antibiotics. He said he didn't think it was pneumonia, however it's possible it is that. The antibiotic he gave me, though, should help with bronchitis or pneumonia, but if I'm not much improved by tomorrow, I'm to go back for a chest xray. While I'm still pretty congested in my chest, my fever is gone, so I can actually function today, thank you JESUS.

The last three days has been so hard. Being sick is hard enough, but taking care of Annabelle, worrying about getting her sick all the while, was not simple while dizzy and achy and feeling like I was going to pass out the whole time. She spent much time playing in her crib, as it was the one place I knew she was "safe" given her new mobile moves. I've also fed her NOTHING by mouth for three days, as it takes almost an hour and all of my energy on a GOOD day to do. So I'm afraid we've taken some steps backward there too.

Anyway, enough of my complaining. Although, the below is a bit of complaining too! Funny, I wrote this Saturday afternoon before everything hit me, intending to post it this week. I'm thinking somehow, God knew I needed a bit of a break before all this came on.

Without further adu...

********************
Some days... I just get tired.

When I was in the hospital, these were the days I'd leave for a few hours. Go talk with my heart momma friends. Take a nap. Just... get away.

When coming home, especially after I lost my day-job and I realized I'd have the freedom to "stay" at home for a while, I thought I was leaving all that behind me. I was energized, ready to conquer this thing of being a momma to very special Annabelle, and reclaiming my position as mom to my other three kids. (Not that I'd ever relinquished it, but had delegated so many of the jobs it felt like it was barely mine anymore.)

Saturday, however, for no real reason in particular, I got tired of it all. I was trying to feed Annabelle after a questionable night sleep. I was tired, cranky, and Annabelle was having an especially bad "Eat? No way!" kind of morning.

I'm a big believer in Mom's knowing when they are nearing their limit so they don't completely crack and do something they regret later.

And as I sat there, spoon in hand, a screaming, cereal-covered baby in front of me, I had this incredible urge just to scream and throw the bowl of goo at the wall as hard as I could.

I was at my limit. So... I quit.

Quit feeding Annabelle. I took her out of her seat, pulled off her soaked bib and jammy shirt, and put her on the floor in the living room with her toys, naked except for her diaper and cast.

Quit being a good wife, as my husband desperately needed sleep as he had to go to work at 1 and had little sleep all week. (he started a new job on Tuesday... has to get up at 4:15 a.m. and between that and his part-time job, doesn't get home until 10PM.)

Quit being a good momma to all my kids. They were in the living room and told them I was leaving and no, they could not come with because I needed time away from them, and to please just be quiet and leave me alone for a bit.

I gave Annabelle her meds (I'm wasn't THAT out of it,) got dressed, told my half-asleep, bewildered husband I was leaving, and left.

Where did I go?

The bookstore. I bought a book I've been wanting.

Target. I bought a new pair of jeans and a shirt. All the jeans I have at the moment are so big on me (given my recent 18 pound weight-loss) and they literally almost fell down the other day while I was carrying Annabelle. I bought Annabelle new bibs (that will help because they are canvas, so I just rinse them off and they don't bleed through to her clothes like her cloth ones, thus making us have to change clothes a minimum of 3 times a day.) I bought a few things for the kid's Halloween costumes.

Sonic. I got a big, not-on-my-diet cheeseburger, fries, and a coke. I enjoyed every single bite while I read my book in my car.

Then I went back home. My sister had been there and threw a shirt on Annabelle (thanks, Jami.) Scott was awake by then and playing with Annabelle. The girls were upstairs, playing.

No one was worse for wear from my moment of rebellion. Life went on. And I got about an hour and a half of quit time.

I'm not cured. I'm still tired, because what I, and most all other mothers, need is a whole day or whole week away (HA HA HA! IN MY DREAMS!)

But the little time I did take was enough to keep me going for a little while longer. How long? Well, that remains to be seen.

I know this is something we don't talk about a whole, whole lot. We feel guilty for "taking time" for ourselves. WE have to put our husband and kids before ourselves, it's the nature of being a mother.

But... sometimes, I'm thinking we need to take a time out and put ourselves first so we can be BETTER wives and Moms. Like everything in life, there is a balance.

And it's probably a good idea to take that break BEFORE you get the point of having to walk out of your house unannounced... Note to self:-)

***Annabelle Update***

*sniff* I have no halloween pictures of her. I was just too sick to hardly move much less take a picture. I barely dressed her up, too, all she wore was her cute skirt. *sigh* None of my other kids got pictures either, although my sister-in-law got a few while they went out.

She is doing well though. Still has a cold, but so far, it is staying just a snotty cold. No fever, just a little wet, productive cough. She's on oxygen at night, and the last few days, I've kept her on during the day most of the time too given her cold. She was just hovering at the low end of her normal, and when she coughs, she dips, so it makes me feel better to give her a little more support through it.

Clinic went okay on Monday. Labs, ECHO, EKG were all good. Couldn't ask for anything better than that!

And she should hopefully get her cast off tomorrow! (Which is good, because it is getting gross. It goes high on her leg, and lets just say, it couldn't be protected at all times. It NEEDS to come off!)

I did get a good picture this morning though... this is how I found her when I went into her room to get her up for the day!!!

Yep, happy, and SITTING UP!

The Sickly Phillips' Family

2011-10-31T04:00:00.000-05:00

I have no grand words for you today.

Instead, I have a fever, cough, and a speeding ticket.

Anyone want the speeding ticket? Giving it away to the highest bidder... (HA!)

I got sick Saturday night. Felt fine, but was outside at one point and took a deep breath, and my lungs HURT. Felt like I'd been running in the cold weather, although no running was happening here.

A little later, I still couldn't shake the yucky feeling. Started to get dizzy and cough. Checked temp. 99.7.

Sunday morning, I was no better. Coughing up stuff that was tinged pink (ew, gross, I know.) Decided to get my uninsured self to the Minute Clinic. I'm usually the one that waits until they've endured 3 weeks of misery before finally succumbing and getting checked out. Annabelle has put the fear of germs into me, though.

Nurse Lady had mercy on me and didn't charge me, but didn't "see" me either. Said there was nothing she would give me anyway, but because of the bloody crud and the fact that my chest hurt, I should go to urgent care clinic and get a chest xray.

Considering I'd been sick for less than 24 hours, I didn't really think it could be pnemonia yet. But still, I was sick, tired, and fed up. And was NOT going to pay a billion dollars to the urgent care place to see me.

On the way home, the frustratition of it all got to me. I cried. And I sped down a 35 mile road going 56. (in my defense, there are NO houses on this road, it is completely open... so I wasn't risking hitting kids.)

Policeman, of course, stopped me. Asked me if everything was okay. I said, no. I'm sick, and I just want to go home. I was still crying at this point, and was afraid he would think I was one of those goofy females that tried to get out of a ticket by crying.

News Flash: Even when you aren't doing it on purpose, crying doesn't work. He gave me my ticket, said get better and drive safe, then left.

I, obviously, just cried harder at this. (I really am not a cry-baby... I promise!)

My poor husband had to deal with the basketcase that was me when I got home. I won't go into detail. I have a little too much pride for that. It wasn't pretty though.

My biggest fear though is that Annabelle will get sick and end up back in the hospital. All evening, her nose has started to run and she's coughed off and on. This Momma is worried, needless to say. If i'm having a tough time dealing with this crud, Annabelle and her poor lungs is sure not going to do well.

We have a doctor appointment on Monday (I'm typing this late Sunday night) so at least she will get to be seen by someone to check her out. She's also had really bad diarrhea all week too. We didn't take her in, but we did talk to the doctor a few times. I'd tried feeding her baby oatmeal cereal instead of rice for a day or two, and that's when it started. We changed back, and it's only gotten a little better.

And so goes the days in the Phillips' family.

All that said, tonight, instead of 4 little girls, I will have a twin-headed halloween freak (you'll have to see the picture) a bumble-bee, a butterfly fairy, and a princess ballerina.

If I'm not able to go out (is doubtful at this point) my mother is going to do the honors since Scott has to work and she was coming with us anyway. The princess ballerina may stay here with me, however, if she is at all sick.

Discussion: Instead of discussing my ucky illness (which would no fun at all!)... what's your pleasure tonight? Trick-or-treat, "fall" party, Passing out candy, church trunk-or-treat, or ignoring the not-so-stellar holiday all together? If your kiddos are dressing up... what will they be? If YOU are dressing up... what will YOU be?

One year, I dressed up as a pink slip. I worked in the payroll department. *I* thought it was funny!

Fat Friday - Week 2: Eat Less...

2011-10-28T02:00:00.000-05:00

Shoot for the moon.. no pun intended!

Our FIRST Fat Friday weigh in of 2011!!!

How EXCITING!!!

Last week, we started at ZERO.

Now let's post those numbers!

And remember... honest is the best policy. However, if you've had an off week, feel free to note a "pass" for the week and still join in the discussion. I understand. I have those weeks too... usually about once per month, but that's TMI so we won't go there:-) (It's all water weight, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)

THE WEIGH-IN

Krista's Numbers:

This week:                  - 3 pounds
Total Fat Friday loss: - 3 pounds
Total Weight loss:      -17 pounds

Scott (my handsome, becoming skinny hubby)'s numbers:

This week:                  - 2 pounds
Total Fat Friday loss: - 2 pounds
Total Weight loss:      - 31 pounds

So YEAH for progress!!!

*****

Everyone has different "methods" for losing weight. Mine this time around is simple:

Eat Less and Do More.

There you have it folks! The secret to weightloss, simple as that!

Today, I'm focusing on how to "Eat Less."

Just like not having a flexible schedule kills me, not having flexible eating habits will equal weight-loss failure for me. Everyone is different though. Some need a strict regimine they can follow, and voila, the weight comes off.

My husband and I decided to "count calories" to try to accomplish this. At first I was nervous. Do I REALLY have time to count calories? REALLY REALLY?

But after the first couple of days, it became kinda fun. We gave ourselves a 1500 calorie per day limit. Within that limit, we pretty much eat what we want. But I know when I eat something "bad" it wastes a lot of my calories which means I get to eat less. So I am always on a quest to find the "cheapest" calorie food, so I can get the most bang for my count!

We started off using a notebook to keep track of the days calories. But then we realized...

There's an APP for that!

That's right, the calorie tracking app!

The one I use is myfitnesspal, but there are a bunch of other free ones out there. My hubby uses a different one that he likes that is just called "Calorie Tracker."

On MyFitnessPal, you can track your "do more" too, although I haven't progressed to that level of fancy yet.

I like it because it adds the calories for me. If you have a smart-phone with a camera, you can scan barcodes and it automatically pops in the calorie and nutrition content of the food you are about to partake of. You can note how many servings you want too! You can also search for food by name, or enter your own in manually. It's GREAT if you're going out to eat, that's what would always kill us when we tried to calorie count. Before, I was doing a lot of Googling for calorie counts!

You can also track your weight in it too. It gives you a fun graph so you can see your progress (makes for easy Fat Friday reporting!)

You can ALSO "friend" people... yeah, like we need another place for that! But... it's a way to encourage each other and share your progress (and get a kick in the pants when you blow it!) I've yet to friend anyone, so don't know how that part works really, but I'm kristaphillips if you decide to try it!

OH! And if you don't have a handy dandy app phone... you can also use their online version at myfitnesspal.com as well.

Are you sitting there telling me about how LITTLE time you have and how much work this sounds? I gotta tell you, it takes me maybe 10 minutes at the most out of the day, and usually it's less than 5. Really truly. Somedays it is more (and if you have complicated recipes, it might be... I cook simple!) but you can also "save" recipes in there so if you have a famous lasagna you make, you can enter it in there and calc the calories and save it for next time, so you only do the work once.

And no, they aren't paying me to say this, it's just really helped me when I switched from "on paper" tracking by saving a BUNCH of time. But if paper is your thing, go for it!

Calorie counting isn't for everyone, I know. What works for one might totally be a failure to another. Regardless of how you do it, to lose weight, you have to eat less calories. Bottom line!

Discussion: How are YOU doing the "eat less" part of Fat Friday? Is there a diet you're trying? A method you're using? Share what is working (or not working!) for you!

Bad Momma: TV Time

2011-10-26T11:39:00.001-05:00

Confession time:

Annabelle watches WAY too much TV.

In my defense, she is obviously not a typical 15 month old who is toddling around and playing with toys at will. And, she spent 10 months in the hospital, where much of the time she did what?? Yep, watched TV.

And she likes it. It's become part of our schedule. After we "eat" breakfast, I put her in the middle of the living room and hook up her feeds, which takes almost an hour. She plays with toys during this time, but having the TV on helps keep her "happy" while we are shoving formula into her stomach.

And usually she's so content, that when her feeding is done, we continue with the TV on. It's the only way Mommy is able to get cleaning done in the morning!

Afternoon is naptime thus the TV stays off, but when the other girls get home from school at 4, they usually flip the TV directly on again.

I haven't counted the exact hours she watches.

But it is much more than the zero to 1 hour most "experts" recommend for children.

It's been worse now that she's broken her leg. We used to have an hour of "jumperoo" time every day, and every Thursday was PT in the morning, but now we don't have those two things until she gets the cast off.

that said, my other kids at this age were home with their dad. And while my husband is a fantastic daddy, I can guarentee you they watched as much if not more TV than Annabelle.

And my other kids all do really well in school, have great attention spans, and are decently well-adjusted kids. It didn't hurt them, so I'm thinking Annabelle won't be worse for wear either.

And it isn't like she sits there like a zombie. She is usually playing with her toys while she watches.

Am I trying to justify a bad habit?

You bet.

Do I use the TV as a babysitter (the phrase used by many )?

You bet. I have very few people (read no-one) who I can actually have watch Annabelle for me because of her meds and special needs, meaning Mommy is pretty much with her 100% of the day except when she is sleeping, and even then there is the magic of a baby monitor! So yes, the Seseme Street and Sid the Science Kid become my make-shift babysitter so I can get SOMETHING done.

*Discussion* - Am I the only one who pretends she's never heard the admonitions against TV time for babies???

OH! And quick update. Annabelle sat up by herself AGAIN this morning! (while she was watching TV, btw...) I was in the kitchen cleaning and looked out over the sink into the living room and saw her sitting up! This Momma was SO SO proud. I was afraid it was a "one time" wonder kind of thing, and it'd be weeks before she tried it again. So I'm hoping that she's getting used to it and it will be come a regular thing.

Baby gates are going to be needed VERY soon, me thinks!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2011-10-25T11:41:00.001-05:00

Okay, I know it's Tuesday, and I'm not supposed to blog until Wednesday on my new fancy schedule.

BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!

I was sitting on the couch and Annabelle was laying on the floor, she'd been rolling around on the blanket I laid out for her. I'd been really excited today, as she was rolling even with her cast, and lifting her leg good and everything. And she was rolling multiple times to try and "get" a toy.

This Momma was very proud.

BUT! I looked a way for a minute, and when I looked back...

ANNABELLE WAS SITTING UP!!!!!!!!!!

Somehow she'd sat up ALL BY HERSELF for the FIRST TIME!!!!!

I seriously think I might cry. We've worked SO SO SO hard for this and I was beginning to wonder if it would ever happen. I NEVER thought it would with her cast, but now I wonder if having the hard cast on helped her get a little leverage to sit up.

dfl;ajsdf;lajdf;oajdfa

Yes, I'm excited!!!!!!!

Anyway, back to regularly scheduled blogging!

YEAH ANNABELLE!!!

Look! I did it all by myself!!!!

Living Life: Remembering Leyda

2011-10-24T02:00:00.000-05:00

Many people have expressed to me how following Annabelle's journey with a Congenital Heart Defect and subsequent heart transplant has put their own problems into perspective.

I appreciate that, because it has put MY problems into perspective as well!

But as I live in this new realm of "heart mom" and mother of a child with very unique needs, I mingle with other mom's with similar struggles. And many times, THEIR stories make a huge impact on my life.

I couldn't list if I tried all the little babies or children I've known who have passed away this past year. Some of them I knew at the hospital personally, others just from connecting with their parents online.

One such mother is Beverly, mom of Leyda.

Beverly has held a special place in my heart ever since I met her online. Leyda is not her biological child, but she is child of her heart. She came to live with Beverly and her husband in 2006 and they adopted her in 2008

Leyda was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart and hypoplastic right lung. She suffered a stroke after her 3rd surgery and again last year, and had other complications that left the doctors with no options but to keep her comfortable. There was no hope, no cure given.

As a mother who has been through a time of "waiting" for my child to die unless a new heart is found, I know a small glimpse of what they must have felt like. The futility of helplessness is indiscribable. But at least for Annabelle, we had an option.

For Leyda, no option was available.

What struck me and bound this family to my heart was their celebration of LIFE.

Beverly didn't distance herself from Leyda to protect her heart.

She didn't coddle her and put her in an untouchable bubble.

Instead, she LIVED LIFE with her. As much as Leyda was able, she went to school. They went on trips. They celebrated. They had fun. Just a few days ago, they made memories by going to the pumpkin patch, even though Beverly knew the days were running thin. They made the most of every day, and didn't wallow in what couldn't be.

Leyda was welcomed into the loving arms of Jesus on Saturday.

On one of her recent carepage updates, Beverly wrote:

A couple of night ago,her hand and foot were hurting and while massaging them I mentionedthat in heaven there would be no pain and she added "no shots, noIB's (IV's) and no owies"!

I cried when I read that. Even far away and never meeting this sweet little one, I had this real sense that heaven was very close for Leyda.

People say sometimes that death is a way God uses to heal, and I've always felt that was a wee bit of a cop out, a way to explain confusion over an unanswered prayer. The thing is, I'm learning that God is God, and I can't demand how He answers our prayers. I don't pretend to know why babies or children like Leyda die. I hate that they hurt and have to have IB's and owies.

Parden my language, but it sucks big time.

But watching Leyda and Beverly and their family live life together and make the most out of each day even when it must have felt hopeless has rocked my perspective in a huge way.

And knowing how much pain Leyda was in, and how free and HAPPY she must be right now, dancing with Jesus in her new body... I would not ask her to come back and endure more pain for anything in this world.

This life is short. Whether short equals five hours, five days, six years like Leyda, or over 90 years like my Grandpa who died while Annabelle was in hospital. Compared to eternity, it is a little blip on the radar.

It is HOW we live the time we have that matters. It's how we serve Jesus, and find joy in His creation, and how we love others. And for the little babies that leave this life too soon, it's about the impact their time here makes on us. It's about loving them for every second we are blessed to have them.

Because Heaven is our final goal and reward.

I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Philippians 3:14

Please, pray for Leyda's family this week. And join me in celebrating the LIFE that this sweet little girl lived.

The verse Beverly shared:

Our bodies now disappoint us, but when they are raised,they
will be full of glory. They are weak now, but when they areraised,
they will be full of power.

~1 Corinthians 15:43

**Annabelle Update**

She's doing well! We have her off oxygen again. Put her on at night the last few nights, but I always wake up to her having taken it off, and she's satting perfectly. I'm trying her with it off tonight, however she's dipping on and off, so if she doesn't settle out to a nice number soon, I'll put it back on.

She had one GREAT day of eating fabulous on Friday. The last two days have been much more of a challenge, but we're making progress. I'll take progress any day of the week!

And, at the moment, she has only ONE doctor appointment this week, and it is a therapy appointment! HURRAY! (although let's not make too big of a deal out of this, because everytime I celebrate it, something happens and we either end up at the doctors three times that week or in the hospital. So let's just pretend she has 4 appointments schedules and we miraculously get to cancel them, kay?!?)

Thanks, everyone, for living life with me, even though for some, it's just "virtually." It truly is a joy to share with you all.

The Rebirth of Fat Friday

2011-10-21T02:00:00.000-05:00

In 2009, I started Fat Friday. The intent was to remind myself each Friday of the fat I needed to shed. They say the first way to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Well, Fat Friday is me admitting my love affair with fried foods, chocolate, and calorie filled pop (or Soda or Coke or whatever you want to call it!)

My last Fat Friday post was October 30th, right around Halloween, and about 2 weeks before I found out I was expecting Annabelle. Incidentally, the post's title was "Fat Friday is boiling in a pot of goo..." appropriate not only for the season, but for its dismal success.

However, I have much more motivation now! Heart-healthy is HUGELY important for Annabelle, so we are making healthier eating important for the rest of our family too.

My husband and I have spent the last month and a half trying to shed the pounds that had plastered themselves under our skin and were being stubborn. We've done pretty decent so far. I've lost 14 pounds... and my husband has almost lost 30!


I could have posted a real picture...

But we're getting to the point where it gets HARD. The pounds are being stubborn, wrapping their legs around my middle and screaming, "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" And with holiday's coming up, I've decided that it's time for Fat Friday to be reborn.

What, exactly, IS Fat Friday?

It's all about ACCOUNTABILITY and ENCOURAGEMENT.

For those of us striving to shed a few pounds and become healthier humans, we start today at ZERO.

I love that word. Zero. Never did see the SIZE zero, nor do want to. But today, that's our number.

Each Friday, I'll check in with a verdict and new number, and a little tidbit of encouragement for the next week. The goal is, obviously, to get NEGATIVE! If you want to join me, feel free to post your progress number each Friday, let us know how you did, what worked, what didn't work, etc!

For those of you toothpicks out there, feel free to encourage me/us along! I, for one, need it!

Goals

Scott and I haven't set firm "goals" for ourselves. Mostly, we just want to be healthier and fit into smaller clothes:-) In the back of my mind, my mini-goals are my pre-pregnancy weights. I'm officially to my pre-Annabelle weight now that I've lose these 14 pounds.

I have another 9 to go to be pre-Gabby.

Another 15 after that to be pre-Lacy.

And still another 15 to be pre-Karalynn.

15 pounds after THAT... and I'd be pre-Scott weight.

I have no grand illusions that after 4 kids I'll be able to be back to my pre-wedding size. I'll be tickled pink to be pre-children size. But right now, I'm focusing on Step two.

Pre-Gabby:-)

Discussion: Anyone joining Fat Friday with me??? Hmmm... ya know we should take those before pictures, ya know where you stick your belly out as far as you can, so when we are nice and skinny and oh-la-la, we can have before and after pictures. HA HA HA! Okay, that might be stretching it a little...

Quick Annabelle Update

2011-10-20T17:11:00.002-05:00

Clinic yesterday was so-so. They said she LOOKS good. Didn't do lab work since we'd already done it when we were in the hospital, so no blood-letting for Annabelle, HURRAY! She was OH so thankful, I know!

They are still puzzled about her increased O2 requirement.

Plan as it stands for now is to give it a few weeks. Wean oxygen as she is able. If by the time her cast comes off, she is still having to have oxygen to keep her SAT's up, then there is a good possibility they will schedule a heart-cath to see what is going on. (If her O2 requirement goes up or she has any issues before then, they would think about doing it sooner.)

Their thought is that it might be that one of her pulmonary arteries needs ballooned (they'd patched one of them to make them bigger in her June open-heart, however it was still smaller than it should be, so they knew ballooning might be needed in the future.)

They'll also check for other pressure issues (checking for pulmonary hypertension) and something about a leak between the two sides, that part I didn't quite understand. These things they wouldn't necessarily "do" anything about, however would be knowledge to help us know how to treat her going forward.

I'm choosing not to think about it all right now. They aren't concerned that there is an immediate problem, so I'm clinging to that. And if we are able to get her off oxygen again, then we can put off the heart-cath a little longer too. (She'll get them done annually, I believe, for the rest of her life. Can we say YUCK?!?)

Thanks for your prayers this week! We really appreciate every one of them!

We're HOME!!!

2011-10-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

We're home, and Annabelle is doing well. On 1/8 to 1/4th of a liter of oxygen. We go to clinic today for a follow-up. Will decide if we are going to try to wean her quickly or keep her on a low dose for a while.

Also, please pray for Scott this morning. He has another job interview with an employment agency. The place he was working at last week called him Monday and let him know that the project they were working on was completed, so he won't go back. To be honest, since I was in the hospital with Annabelle and the kiddos were out of school on fall break, it was a bit of relief. God's timing is perfect! Anyway, we knew it would be temporary and might only last a week or two, but are thankful for every little bit of work he gets!

We're praying he finds someplace a little closer, as the last one was a longish drive and almost didn't make it worth it, and even more important, permanent and full-time!

Annabelle makes me smile today. I woke up to hearing her giggling in her crib. A fantastic sound to this Momma's ears! Now, after eating some rice cereal with bananas (not Annabelle's most favorite activity) she is smiling in her high chair, kicking her legs against the seat. Oxygen or no Oxygen, I love her to death, and we will get through this too with Jesus' help!

Our trip

2011-10-18T00:19:00.001-05:00

Oh.
My.
Good.
Ness.

I'm sitting in the Emergency department with Annabelle right now, about ready to curl up on the blue tile floor and sleep, regardless of my non-pillow status.

What a week/weekend it has been!

A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided that we would, maybe, possibly, try to take our family on our first ever "trip" outside of Nashville with Annabelle. The doctors gave their blessing, Scott took vacation time from Lowes, and we were all set.

Our plan was to visit his parents for a few days, and surprise them AND our kids with the trip. My father-in-law was being thrown a "surprise" retirement party, so we thought we'd surprise both him and my mother-in-law with our appearance.

And our kids have been such good troopers this past year, we thought it'd be fun to surprise them too.

So, we SUPER excited this past week as we planned our secret.

Then Scott got his job. But they told him he could still take of Monday off (today, well, sorry, yesterday since it is now past mid-night!) So we altered our time-frame a little, still excited to go.

Then Annabelle broken her leg. But the orthopedic doctor said we were still okay to go, that she'd just be sitting in her carseat on the trip anyway so it wouldn't hurt her. So we kept on with our secret plans.

Then Thursday night, Annabelle's O2 sats dipped a LOT, causing us to put her back on oxygen for the night. But Friday morning, they were back to normal, and she was doing fine and was happy and smiling and playing. So we kept our plans, I packed the van, and surprised the girls by picking them up early from school.

All was fine, except Annabelle KEPT dipping her O2 sats all weekend, especially at night or during her nap. Last night (Sunday night) was the worst, as they went pretty low, and she was working much harder than normal to breathe.

And Monday morning, she didn't rebound like she had the other mornings. So we loaded up the car, said goodbye to my inlaws (my poor mother-in-law was up all night with the stomach flu,s o we said our goodbyes from afar) and left.

Throughout the day, I had to keep going up on Annabelle's oxygen. My worry level went through the roof. I called the clinic to see if we could get her appointment changed from Wednesday to Tuesday so we could have her checked out sooner than later, and the nurse noted that if she was having trouble breathing, we needed to stop and call an ambulance.

THEN I got really scared. I knew she was okay, as long as she was on the oxygen she was doing well. I told her we'd just come first thing in the morning, and she noted if we were worried enough to bring her first thing in the morning, we should go directly to the ER when we got into town.

So that is what we did.

And you know what?

My daughter is now resting nicely (on oxygen) at th ehospital, and they can't find anything wrong with her so far.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am SO SO SO pleased that everything looks fine so far. Her labs were good. Her EKG was good. Her chest Xray looked even better than the last one she had a few months ago. We'll do an ECHO in the morning to double check that.

I just... I'm just tired. And I want to not have to worry anymore. (Yes, Yes, Yes, I KNOW we aren't supposed to worry... but that is so totally easier said than done when it comes to my 4 girls!)
I want to have a fun trip with my family and not bite my nails in fear the entire time that we'll have to rush to the nearest Children's hospital.

My sweet husband reminded me that this WAS just our first trip. It was bound to be the hardest and nerve wracking.

We did have fun though, when I wasn't hyperventilating in worry. And Annabelle LOVED seeing her grandparents... loved listening to her papa sing to her and pick the guitar! (momma enjoyed too... NOTHING more relaxing than that!) And everyone was SO surprised, which made it great fun too!

Okay, I'm afraid I'm rambling on here, and my eyes are shutting by themselves. Praying we get a room SOON (they have one for us, thank GOD!) They are keeping us for observation tonight, they'll decide more tomorrow once we see the echo results.

Thanks for your prayers! I'll give more non-medical details of our trip later when I can keep my eyes open without using heavy-duty hospital supplies to keep them open.

Stealing back the joy - cont'd

2011-10-14T07:48:00.000-05:00

Stealing back the Joy

Last night got away from me, between watching Annabelle's O2 monitors like a hawk and talking with hubby when he got home.

It was almost midnight before I could actually sit down and have my time with Jesus, fulling intent on "stealing" back my joy! (see yesterday's post...)

I've been reading Paul's letters to the Corinthians lately, and was in II Cor. chapter 4. (I realize this makes me sound like some great person who is in the word everyday... I'm not, I'm good to get it out two or three times a week, but this too I am working on!)

Anyway, this happened to be pretty much the PERFECT chapter for me to read last night.

Here are a few highlight verses that I want to point out.

Vs 6 - 7: For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

HOLY COW!

Do you know just appropriate the term "fragile clay jar" was for me last night?

I was feeling oh-so-weak and about ready to crumble. I was thinking, I MUST not be trusting God or must be doing SOMETHING wrong to feel so incredibly crummy.

But I just smiled when I read this. I AM fragile... like a weak, crack-filled jar of a human that I am.

But God LOVES to use us like that. Because HIS light can shine through our chips and cracks. If we were this solid, thick jar with a cap on it... people would say, "Wow, look at that strong jar!" instead of , "Wow, look at that amazing light coming through that jar!"

THAT is what I want. I want you all to not see me, but see Jesus shining THROUGH me. I want to be so humbling bowed down before God that he shines through me and there is NO mistaking where my light comes from.

You'll recognize the next verses from a song...

Vs 8 - 10 : We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

I feel like the devil has pressed in on me from every side this week, has perplexed me, hunted me and knocked me down.

But I am NOT crushed.
I am NOT driven to despair (not in the long term anyway!)
I am NEVER abandoned by God
I am NOT destroyed.

Amen? Amen!

Vs 16 - 18 : This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Oh, oh, OH! THIS is what I needed last night. I've been "fixing my gaze" on all the little things, like, uh, broken legs, that are small and won't last very long (cast to come off in 3 weeks!) Yet, going through tough things can bring us closer to God, and allow his glory to shine through us even brighter if we let it.

There is an old Skillet song that none of you have probably heard of. It was off their original album years ago (My husband was a panhead before they were so well-known)

Anyway, there is a line in it that says, "Soak my heart in gasoline, light a match consume me. Soak my pride in gasoline, all of you, and none of me."

It brings me back to the fragile clay pot. I think sometimes we thing "God will give us strength, he'll patch our holes" when really, he wants us to chip away at us and create NEW holes, because HE wants to consume us. This chipping will be a constant thing until we are in heaven and get our NEW bodies, which, in comparison, will be clear, transparent, unbreakable glass that allows God to shine through completely!

If you have a moment, Google Skillet gasoline lyrics. They are pretty powerful lyrics when you think of God lighting your heart on fire, consuming you, so there is less of you and ALL of Him.

So, those are my thoughts for today. As I said, I'm stealing back my joy.

Annabelle Update!

Continue to pray for Annabelle. She's back off her oxygen (took it off around 4 in the morning, or at least that's when I found her waiving it high in the air!) She's still dipping some, but not so much, and to be honest, I don't think it's picking up well anyway because it is fluctuating more than humanly possible:-) One doesn't go from 78 to 98 in 5 seconds then back to 88 5 seconds later!

I did end up calling the doctor last night just to let them know what was going on. They concurred that it is probably because of pain, pain meds, and not having good sleep yesterday. Just going to keep an eye on her this morning to make sure she is "acting" okay once awake.

NEXT WEEK!

My plans keep getting interrupted by more important blog posts that I need to write! BUT, I am determined to start my Friday series as I want to.

What will it be called, you ask?

Well, I'm reinstating an OLD series I had on my blog a few years ago. It's called.... wait for it...

FAT FRIDAY

It'll be fun. I promise!

More details to come next week! (I know you are all just GIDDY with excitement... all I can say is, EAT YOUR CHOCOLATE NOW!)

The Cast and Joy Stealing

2011-10-13T21:25:00.001-05:00

My poor little Annabelle!

Went to the Orthopedic doctor today. She made me feel a little better. Said babies with small bones like Annabelle's are VERY suseptable to this kind of break. I wish I would have known that going into it. This momma wouldn't have even attempted to get her to stand at home! (and in the future, Mommy and PT will have a very tenuous at-home relationship!)

The doctor looked at me, "I'm mean, you're not beating yourself up about this or anything, right?"

I said, "YES I AM!"

*sigh* I know I need to get over this. I'm working on it. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and encouragement to me. They really HAVE helped. I suppose it's one of those things that one has to "accept" then put it behind them and get over it. If we wallow in the "could have been", it helps no one.

Anyway, Annabelle now sports a handy dandy soft purple cast almost to her hip (they were out of pink!) The fracture is in her femur, and is small, and she hopes Annabelle only has to have the cast for 3 weeks. She said babies heal fast.

We got some pain meds that should help too, for this I am thankful, as is Annabelle!! It still bothers her to move it, but I'm hoping by tomorrow, with the aid of better medicine, she won't cry so much with things like diaper changes and moving her.

Still, my poor little love looks pitiful in her cast! The girls came home from school and took one look at her and said, "Oh no! That looks awful!"

But the girls and I all "signed" her cast for her. I'm sure by the time 3 weeks come, it will be mostly covered!

***

I was sitting at the doctors with Annabelle feeling pretty much like crap. I was mad at me, mad at God, mad at pretty much anything I could remotely blame anything on.

Today was supposed to be a happy day, for a very selfish reason! You see, I checked the mail this morning, and received something I'd been waiting for for almost a month. Something was REALLY looking forward to.

My first advance check on my book.

Okay, so this is stupid. It was totally not the money (which isn't a lot, HA, as writers make notoriously little money, much less debut authors! Needless to say, Scott really really needs a permanent job asap!) But it was the fact that someone paid me ANYTHING for my writing. It validated what I've been working for and praying for these past few years. It was just a fun step, ya know?

But I found zero joy in it. And I was really irritated at God for letting my one FUN thing come on a day that pretty much sucked the joy out of anything positive.

Then a thought popped into my head, as I was wondering if God was punishing me for something, or trying to "send me a message" through all the little bad things happening lately.

Here was the thought: The DEVIL loves to steal our joy. He loves to take our joy and throw it in the trash. And all day long, really all WEEK long, I've let him steal it. From being grumpy with my family, to getting frustrated at the doctor's office, to even tonight, burning dinner and stressing so much that my head aches like crazy.

It was funny, tonight, in the few minutes I got to see my hubby between jobs, I was telling him my revelation, and that is when I burned my dinner. GO FIGURE!

So tonight I sit here, feeling robbed of every ounce of joy in my body. That sounds yucky, I know, but there it is.

What I've decided to do is this:

I'm gonna steel it back.

I'm gonna put my kiddos to bed, I'm gonna snuggle up on the couch with my Bible, and I'm gonna relax. Think Yoga plus God minus weird muscle-confusing poses. Think of it as a covert operation of God and I's to steel back that joy and claim it as our own, because it IS.

And, furthermore, we're gonna have a GREAT weekend. No more joy-steeling allowed!

Because in the end, our joy shouldn't be in our circumstances, it should be found in JESUS. So I'm thinking that's how to correct it, hm? To focus my eyes on Jesus.

I'm not there yet, I'll be honest. But I plan to get there, and quickly, because I'm tired of wallowing in, well, unjoy.

Please continue your prayers for my Annabelle. SHE, by the way, is fantastic about not letting anyone steel her joy! Even though she hurts, I can tell, she still, as long as she's not moving her leg, smiles and laughs and is having JOY in her toys. I'm so thankful for this, and so thankful that God protects HER joy for her. I'm thinking that is why children are so "resilient" after things. Because God knows they can't protect their own joy, so he does it for them. But when we grow up, we're supposed to learn to safeguard our own joy:-)

*** more steeling ***

So, I'm just now able to come back to this, hours later. Put Annabelle back on her oxygen for the first time in about 4 weeks. I'm fairly certain it is only because of her pain meds that I gave her, and how absolutely exhausted she is.

She ALWAYS dips her Sats for about the first hour or two after she goes to sleep. However, they always come back up around 10 to 11 when she is good and asleep. TOnight, though, she was dipping lower than normal, but she was also more tired than I've seen her in a LONG time. She didn't have her nap at all today because we were at the doctors, and I gave her her pain meds, and she didn't even go to sleep right away with those. However, before I put her to bed, she was literally in the living room falling asleep as she sat up!

So, I think she's just so sleepy that she's taking shallow breathes. And Annabelle needs good, deep breathes for those poor, damaged lungs of hers!! I anticipate monitoring her for a few hours and taking her right back off. If I can't get her off by morning, or if her O2 sats get worse, I'll call the doctor tonight.

But ya know what? Even as I hunted down her oxygen supplies that I had long since put away, I smiled, because I had just written this post and had this firm feeling that Satan was trying for one last pull. Nope. Not gonna get it.

God is my guard dog, alarm system, and body guard all in one. (although I'm unsure if God would like to be compared to a dog... I think he gets my meaning though:-))

Broken Bone

2011-10-12T17:58:00.000-05:00

Annabelle has a fracture of her femur:-(

Her and I were "practicing" standing up, meaning I was trying to get her to set her feet on the ground and straighten her legs, and she was doing good until her left leg buckled underneath her at an weird angle.

She screamed and screamed, and Momma cried and cried with her as I rocked her. I put her to nap shortly after, thinking rest might make her feel better.

But she woke up crying, and whenever I move her leg, she cries.

So I called the doctor, took her to get an Xray, then they just called me back (we're at home) and told me there is a buckle fracture above her knee on her femur.

The doctor said she probably has weaker bones due to questionable nutrition for so long, all her meds, and just being in the hospital for so long, which makes them break easier.

I'm just... beside myself, to say the least. I *know* it was an accident and not my fault, but I keep thinking if I just wouldn't have pushed her so much, if I would have stopped the first time she stood and not made her try a second time. I just... I'm just so completely over this.

We should be going to see the orthopedic doctor at Vanderbilt sometime tomorrow. Not sure what exactly they do for a buckle fracture of the leg. I can't imagine poor Annabelle in a leg cast!!! Holy cow. I just... My mind isn't wrapping around this well.

I just want to say... really God? THIS TOO??? Has my baby not gone through enough???

And then part of me is selfish and tired and just so over all this too.

But... God knows all this too. I'm so thankful that He understands when we're tired and give out and not in the greatest of humor. He carries us then too.

I'll update again tomorrow after we see the orthopedic, as to what they decide to do.

Your continued prayers for us are appreciated, especially poor Annabelle. She's hurting a lot tonight, and screams everytime I move her at all. I might just let her sleep on the floor tonight so I don't have to get her up!!! Giving her tylenol every 4 hours as she needs it. *sigh*

A Whisper

2011-10-12T09:30:00.001-05:00

I LOVE Parent Teacher Conferences.

Mostly because I have fabulous kids. I've NEVER had a conference that was anything but glowing reports about the work and behavior of my children. I am blessed, this I know!

SO, yesterday was parent teacher conferences, and they went wonderful, just as I anticipated. I have a bunch of smarty-pants in my house, and they are all "joys to have in the classroom."

(I wish, however, their excellent behavior would extend at home as well, HA!)

I was SUPER excited to get to talk to Gabby's teacher though to find out how she is doing in Kindergarten. Gabby has always been super smart. She colors like NO kindergardner I've ever know, she knew all her letters going into school and most all her sounds. She, as I expected, is doing phenomonal.

The one thing about Gabby though, is that she whispers.

Not at home, mind you. She's loud as can be here!

But at school, she refuses to talk. If she needs to tell someone something, she whispers it to them. Has been this way from the first day of school.

I didn't realize this for a while. I mean, I knew she whispered to the teacher when we got there that first day, but I'd assumed that after a day or two of getting used to it, she would come out of her shell and talk more. Because... my Gabby is definitely a talker!

But about a month ago, she was getting ready to go to a friend's birthday party. She was VERY concerned about being able to go, and this is the reason she gave me. "Momma, I PROMISED < insert friend's name> I would talk to her at the party!"

This gave me pause. "You mean you don't normally talk to her?"

My daughter looked at me as if I'd grown five heads with horns on each of them. "NO!"

I thought for a moment. "Gabby, do you talk at all at school?"

She shook her head vehemently. "No, I whisper."

Keep in mind she'd been in school over a month at that point. And she'd NEVER talked to anyone, except a whisper.

BABY Gabby - Beautiful then, Beautiful now!

My heart just about broke. My sweet, sweet Gabby. Visions of her lonely in a corner, not talking to anyone, flashed in my head. What if kids teased her for her whispering? What if she became that lonely hermit that would never talk to anyone?

Yes, this Momma is a bit insecure.

She ended up going to the party, but the moment we got there, she clamped her lips shut. All her intentions of talking went through the window. Incidently, this was the same birthday party she got sick and threw up at. Not helpful!!!

Fast forward to conferences yesterday. I was really interested to see if the whispering had subsided, although through my conversations with Gabby, I was pretty sure it hadn't.

Sure enough, my daughter still whispers.

The teacher told me, and I agree, that she's decided to not call attention to it. She asks Gabby to speak louder when she needs to hear her. And there is one friend Gabby is very close to and talks to (usually whispers, but occasionally will forget and talk) so she has them sitting together and will keep them together most of the year to encourage this. (not often a teacher has to keep children together to MAKE one of them talk, HA!)

But this is what really stole my heart about the matter.

Her teacher told me that the other students are REALLY sweet about it. That they all encourage Gabby to talk, but in a very nice way. In fact, one time Gabby forgot to whisper and was talking out at recess, and some of the kids came to her and said, "Gabby, you have a really nice voice!"

I can see Gabby's blush now! But how PLEASED she would have been, that I know.

I came home and couldn't get the image out of my head.

Those little kindergardners, with their sweet hearts, had taught this Momma a lesson.

Instead of being "mean", or talking down to her because she won't talk, or ignoring her until she did, they "loved" her into talking. They encouraged her, they complemented her, they came to her level and didn't judge, but just loved her as she is.

What fabulous examples of Jesus these children are. Jesus comes to us, a broken people, and loves us anyway. He encourages us. He says, "My, what beautiful hearts you have!" Even in our sin, he sees underneath, he sees the potential.

I want to be that kind of mother, too. I tend to be a little more on the harsh side with my kiddos, and while I'll always be a bit of a disciplinarian, I'm learning that I need to show love even through my correction.

Reminds me of a discussion I had with my eldest daughter a few years ago. She wanted to know if she could go to school and tell ALL her friends that the HAD to ask Jesus into their hearts. Keep in mind, my daughter is quite bold. She totally would have gone and figuratively "beat them over the head" with her Bible. I explained that it is WONDERFUL to tell our friends about Jesus. But it is almost even MORE important to show them Jesus love.

When they see Jesus love in our lives, they'll be much more open to understanding the love and need for our Savior.

We were on our way to the grocery store having this conversation, and when we got there, I figured the topic dropped. But while we shopped, my daughter offered to help put things in the cart, and helped me put things into the car, things she normally wouldn't have thought to do. I found this odd, but sweet.

On the way home, she said, "Did you notice me? Did you notice me helping out and trying to show Jesus love to you?"

Needless to say, this Momma let out a few tears at that.

Discussion: What have YOU done to show Jesus love lately? Or, how have others shown Jesus love to YOU?

I'll start. I sent an e-mail the other day to a group of writer friends about a personal dilemma I was having. It was weighing on my heart, and making me feel not-quite-so-great about myself. And what did those friends do? They stood in the gap for me. They helped me with an issue I was really struggling with, and in such a sweet, kind manner as well.

This same group of friends, while I was in the hospital with Annabelle, send me cards/gifts every week or two for a period of 2 or 3 months, just to encourage and lift me up. It meant the world to me!

There are a billion other examples of how people have showed Jesus' love to our family this past year. This blog post would be a mile long if I sat down to list them.

I call this... household... to order!

2011-10-10T02:00:00.000-05:00

Judge Mommy is residing.

Okay, not quite so formal.

But with the winds of change blowing yet again in our household, I have a deep craving even more than normal for ORDER in my household.

I managed a payroll department for a national corporation since 2007. I should be able to manage my household now... right??

Not that I haven't been these past few months. I just feel that I have been running on literally a whim and a prayer, on a day-to-day basis. MUCH of this was because of Annabelle's in-and-out of the hospital status, as well as ME having just come off a year of operating on a 24-hour window basis in order to keep my sanity.

But my family NEEDS more order and at least a vague semblance of stability.

*I* need it if I'm going to retain my sanity.

So here are a few things that I, personally, am going to implement this week to try and help.

Throw away the schedule. I've been trying to stick to a schedule during the day, and to be honest, it just doesn't work for me. I fail daily, then I feel like a failure daily, then I have an incredible urge to drown myself in chocolate...daily, which is NOT good for my diet. Inevitably, something occurs that gets me off schedule even when I try my best to tame the beast that is my day. So, instead of having an hour-by-hour daily schedule, I am going to do bigger chunks.

Mornings will be for picking up/cleaning/projects.
Afternoons will be for contract work/writing/blogging.

Obviously, Annabelle will still have HER schedule we will abide by. And clinic days will mess up the above, but this is going to be my goal. MUCH more doable that "8 to 9, clean this..."

Tame the Blog. Blogging really doesn't take a lot of time for me, and it's fun. HOWEVER, I need to get back into a routine for it as well, so I'm going back to my goal of Monday/Wednesday/Friday blogging. Obviously, this will change if something happens with Annabelle and we need prayer more urgently. The content will remain much the same: My thoughts on life as a regular momma, as a heart momma, as a wife, and as a follower of Jesus, as well as Annabelle updates! My prayer for my blog (and my books for that matter) is the same as well: that through my writing, you'll see Jesus and be encouraged.

Prioritizing vs Procrastinating. I'm a huge believer in prioritizing. But I am woman enough to admit that many times, the word "prioritizing" easily becomes a smoke-screen for "procrastinating." I can't tell you how many times the words, "But that isn't due for another two weeks!" has come out of my mouth, even to my kids regarding homework. I know, I know, a HORRIBLE example to them. But at least I admit my faults, right?

So I am going to make a concerted effort to STOP PROCRASTINATING and just get things done instead of waiting until it is "due."

I'll admit, out of the three, this will be the hardest for me. I might even, uh, prioritize, the other two!

Discussion: Anything you've implemented at your house lately to help keep the peace/order/sanity?? I'll take any tips/suggestions as well!

**Annabelle Update**

She's doing great! Ate REALLY good for me on Sunday, which made me SO incredibly happy. Hopefully no clinic visit this week... although she does have her first eye doctor appointment today! I'm praying they are just fine, but "lazy" eye runs in our family, and sometimes when she focuses, I can see one eye isn't as straight as the other. Praying this isn't what I think it is!! Since I have it, the doctor said my kiddos have a 50% chance of having it as well.

Job (and, uh, other stuff) update

2011-10-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

Well, Scott got in around 1 a.m. from his first "day" on the job. His phone had died, so I'd spent the last few hours worrying (uh, sorry, concerned!) about him because he'd thought it would get done around 9. Alas, he wasn't finished until midnight!

I did find out, once I was able to talk to him (keep in mind they had called him and said, be here in an hour, yesterday morning) that this is a purely, at the moment, temp position. Might last a few weeks to a month. There is a very small possibility of staying longer and it turning into permanent, but at this point, we are to treat this purely as temporary because that is what it's looking like.

So, while this helps in the short-term for our finances, continued prayer for a permanent, full-time, benefit wielding position for my husband is greatly appreciated! (preferably one that isn't a 45 minute drive away... but we are trusting God that He knows exactly what we need, and if it means a season of "traveling" to work, then so be it.)

Annabelle seems to be doing better. No more blood in her stool that I can see. I can tell her digestive system still isn't right though. I won't go into detail!

Thanks again for your prayers!!! Hope you all have a FABULOUS WEEKEND!!!

Prayer requests today!

2011-10-07T11:37:00.001-05:00

Two prayer requests today, both pretty important!

First, Annabelle had a little blood in her stool last night. I called the doctor, and I'm to keep an eye on it over the weekend. If it gets worse, I have to take her to the ED. (Evidently they are emergency departments now, no longer emergency rooms! Something I learned during her hospital stay...)

If it continues, we have to go to clinic on Monday, the first monday we were SUPPOSED to be able to skip! We will most likely then be referred to the GI specialists.

It isn't a lot of blood. Just little specks, and just the one time. So please pray it GOES AWAY and that she processes food just fine.

On a positive note... I went to feed her breakfast this morning (rice cereal... she usually takes a couple of bites) but I was out of rice cereal. So, I fed her normal baby food.

And she ate... TWO WHOLE JARS!!!! Plus a few bites of the last of the rice cereal. HUGE praise right here!

Second prayer request is ALSO a praise. Scott got a call about a job he applied for months ago. They wanted him to come in TODAY to start to train. He threw shoes on and left within the hour! It is just a temporary job, but is like a temp-to-perm thing. It is all the way in Nashville though, so is a 30 to 45 minute drive for him.

On the plus side, the hours are such that he can keep his Lowe's job, which is REALLY needed for us to be able to do this on only his income.

The down-side is that he will be working close to 70 hours a week when you factor in the drive everyday plus hours at both jobs. A huge change from what he has been doing, and will be a huge shock to our family schedule. While we need income, I still need a husband and the kids still need a daddy!

Please pray for God's favor, and for favor with this job, and that GOD'S WILL WILL BE DONE! I know God has the PERFECT job for my husband, and he knows exactly what we need, when we need it.

Routines and the evil jealous-monster

2011-10-05T20:04:00.001-05:00

I. Like. Routines.

I have not always been like this. In fact, I'm a big believer in having spontaneous fun, too.

Yet now that I'm at home with my kiddos, I find myself CRAVING a routine. One that has been sorely missing in my household.

Even though I recognize the need, I'm having trouble implementing. Something ALWAYS comes up, puts a wrench in my plans, and I *feel* like the day is ruined.

Happy at our last, weekly clinic visit!

On a POSITIVE note though... we are finally down to EVERY OTHER WEEK clinic visits! So next monday will be the FIRST time we do NOT have to go to Nashville in, well, since Annabelle has been home, as a matter of fact.

I am so utterly excited! I try not to think about the fact that we SHOULD be down to monthly visits by now. I am choosing to focus on the positive.

Speaking of focusing on the positive,

I have a confession to make. And it is not a very "Christ"-like one, but is very honest.

While Annabelle was in the hospital, one of the big things I struggled with personally was jealousy. I'd see babies with similar heart defects come into the unit and sail through their surgeries.

When I saw them happily going off to the "floor" or to home after only a week in the hospital... I would rejoice with them, but in private, had to swallow the lump of jealousy that sat (rather uncomfortably) somewhere behind my tongue.

I tried so hard not to ask God "Why" because I knew the question was futile. His answer is always the same, "Hush, my child. I'm with you. Trust me. Keep going."

I'd have to deal with righteous jealousy, too, hen a little baby in the unit would fight so hard but in the end, became a fallen hero to CHD (Congenital Heart Defect.) Why God? Why did they not make it but Annabelle did? Why did they not make it but all these other babies are doing fabulous?

The answer was the same. "Hush, my child. I'm with them. Trust me. Keep going."

I thought I left jealousy behind when we left the hospital. Finally, we were having OUR turn to live outside the sterile walls of Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.

Most days I do well and can focus on all the good things. I can be thankful.

But I'll be honest with you (and a LOT ashamed of myself.) I swallowed a little pill of jealousy the other day again.

Remember baby Scarlet? Who the doctors gave little hope of being able to survive until heart transplant? Who finally got her heart a week ago Monday?

Well, she is doing FABULOUS! From everything I can tell from her mom's facebook page, she is doing just amazing. She is on NO oxygen, is already eating by mouth, and they are talking about discharge next week!

Don't get me wrong. I am happy dancing for them. This news is SO very amazing and God is SO SO SO SO SO wonderful to bless them like this. To go from the doctors telling you to make a plan for how you want your baby's death to go, to getting to take your baby HOME just two weeks later.... there are no words for how wonderful that is!!!! Can I get an amen?!?

But, in my low, frustrated moments, I can't help but be a little jealous. Annabelle spent over SIX weeks recovering from her transplant, including another surgery on her diaphragm. We never could get her off oxygen before coming home. And we have spent another 30 days in 5 different hospital stays since coming home, including suspected rejection, another emergency open-heart for her failing new heart, an ambulance/lifeflight ride which required CPR and emergency on-the-road intubation.

Not to mention our continued feeding and physical therapy issues.

I'm not having a pity-party. Okay, maybe a little-bitty one.

I guess I tell you this for a few reasons:

One, so many people comment on how well I take all this. I just want to be honest and let you know I have huge down-times too, where I don't handle it how I should. We're all human. I'm thankful God understands and loves me anyway.

Two, to ask for your continued prayers for our family. I am SO SO SO SO thankful for how WELL Annabelle is doing. But some days, many days, it's just plain hard.

***Annabelle Update***

She's doing well. Still eating sometimes, not eating other times. We've introduced a sippy cup. Annabelle has introduced the sippy cup to the floor.

We were able to go down on her diuretic to only once a day, which means she is peeing like a champ which we are SO SO SO grateful for!

Stools are still not-so-pleasant, but not as bad as they have been. I won't go into detail in case you are eating while you read this... HA!

Otherwise, we are doing well! She got to SWING in her big-girl swing outside the other day for the first time!! She has now decided that instead of screaming the entire time, baths aren't quite so bad. And the other day, Scott walked in the door, and she squeeled. The first time she's done that! SO cute to hear!

She frowned the whole time... until she saw the camera!

And we think she is finally starting to teethe. I don't see any teeth yet, however she is chewing on EVERYTHING! Including Dad's guitar...

So yes, while the green monster of jealous does sneak in every now and again, I am still oh-so-thankful for the blessings God has given us. I take no good day for granted.

And now, for a viewing to see how much Annabelle LOVES CARROTS!!! (HA!) (it wouldn't be so long, but I was trying to get the princess to "talk" to you with hers ahhh ahhh's but she wouldn't, the stinker!)

And forgive my baby talk. You don't realize how stupid you sound until you have it on video *grin*

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

2011-10-02T12:31:00.001-05:00

Twelve years ago today, I married the love of my life. It's a little dizzying, thinking about everything that we have been through in 12 years of marriage.

We've moved five times.
Lived in 3 different states.
We've lived through times plenty and times of just scraping by
Celebrated five babies.
Mourned the loss of one of those baby's in a miscarriage.
We were foster parents to three wonderful kiddos who will always hold a piece of my heart.
We endured the pain of the news about Annabelle's heart.
And we fought together with our daughter for her life.

We've had tons of celebrations, and had tons of times were we probably just wanted to strangle each other. I think that is pretty typical of EVERY couple.

But we've endured. We've laughed in spite of our pain. We've loved in spite of our fear.

We're having a low-key day in celebration. I LOVE having kiddos who are starting to get older. They surprised us with "breakfast-in-bed" which was (cold) waffles, syrup, and milk, and homemade cards from each of them. It meant more to us than all the grand breakfast buffet's in the world.

We skipped church this morning. Not our best moment, but church is during Annabelle's feeding time, and since I slept in an hour (till 7 instead of 6!) I couldn't feed her early like I usually do. So, we sang praise and worship music together, read a chapter in the Bible, and the girls did a Karalynn sponsored Sunday School activity. (They made crosses out of popcycle sticks.)

We HOPE to go to dinner tonight withOUT our kids for the first time in a LONG time. It's the first time leaving Annabelle with a family member though, so we are playing this by ear at the moment. If I'm even the slightlest bit worried about Annabelle, we'll stay home and just veg out here.

That said...

In Denver for our 10th Anniversary!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, my sweet, wonderful, handsome, cute, lovable, goofy, sexy, awesome, weight-losing, hardworking, lawn-mowing, trash-taker-care-off-er, great kisser, daddy-of-my-children, HUSBAND, Scott Phillips!

(Note: The above is an inside joke... that I will explain. Scott and I met online in a chat-room, back when chat-rooms were still half-way cool. Like, the You've Got Mail days. Anyway, whenever we would write "snail mail" to each other, we'd end the letter with, Sincerely, your ______ and we'd try to write all the things we want to be to the other. It came like a competition of who could include the longest, silliest letter ending. We continued it occasionally after we got married... but it's been a while. Sorry for the slight PG-13-ish part! HA!)

Weird week and prayer request

2011-09-30T20:26:00.001-05:00

MAN what a week.

Stupid, life-threatening Mistakes

First, it started on monday by getting my hand slapped (not literally) by Annabelle's doctor, and rightly so. I made a really stupid mistake on her meds over the weekend (I won't go into detail) and it caused her blood level of her main anti-rejection med to be severely low. Considering we'd been struggling for the past two weeks to keep it high enough (most likely because of her Extreme Diaper Makeover: Poop Edition) it is NOT good that she dipped even lower.

So I've worried ALL week about potential rejection, which they warned is a possibility.

Heads that Ache

I've also struggled with headaches all week, from Monday through Thursday. Having a headache for 4 days is NO FUN AT ALL. It would go away with meds, but come right back after they wore off. It is gone now, thank you JESUS! But suffice to say, it took every ounce of my energy. I got zero accomplished this week and felt like a horrible Momma. My poor husband bore the brunt of my irritability. I love him. And I love that he loves me even when I'm not super kind.

Tummy's that are full

Yesterday, we decided to be "bad" and go out to lunch. Our "out-to-eat" times are few and far between given us trying to preserve our finances. That, and we've both been making a concerted effort to watch what we eat. (good for the waistline AND the wallet, HA!)

So this was a big splurge for us. And really, I think I needed it. I had a big honkin' cheese burger, fries, coke, and a chocolate frosty.

It was heaven.

The cheeseburger diet

I am also pleased to report that even though I splurged, I was still down another pound this morning! It puts me within 3 pounds of my pre-Annabelle weight! (Then I have to start working on the weight from the other three kids... HA!)

And today, I felt SO much better! I spent the morning cleaning my house, something I'd not done all week. I barely scratched the surface, but still, it was nice to accomplish something!

The REALLY important prayer request

Then... I got a phone call.

My daddy went to the emergency room and was admitted. He had triple bypass heart surgery in 2009, and he was having pretty bad chest pain today. They haven't said for sure if it was a heart attack again or not, but we are all obviously concerned. They will be doing a heart cath on Monday to take a "look" around and see if they find any issues.

Please, please keep my daddy in your prayers this weekend, and specifically on Monday as they do the cath. God is in control of this, just like he was with Annabelle. We are trusting Him, and praying he helps my mom, dad, and the doctors to make wise decisions.

Regarding Annabelle...

She is doing well enough. She made me a wee bit nervous last night, her SAT's stayed in the low 90's to upper 80's most of the night, which is lower than what they have been. We are keeping an eye out on it, especially give my stupid mistake last weekend.

We also changed her formula. She was having SUCH bad stools, like 7 to 10 a day, and they would go EVERYWHERE, and I thought she was looking a little dry again. So, I decided to change it (we wanted to do so in the next week or two anyway) to see if it made a difference.

I'm happy to report it DID! So far today, she has only pooped TWICE! And both of them were contained by her diaper for the most part! (Sorry for the yucky visual!)

She's still gagging some, but I vent her and it gets better immediately.

And she's eating a little again! Her eating is another thing that has REALLY worn on me this week too. I literally wanted to quit some days. It got worse every day until Thursday, I couldn't even get a bite in her.

Until Thursday night. I *made* her eat a bite (aka shoved the spoon between her tightly closed lips while she pushed my hand away) and you know what? I put that spoon up to her mouth again, and she opened her mouth and ate it. We repeated it until the jar was gone. First time she willingly ate in a week.

I think my daughter is just stubborn and opinionated or something. Today she ate some, but not "whole" jars. I'm not pushing too hard though. Trying to find a balance that will teach her to eat and get in the habit without her absolutely hating me for it.

Sorry for the long, not-so-upbeat update. I have pictures I could post, but to be honest, I'm tired and worn out. My energy from this morning has long since been drained.

See now, I really don't like leaving a blog on a depressing note.

So.... God is good, eh? Yes, yes, He is. Every day. All the time. Through the great days and the stinky ones. Amen? Amen!

How To Know You've Lost Your Mind

2011-09-28T07:45:00.001-05:00

My alarm went off at 6 a.m. this morning.

I turned it off. Then snuggled right back into my pillow.

"I'll get up in a minute."

YEAH RIGHT.

6 a.m. is important. Annabelle needs meds, her feeds, and my kids need woken up to get ready for school. I drifted into on and off slumber, only faintly aware that I really SHOULD be getting my butt out of bed.

At 6:30, I sat straight up in my bed.

I'd overslept. Meds, kids, feeds, snacks to prepare, field trip form to fill out. This would be a crazy morning.

I ran to my kids' room, flipped on the light and yelled, "GET UP! It's LATE!"

I threw waffles into the toaster.

I filled water bottles at fast forward speed.

I grabbed whatever pre-prepared snacks I could find.

I dealt with kiddos who "can't find ANYTHING to wear" or "can't tie my shoe!" I stuffed waterbottles and snacks into book bags.

At 7:01 a.m., I pushed them out the door then slid onto the couch to catch my breath.

I am oh-so-ashamed to admit that not one of them had brushed their teeth.

But they were gonna get on the bus on time, DAD GUM IT!

7:05: Lacy comes in. "Mom, I think we've missed the bus." I tell her to wait a few more minutes. It could be just late, right?

A few minutes later, still no bus. UGH. Fine, I'd just have to take them myself. Still in my PJ's, I threw shoes on, woke up my husband because Annabelle still hadn't gotten feeds or meds (btw, you can give meds an hour early or up to an hour late... so I didn't feel like I was TOO late with this.)

I was printing out Lacy's field trip form (due today, was gonna take it to school myself if they'd made the bus) and my husband comes out of the bedroom. "Uh, Krista? Is the clock in here wrong?"

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, but like 10 minutes like it ALWAYS is Scott." Duh, Men. Could they not remember anything?

"But, I mean, is it THAT late?"

I huff. Then look at my cellphone clock. It was 7:15, just like I...

And a lightbulb comes on.

It is 7:15.

Bus comes at EIGHT... not seven.

For a moment, I felt really really stupid. I truly had lost my mind.

But you know me. Silver lining Momma to the rescue.

When it comes down to it, my kids were ready FORTY-FIVE MINUTES EARLY! (well, minus brushing their teeth which they now had time for, WOOHOO.)

See? I AM a good Momma. (Minus the whole almost sending them out with morning breath and potentially rotting their teeth early making them have dentures at the age of 20... but that's besides the point!)

MY BOOK TITLE

2011-09-26T08:53:00.003-05:00

It's funny that I'm "announcing" my book title today.

My agent blogged about the importance of a good title today! A bit ashamed, I confess that I was much like the author she mentioned in her blog. My "working" title I didn't think was very good, but I slapped it on there, knowing a publishing house would probably want to change it anyway.

In my defense, when I first wrote my book, I intended it for the "Love Finds You in (insert cool named city)" series. But when I was finished, I just had a feeling it wouldn't be a good fit for that line. So when I entered contests, I changed the name to "A Sandwich Romance" just for ease sake.

Confession: I HATE COMING UP WITH TITLES! Writing the book is fun, but creating a title is mind-breaking work for me. Basically you're trying to sum up 80-100k words in just a few really catchy ones.

Yikes!

Here are a few reasons why I stuck with my working title when submitting though.

I write romance. And I think a title that "shows" that the book is definitely romance is a good thing. Words like Bride, Groom, Love, Romance, and Wedding are all GREAT to have in a title (although there are plenty good ones without...)
My book is all about sandwiches. It fit!
Confession: Pure and utter laziness

BUT! I was blessed that my publishing house, Abingdon, looked past a blah title and contracted my book anyway!

And, when Rachelle e-mailed me a copy of the final contract, and I clicked open the document...

I found a surprise!

There was a title, other than my working one, listed on the contract. I quickly e-mailed her, asking if this was the final final title. I was told it was the approved title, but if I didn't like it, I could offer suggestions and they would take them into consideration.

I LOVED that they gave me this option, but the more I thought about the new title, I just felt that it fit.

I write funny inspirational contemporary romance (how is that for a mouthful of a genre!) My title is fun and still has the word romance in it! Wahoo for that!

Okay, I've strung this out long enough. Do you want to know what the title is yet???

Sandwich, With a Side of Romance

It fits because the setting is the small town of Sandwich, IL (where I was born and lived till I was 5, incidentally!) The hero owns an upscale sandwich restaurant. And the heroine finds herself the gooey filling stuck in between her new boss, who she has a senseless crush on, and his fiancee, who despises her and wants to make every moment of her life a living not-very-nice-place.

Lots of sandwich drama here!

So.... what do you think of my title? For your readers out there... when you go into a bookstore or look on amazon for a book... how important is the title?? What do YOU think makes a good book title?

*Annabelle update*

She's doing well. No major issues. Feeding is still a problem. After 4 days of eating like a champ, she decided, na, not so much anymore. We still make her eat 3 times a day, but she isn't pleased about the matter. (see picture... I looked away for literally a moment and there went the whole jar of carrots!)

Annabelle: LOOK Momma! I can't eat them now!

However, what she didn't realize is that the tray was clean... so Momma just fed her off the tray. She was a big chagrined after that.

Clinic visit today. Please pray for good lab results and just a good visit overall!

Oh, and remember baby Scarlet I asked you to pray for a week or so ago???? SHE IS GETTING HER HEART TODAY!! Her Momma updated Facebook late last night that they'd gotten their heart call! THANK YOU JESUS! Please pray for little Scarlet today as she gets her new heart, for few complications, and that her body can recover for any damage her old heart may have done. Of course, please keep the donor family in your prayers as well. Reminds me again, of how appropriate the song I posted about on Saturday is.

To summarize:

Yeah for fun book titles.
Boo for Annabelle not eating.
Yeah for a heart for Scarlet!

(And yes, I made a yeah-boo sandwich on purpose! It's monday morning, with not a lot of sleep, I'll roll my eyes at myself later...)

He Gives and Takes Away... Blessed Be His Name

2011-09-24T20:53:00.000-05:00

In 2003, I miscarried a baby. I was about 8 weeks along. We named her Abigail, even though we only had a gut feeling she was a girl.

Funny, I can't TELL you how many people accidentally call Annabelle by the name Abigail. My heart squeezes every time, but I just smile and gently correct them. Still, it is a reminder of my little one who went to be with Jesus.

Abigail would be turning 8 this month.

After I miscarried, I heard a song on the radio. And I sobbed for about an hour. It quickly became my favorite song, and I couldn't hear it without tears welling in my eyes.

Most of you probably know it. It is the extra little part toward the end that brings me to my knees every time.

"You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be Your name."

The day I heard it, it was a clear message to my heart. God gives us good things and blessings like little babies, but those things can also be taken away just as easily. But no matter what, I am to CHOOSE to bless his name. I may not always feel like it. But I can always put those feelings aside and make a choice to bless Him.

That is what I did with Abigail. And that is what I determined to do with Annabelle.

God reminded me of that this week.


My grandpa holding Annabelle

Thursday was the one year anniversary of my Grandpa's passing. My grandpa was one of the sweetest, most lovable guys you have ever met. He was ready to go see Jesus, so while we are sad for us, we are SO very happy for him. Yet, it is still sad, and I miss him. I would LOVE to walk into my Momma's house and see him scribbling down football plays on his pad of paper (his favorite past time) or have him ask me to find him a wife again (as he did for the past year and a half after Grandma died... my Grandpa was a ladies man, and he did NOT like the idea of being alone.)

Yet on Friday, God gave our family a wonderful gift. The Johnson "boy", baby Liam Ray Johnson, entered into this world! 7lb 15oz, 20.5 inches long! Annabelle and I went and saw him just hours after his birth, and OH MY GOODNESS he is cute! I LOVE BABIES!!!! Huge congrats to my little brother and his wife!

God gives us cute little babies to love and take care of, and takes away Grandpa's to heaven to be with him.

Lord, blessed be YOUR name.

Oh, and I reported on Wednesday on how GREAT Annabelle was doing eating!

And she continued to eat great... until yesterday. She decided food wasn't so grand for some unknown reason. We still feed her... it just isn't NEARLY so easy (i.e. the whole binky trick and dealing with a baby pushing away food...)

He gives and takes away, but I still bless his name!

But at the risk of jinxing it... she has made some GREAT physical therapy improvement this week! She's rolling over MUCH more, and is "willingly" pushing up her hands and neck when on her belly. Before this was a 100% forced position in which she cried the whole time. (note in the picture... it was quickly done tonight to show her new skills thus the blurriness, and yes, her leg IS under the couch... I fixed her right after taking the picture... HA!)

Moral of the story: There will be times when the giving equals out with the taking. And there will be other times where it just feels like God is taking away everything we hold dear. And other times when we sit in awe of all God gives us.

But regardless... choose today to say, "Lord, Blessed be YOUR name."

In other news... I have a name for my book!! I actually had this last week, but wanted to make sure it was final, and thought it be fun to save that fun tid-bit for another blog.

So... Monday, you'll find out what my book will be called! And, I'll tell you a wee bit about it, too.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!

(Cheetah Fest at school on Friday... we had fun... Karalynn went off with her friends, thus no pictures of her! HA!)

VICTORY IN JESUS (and feeding!!!)

2011-09-21T09:49:00.001-05:00

Yeah for Wagon Rides!!!

Jesus has been good this week.

What am I saying? He's good EVERY week.

But I had SO much fun announcing my "first" contract on Monday. THANK YOU everyone for celebrating with me!

And today, I have another, even BETTER, thing to celebrate.

Well, let me back up to Monday a bit. We had our monday clinic visit that day, and also a swallow study to get Annabelle approved to "try" liquids. She passed fabulously! Although, she still was NOT NOT NOT okay with eating, so we barely got said liquid down here!

Clinic was a little scary though. She had lost a POUND since discharge from the hospital the week prior. Big sign of dehydration. She looked pretty dry too. They wanted us to stay around until lab results came in, thinking there was a good possibility we might have to admit her again for IV fluids.

But we came home (Scott was with me, we only had one car, and needed to be home for the kids to get off the bus.)

They called us a few hours later, her labs showed she was dry, but not TOO dry, so no need for admitting! YEAH!!! We adjusted her feeds to add more water, and we have to go back tomorrow for another check.

Monday night, Annabelle and I did our daily "try" to eat routine. Usually this consists of me putting a spoon to her mouth, and her puckering up her lips, turning her head, and pushing it away. She is NOT a fan of "tasting" time as I call it.

Then I had this brilliant idea. It was against what some of the feeding therapists had advised, but she's my daughter and I thought, hey, let's try it.

My daughter LOVES her binky. She opens her mouth easily for her binky. So, I gave her the binky, only right before it plopped into her mouth, I shoved a bite of food in instead.

She swallowed.

I repeated.

She swallowed.

SO I again, repeated.

We did this about 20 times, eating 1/4th of the jar of baby food, the most she has EVER eaten for me by mouth. Usually a few bites is victory.

I was on cloud NINE! I've been praying really hard, begging God to help us with Annabelle's eating. So this was a great victory.

And it got better. The next morning, I tried it with baby rice cereal. And she did fabulous. Ate quite a few bites.

Then at lunch, I tried it without the binky.

And you know what my daughter did??????????????????

SHE OPENED HER MOUTH! FOR THE SPOON!

Feed me Momma!

Yes, that's right, she opened her little baby girl mouth right up, chomped on that spoon, swallowed that food, then opened up again. She even got to lean forward when I was being too slow!!!

She ate the rest of the 3/4 jar of sweet potatoes, and for dinner, ate a WHOLE jar of squash.

I'm just... yeah. I don't even know what to say. Part of me wants to pinch myself... is she really doing this well??

NO more Sweet potatoes!!

Last night, I thought hey, if she is doing this well, what about a sippy cup?

That did not go so grand. But without the "flow" thing on it (meaning it just drips into her mouth without her having to suck) she "drank" several sips of it. I count this as progress!!!

RE: Gtube feeds

She is still gagging some. but our routine seems to be working better. She's still having "blowout" stools which concern me a little, but I think adding rice cereal helped. THANK YOU to all those who suggested the blenderized diet and other things. I'm going to hold off for now, because she's doing MUCH better, and I want to concentrate more on her "oral" feeds than her Gtube feeds, so right now, we are holding tight with gtube feeds!

Other fun things

We roasted hot dogs for dinner outside. This is a normal thing for our family, but what was COOL is that ANNABELLE got to go outside too! Before, we didn't let her because oxygen and fire don't mix, obviously!

So she had fun sitting outside with us, which was SUPER cool!

Daddy and his girls!

She also took her FIRST wagon ride around the neighborhood last week!!! I LOVE this cooler weather so we can take her out more! She wasn't sure what to think about it, but did a GREAT job on her ride!

A family wagon ride! (Well, only Annabelle gets the wagon!)

And I neglected to post this yesterday but...

HAPPY 14 MONTH OLD BIRTHDAY, ANNABELLE!

I can't believe my baby is 14 months old!!!!

Oh, and we're up to 110 votes! THANK YOU for those who voted!!! Voting ends on 10/15:-)

Praying you all have a FABULOUS rest of the week!!!

My big (PUBLISHING) news!

2011-09-19T05:00:00.000-05:00

In 2007, via a miss-guided FedEx package, God nudged me to pick up writing again. (Thanks again, Michael Snyder and Zondervan, for that address mistake!)

In usual Krista fashion, I jumped in with both feet. I wrote late into the night and on my lunch breaks, I joined writer's groups, I went to writer's conferences, I entered contests, I queried agents.

As I announced a few months ago, I finally landed my "dream" agent, the uber cool and wonderful Rachelle Gardner of WordServe Literary.

What I purposely left out in that announcement was "how" I got my agent. Every writer dreams of telling their story about getting "the call." But mine, I had to be vague.

Why, you ask?

Let me back up and tell you the REAL story!

I'd originally queried Rachelle back in Spring of 2009. We'd e-mailed back and forth some, and she'd requested my full manuscript. But then Annabelle was born, and Rachelle was swamped, and neither of us ever followed up.

Fast forward to January 2011. I got an e-mail from an editor of a publishing house (who I knew through a local writer's group I was involved in) and she asked me to call her.

Long story short, she wanted to look at one of my books. I sent her my 2nd completed novel (different than the one I'd sent the agent the year before.)

And in June, just a few days after Annabelle was able to come home from the hospital after her most recent heart surgery, I got a phone call from her offering to publish my book.

I about fell on the floor. Only I was in the car, so that wasn't possible. Instead, I called my husband and screamed really loud.

But what's a writer to do? I'd NEVER imagined getting a publishing contract WITHOUT an agent. I am NO expert in contracts, and I really had my heart set on having an agent to guide me through this crazy career that is publishing.

So I got up the courage to e-mail the only agent I had an outstanding manuscript with, that was now a year and a half old and on a completely separate book. Would she even remember me by now? And what if my e-mail got lost in the bajillions of e-mails she gets everyday?

Before my nerves could convince me otherwise, I sent the e-mail. And waited... and no response. Granted, I didn't wait long, but I knew in my heart that my e-mail was sitting in la-la-very-busy-inbox land.

Now, what had Rachelle said on her blog to do when you have a contract that you haven't signed but want represented by an agent?

Use your networking contacts, that's what! So, I e-mailed my two WONDERFUL writer friends and clients of Rachelle (waiving to Katie and Jody) and asked for advice.

I promptly received squealing e-mails back, offering to e-mail Rachelle for me to help lift my e-mail out of the masses.

Less than an hour later, I was on the phone discussing agent representation with my dream agent!

And now, with the help of my sweet, wonderful, AWESOME agent and my friend and now editor, Ramona Richards, as of Thursday when I signed my book contract and mailed it... I can officially announce...

In fall 2012, my debut novel will be published by Abingdon Press!

Holy Cow. It's weird to type that!

I am so excited I could literally burst. God is SO good. I've prayed for a very long time for HIS will to be done with my writing, while I held on to the little hope that maybe, just maybe, his will would be this.

And God's timing is perfect as well. I look back and smile, because I see God's handprint on each and every date.

And yes, it is a tradition. When you sign your first contract, you take pictures and post with your big news!

My hubby and I got kinda silly. Knowing that I am probably humiliating myself, I am posting them anyway.

By the way, I write humorous inspirational contemporary romance. I try to look the part...

Reading the fine print to make sure I know what I'm getting into!

Taking break from the boring fine print

Overwhelmed by the fine print...

The fine print has officially made me crazy...

Bored by the fine print...

But wait... fine print is why I got an agent! She already read it!

Yeah! Signing my first publishing contract!

Prayer Requests

2011-09-17T19:22:00.002-05:00

A few quick prayer requests this Saturday:

Annabelle

One is just from an overly worried Momma. Annabelle is doing well for the most part. However, her stools are still runny, and while she isn't gagging and vomiting as much (I thickened her feeds with cereal), I have no idea how much water she is actually retaining. She doesn't look NEARLY as bad as she did when we took her in, and she is tolerating feeds, but over all her eyes just aren't as bright and are a little sunken in, and she's super sleepy, and just not my playful, energetic Annabelle.

BUT, her O2 sats are staying well with NO oxygen, even at night now. (She does dip a little, but usually recovers pretty fast.)

Please just pray with me that she "keeps" some of that water (but not too much!) and peps up a bit! I don't think it is bad enough to go back to the hospital, but she is definately not 100%. Dehydration is hard. I can't tell it by a heart rate or a O2 sat. It is a complete judgment call, and not one I like making!

(proof of her sleepyness... she fell asleep at 6:30 while... kinda... eating. Eating consists of Momma trying to put a spoon of sweet potatoes in her mouth and Annabelle batting it away and closing her lips tight and getting it all of her face! twitpic.com/6mhdox)

Scarlet

The next request is for another little baby who is in a situation similar to what Annabelle was just a few short months ago. She's waiting for a heart.

Unfortunately, what I had feared the worst for Annabelle is what this little girl and her parents are going through. A heart hasn't come yet, and her condition is deteriorating quickly. The doctors give her little hope. There are infections warring her precious little body, and she is just not well. Even if a heart came, they aren't sure she is well enough to receive it right now.

My heart just breaks thinking about little Scarlet and her parents.

Yet, I know we serve a mighty God, and with HIM, ALL things are possible. God is the God of hope.

Please join me in praying for this precious little baby, and all the other little babies out there in similar situations. I come across their stories almost everyday, and I don't always share, because there are just SO many. But I felt an urge to share this particular one.

I have news...

2011-09-15T21:06:00.000-05:00

...but I'm not going to tell you what it is. Because, well, suspense is fun sometimes. So I thought I'd just note that I'll be telling my news on my blog on Monday, so stay tuned!

Fun news aside...

It's been a pretty decent day!

The morning started out not-so-cheerworthy though. Annabelle woke up at 4 a.m. We somehow fed her bed for an unknown period of time (medicine port came open again, GRRRR!) And after I changed her formula soaked bed, she pooped with darn near the force of Old Faithful itself, thus messing herself and the bed yet again.

Early morning bath anyone?

And Annabelle HATES baths, so she was none too pleased with this.

Then it was fighting (er, speaking in sweet, motherly tones) to my kids to get them out the door on time.

Oh, and Karalynn coming in and telling me she flushed the toilet only to have it overflow. Yes, I went to the hall bathroom, and it was covered in water. Yellow... water.... if you get my drift.

I threw down blankets, closed the door, and yelled (er, asked politely) for my husband to deal with the problem.

But then... then I found out my aforementioned news.

And forgot about leaky toilets, gtubes, and baby bottoms.

Besides a rough start, Annabelle had a fantastic day! She even had fun playing with sister Lacy's guitar! It was SO SO SO funny! She was plucking those strings with a vengeance. She LOVES playing with things, and when they make fun music, oh my. She was fascinated for hours! She even found that she could take her little linky ring toys and use them for a makeshift pic.

I think we may have another musician in the family:-)

Oh, and it was another completely oxygenless day! AND, I put her to BED without it tonight too. I may have to put it on her later tonight, but she did GREAT last night on only the smallest whiff (like, was satting 98 - 100) and she HATES it when we take it off and put it back on, so I thought I'd give her a shot. So far, she's doing great!

YES Today!

2011-09-14T22:17:00.000-05:00

We're Home!!!!!

This was our SIXTH time coming home from a hospital admission. Added another 4 days to her "# of days in the hospital" to clock a total of 338 days now.

A doctor said about her CDIFF: "I don't think this is her problem, but given her past track record, we want to treat her for it so she doesn't have to be on isolation the next time she is hospitalized."

Mommy's thoughts: At first, I was a little irritated. Let's not "assume" Annabelle will be visiting the hospital again soon! I'm a "think positive" kinda Momma!

"Mom, you're in my way!"

But, I'm also realistic. Annabelle can't get over things like stomach bugs or colds or other issues like most of us do. At least for a while, she'll need a little help. I think I've been a little "anti-hospitalization" for these simple things, but the last four days have knocked it into my little brain that Annabelle is going to be different than my other kids, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I'm being a Momma who brings their kid to the ER with the sniffles. (If this is you, please, I mean no offense. I'm just usually the OPPOSITE of that kinda of Momma!)

It's probably why I waited so long to take her in, cajoled the doctors on the phone to letting us try pedialite a little longer. That won't happen again, I can promise you that! Annabelle does NOT need to suffer due to my stubbornness!

That said, oh my. It is SO SO SO SO SO SO SO nice to have my daughter home!

"There. I'll smile a little if you promise to put the camera down!"

She LOVED seeing her Daddy and sisters again. Since we'd all had a bug, they had stayed away from the hospital and hadn't seen her since Saturday morning. Annabelle was quickly laughing at her big sisters and playing with all her toys. She was give out though and fell asleep early.

And she handled her feeds okay here, so I'm SO thankful for that!

Speaking of feeds, she did NOT handle them okay this morning. Our goal was to go to full-strength of her "new" formula at the hospital this morning. However, she gagged like crazy and still had a HUGE runny stool with it. So, we switched her back to a lower strength of her OLD formula, and she's doing better (not perfect though.)

Where is Annabelle?? In her carseat! HOMEWARD BOUND!

But she's not technically getting enough calories to "grow" so we can't stay like we are for very long. The thought is it will take her belly a few days to get used to digesting food again, and we can work our way back up to full calories and then try again to switch to the other formula in a few weeks.

If that doesn't work, we'll try an elemental non-milk based formula. I am REALLY resisting that though, for a couple of reasons. Mostly, because it isn't "normal."

That might sound REALLY dumb, but my long-term goal is to obviously for her to eat normal, which means that she could drink normal milk. If we have to go "that" far from normal food, it's just much farther we will be from getting back to normal food.

Some might not agree with me in that logic. And if she doesn't handle more "normal" formula soon, I'll agree to go to the completely medical formula.

We're also going to try feeding her some thickened formula via her Gtube to see if she'll take that as well. This is trial and error though, so I'll be "playing" with this to see if it helps any. (Theory being, if it is thicker, it'll stick in her tummy and not reflux, thus causing her gagging.)

Oh, and we did NOT have the swallow study. In the end, we didn't want anything to potentially prevent us from going home today, so we are keeping it scheduled for Monday. BUT! The WONDERFUL speech therapist did get the time changed from 8:30 to 11:30 so we just have to go right before clinic instead of almost 4 hours early! This will help a BUNCH!

Thanks SO SO much for your prayers the last few days! We appreciated them SO very much!

YEAH FOR HOME!!!!

THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

Not today

2011-09-13T11:03:00.000-05:00

In Hospital: Before fluids

Home is a no-go today. Blah.

Annabelle's labs are great.

She LOOKS great.

Yet her, uh, bowel movements, are not so great. And she's gagging again with her formula (and this is the NEW kind.)

SO we are taking her to 1/2 strength again for the day, thinking that her belly isn't 100% yet (which makes sense, since mine still gets a little so-so still too!) We'll go to full-strength tomorrow, and should be able to go home.

In Hospital: AFTER Fluids!

Possible GOOD news though. We were scheduled for another swallow study on this coming Monday to try and see if we could get her approved for "liquids" by mouth to try, since in her last swallow study, she had a paralyzed vocal chord so was only approved for purees. Talked to speech therapy today, and they are going to try and see if we can't do her swallow study in the morning while we are in the hospital anyway, to prevent having to do it outpatient!

Mommy is SO SO SO all for that! If we have to be here, to get something out of the way is better than nothing!

Watching Price is Right with Mom: Priceless!

Another HUGE fun news:

Annabelle is officially "weaned" from "daytime" oxygen. Since the hospital has MUCH better O2 monitors, we were able to tell exactly how FABULOUS Annabelle is doing off her oxygen, so except at night and naptime, she is breathing completely on her own!!! A HUGE HUGE praise!

The Little Things:

At the hospital the other day, after getting multiple texts and phone calls about my sick family and then getting sick myself, I couldn't help but get a irritated.

At whom?

God.

Yes. We've been through SO SO SO much worse this past year, and through it all, I don't think I once really felt "irritated" at God until now.

The feeling didn't last long. I knew I was being stupid. God did not cause this, and while He did allow it, stomach bugs happen. And if I'd made my kids wash their hands more, it probably wouldn't have spread like it did. So really, it wasn't God's fault at all.

But MAN I was just frustrated.

It made me realize though, how many times I do that. I trust God with the BIG things, but the little things is where I get tripped up. Four days in the hospital for diarrhea is NOTHING compared to the other 334 days she was in the hospital for severe heart issues.

I know I'm 2 days late with the 9/11 analogy, but it reminds me of our nation after that horrible, awful day. It took something that huge to make a lot people flock to churches and get on their knees. It didn't last though for most. All the "lesser" things invaded and as a nation, I think we're almost MORE unGodly now than we were before.

And that absolutely breaks my heart.

I'm not one of those people who declare that God "brought his wrath upon our nation" with such an event. Really, a bunch of radical extremists brought THEIR wrath on our nation. I do think, however, God used something horrible to draw his children to him.

There is much more I could say, but I'll end with this.

Let God be your God in the big things and little things. Don't only go to him when something horrible happens. He wants to be your peace, strength, and cornerstone in every single part of your life.

Happy Birthday:

A special Happy 1st Birthday to sweet Baby James in heaven today. YOU, sweet little love, were a BIG thing in my life last year, as was your momma. You are forever missed, and today, we remember you, the strong fight you fought, and your amazing life you lived, even though it was much shorter than any of us ever imagined. Your life and home-going taught me SO SO much, as did your sweet Momma and wonderful Daddy.

Please keep Tosha and Todd, James' parents, as well as his older sister and brother, in your prayers today.

(Note, the above is in red, as Tosha asked for people to wear red today in memory of James' and to raise awareness about congenital heart defects. I think this is a FAB idea, but because I'm at the hospital with a limited wardrobe, am not able to comply. So, the red is for baby James, and to remind us all that there is SO SO SO much work to be done in this fight against this awful condition!)

Quick update

2011-09-12T18:37:00.001-05:00

Was hoping to come home today, but it was not to be.

Annabelle is looking MUCH MUCH better. But she is still having some watery stool, so is still on IV cellcept (one of her anti-rejection meds) to make sure she gets it.

Drs put my fears to ease re: her missing her rejection meds over the weekend... they said that since she was so dehydrated, it probably made the levels in her blood TOO high, vs. too low.

We started feeding her "normal" feeds today slowly though, so as long as she's tolerating them well and can switch from IV to Gtube on her cellcept, she should go home tomorrow.

I'm at home with my kids at the moment. Scott had to work tonight. I'll go back after he gets home late tonight. Everyone is feeling MUCH better today. Just tired and gaining energy back. Slowly testing our stomachs by eating a little. I suspect we should all be back to normal by tomorrow.

We also found out yesterday that Annabelle tested positive for CDIFF. Long explaination, but it is a bacteria that lives in pretty much ALL of our digestive system, however when it becomes colonized or affects the colin/intestines, you have big issues. Usually this happens when you are on antibiotics and/or are in the hospital.

At first, we feared the CDIFF is what was causing Annabelle's issues. However, we now believe it is just the same stomach virus we all have. But because she did test positive, we are starting her on a different antibiotic just in case. This is just as a precaution though, as it didn't "smell" like CDIFF. (CDIFF evidently has a horrendous smell, much worse than, uh, normal stool.)

THANK YOU again for praying for us, and I apologize for all the yucky updates lately.

I promise, I'll have a really GOOD update tomorrow (as long as Annabelle cooperates!!!!) WITH a few pretty cute pictures:-)

An even MORE yucky night

2011-09-11T16:24:00.003-05:00

I thought Friday night was bad.

Saturday night was 10 times worse.

We finally took Annabelle to the hospital around noon on Saturday. She was looking REALLY dehydrated, was lethargic, and I could tell she wouldn't get better with just pedialite at home.

So, I dropped my Gabby off at a b-day part she was supposed to go to while Scott got Annabelle ready, then headed for the hospital. My two eldest daughters headed to a friend's house (My eldest was going there anyway for a sleepover that night)

Called my mom, she came over to get Lacy from Karalynn's friend's house, then to pick up Gabby from the birthday party at a gymnastics place, and the plan was for them to go home with her and spend the night, since Scott had to work until 10 pm.

And that is where all, uh, crap, broke loose. Quite literally.

Got a call from the birthday party mom. Gabby had thrown up while bouncing.

Grandma picked her up a few minutes early.

An hour later, Lacy threw up.

A little while later, my mom became ill.

I called my daughter who was at the sleepover to see how she was feeling. She rolled her eyes and said she was fine, didn't feel even a little sick. I hoped.

All the while, I'm with Annabelle at the hospital, trying to make her feel better, watching them try unsuccessfully to get an IV in (not easy on Annabelle anyway, REALLY not easy when she is dehydrated... they finally got it on the 5th try.) And my stomach started swirling. But I also had a migraine, and that always makes my stomach hurt too, so I blamed it on that.

We finally got put in a room, and the raging crud hit me with full force around 8 - 9. At the same time, I got a text from my husband that he was getting sick to.

Around midnight, Scott got a call from Karalynn. She'd woken up vomiting. In between his trips to the bathroom (sorry for the TMI), he went and picked her up.

So last night, we were all one sorry lot.

I hereby apologize to all those who we might have gotten sick. While I hoped Annabelle only had a bug, I truly had no clue this was coming. In fact, when we got to the hospital, I told them, "Everyone else is fine! No one sick..." which made us all worry that her condition was something worse.

I'm home right now. Finally came here when I could muster enough strength to leave the hospital. (thank you to the sweet care partner and nurse who brought me water and crackers!) Will go back late tonight, after I get ungermy clothes on and shower.

We are all on the mend. Everyone is just weak and tired from this yucky 24 hour stomach bug. Slowly eating crackers and drinking Sprite. My dear, sweet sister is bringing us a few things from the store (I told her she could drop them off on the porch and run the other way!) so we don't take our germs anywhere else tonight.

No one has thrown up since the middle of the night, so I count that a blessing.

That said, I have one VERY stinky house from all the sick people, and we hope to be able to bring Annabelle home late in the day tomorrow, so I'll also be trying to clean up and wash sheets and degerm while I'm home. Not an easy task, considering it takes all my energy to just get off the couch.

So yes, this is the Phillips' family sob story of the day. While it stinks (literally) part of me is glad that we got it over in one day. Sometimes, it hits one person, then another person the next day, and so on, so we have a week of illness in our house.

At least we are getting over it in a day.

Don't tell me I can't find a silver lining in crappy situations!

Thanks for everyone's prayers, we really appreciate it.

A big prayer request, besides our health:

Since Annabelle was so sick for a day, I fear that she didn't get her anti-rejection meds. Yes, I gave them to her, but I'm fairly sure they all went directly through her without taking much affect, as did everything else she got.

Missing even one dose of her anti-rejection meds could cause her body to get mad and reject. And sometimes, that doesn't show up for weeks after the fact.

So I will be watching her REALLY closely, and praying VERY hard, that everything goes well and that we don't have to worry about it. Right now, as a precaution, they are giving her a med through her IV so we don't have to worry about if she is absorbing them or not.

Again, thank you for your prayers.

A yuck night

2011-09-10T08:24:00.001-05:00

*wiping sleep from my eyes*

So, I was HOPING to post this EXTREMELY positive post today about how AMAZING Annabelle did yesterday off oxygen.

And really, she did pretty great. We went until around 6:30 - 7 with NO oxygen cannula at ALL. Momma was SO proud of her! But in the afternoon, she started to get a little fussy. Her SATS were great though, so I wasn't too worried. Just normal gagging/ vomiting Annabelle. (Still haven't gotten that new formula, long story.)

But this gagging was a bit different. It was about an hour AFTER her feeds were done, which is unusual. And then she had it a few times in a row, about 15 minutes apart, and was vomiting up milk and moucus. (nasty, I know.) So Momma was really concerned. But she still seemed fairly happy.

By 6 though, she was not so happy. It was time for her to eat, so instead of giving her milk, as normal, I made a Mommy decision and fed her pedialite instead of her milk. She'd been gagging so much, I just didn't think her poor baby stomach would be able to handle it, and I did NOT want to get dehydrated again.

Around 7, I put her back on a low amount of oxygen. Her color just didn't look good, even though her SATs were staying steady around 90 - 91.

Then the poop started. It started with just a massive blowout. But then a little while later, I noticed she was wet. But this wasn't normal wet. This was soak through the back of the diaper onto the floor wet. I won't go into description of this poop for you, but it was NOT normal.

Called the doctor. They suggested pedialite for her 10PM feed, then try milk for her 2AM feed and see how she handles it. We'd reconvene if I got worried more or in the morning, whichever was earlier.

We put her to bed, and she tossed and turned, which is NOT like Annabelle. A few minutes later, her blankets were covered with the same gross mucusy wetness.

And thus proceeded the next MANY hours about every 10 to 20 minutes. She tossed and turned almost the WHOLE night.

I finally fell asleep sometime in the wee hours of the morning, after her 2a.m. feed finished.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 to a daughter swimming in, well, a watery smelly substance ALL over her crib.

She is not a pleased camper this morning. I can tell her poor baby belly hurts. She's having her 6 a.m. feeds late as I type, and I wanted to see how she handled them before I called the doctor back.

My biggest concern, is that I think she is dehydrated. Her poor baby eyes are darker and sunken in a little. (Could also be because she got little sleep last night, she tossed and turned 90% of the time!) She is just missing her normal morning exuberance that is Annabelle. Usually she is bright and happy and wiggly and smiling. Today, she just wants to lay down and frown and plays half-heartedly with her toys.

I'm praying this is a stomach bug, to be honest. We can handle that. I can even handle a reaction to her formula (although she got pedialite 2 feeds in a row and it didn't help a lick, so I don't think that is it.) I just... *sigh* I want my happy baby back!

I really think she's gonna be okay. I think between the yucky poop and the vomiting yesterday, she just got low on fluid and is feeling crummy.

And so far, she seems to be handling this feed half-way decent, no vomiting, only one brief gag.

Sorry for the gross update today.

If you could just keep Miss not-feelin'-stellar Annabelle in your prayers, we'd appreciate it!

Exciting Oxygen News!!

2011-09-09T09:14:00.002-05:00

We had the oxygen supply company come out the other day to look at our pulsox machine. It worked fine while they were here, OF COURSE.

But I was confident enough that she was doing BETTER than what the machine said (given our SAT's at the Dr office of 97 while the machine said 91) that we let her go for a little trial off oxygen yesterday.

My plan was just to do an hour, but she was doing SO GREAT, we kept her off for over FIVE HOURS!

I put it back on not long before bed time.

So this morning, I turned it back off. So far, she is satting between 92 and 95, which is just fine for her!

Can we make it a whole day without oxygen??? Check back in tomorrow to see results!

(oh, and THANKS yesterday for those who voted! We're up to 98! WOOHOO!)

In other fun news, it is BIRTHDAY month for a few of my favorite heart babies! (Okay, I'll be honest, heart babies are near and dear to my heart so they are ALL my favorite, but these three I actually know when their birthday's are!!)

Anna Reese turned one YESTERDAY! Happy Belated Birthday sweet little princess love!! She is at home doing FABULOUS, and her momma even let me know that she started to COO yesterday, something Anna Reese has never done since she's had her paralyzed vocal chord! A voice coming back on her birthday... now I think that is a FANTASTIC present! (the above picture was in July,when Annabelle and Anna Reese were next door in the ICU together. Annabelle was getting ready to go upstairs, and Anna Reese was close to going home. They loved being next door to each other and saying hi!!! I made the pic a little bigger, as their facial expressions were HILARIOUS!)

Baby Bowen is turning one TODAY! Happy sweet birthday little man!! You've done an AMAZING job and are such a little heart warrior for Jesus!

And Baby James. Baby James was Anna Reese and Annabelle's heart friend at Vanderbilt. The three of them (or should I say, us three momma's) were really close and leaned a LOT on each other during those super hard months of fighting for the lives of our babies. Baby James was born on September 13, 2010, and went into the arms of Jesus in December, just shy of his 3 month birthday. But I celebrate the LIFE he DID live this month, celebrate his memory.

And then I'm reminded this month, of a little baby girl (Scarlet) in California, waiting for a heart like Annabelle did, however her time of waiting is dwindling, and without a new heart (or a miracle of God, which I NEVER discount!) she won't make it much longer. Please pray that God's hand would be on this family, that His will WILL be done, and for possible donor families. We don't pray that another life be taken. However, we do pray if a potential family does come available, that they could make a very difficult choice to give life out of their suffering and loss. It is so very hard, but God knows. He really does.

Love to you all!!!

Yeah for Pee and Boo for SOC

2011-09-07T19:29:00.000-05:00

On Monday, Annabelle gave Momma a scare.

She decided to "hold it" and not pee.

I went to change her diaper in the middle of the night Sunday, and it was dry. Not usual for Annabelle. In the morning, still dry. Before nap, STILL dry.

Now, let me explain. It is very important to make sure Annabelle has sufficient urine output. (my attempt at sounding professional about the TMI subject...) If she is not peeing it usually means a.) she is retaining fluid or b.) she is dehydrated.

And retaining fluid could point to congestive heart failure which could point to rejection. And dehydration is yucky in its own way.

For the most part, Annabelle was acting normal. I did have to go up on her oxygen a little, and she'd been gagging even more than normal on her feeds, so everything together made this Momma VERY nervous.

We'd gone to the ER on Memorial day. I really did NOT want a holiday repeat!

Talked to the doctor, we tried a few things including giving her pedialite, and she finally peed a little, and then she started to perk up and be REALLY happy (was even laughing for Grandma Phillips) so we all felt okay staying put.

The next day, she was peeing like a champ again. So the thinking is that my normally fluid overloaded little girl was actually dehydrated for once!

Went to clinic yesterday. Her labs were wonderful!!! And the echo and EKG looked "is looking better every time" to quote the doctor.

Those words are better than all the chocolate in the world!!!

I was also relieved to see her O2 SAT. It was 97% on 1/8th of a liter of oxygen. When I plugged our O2 sensor in from home (I'd taken it to clinic so I could compare), it read 91.

So I'm pretty confident that for some reason, it is reading a little low, so I am feeling better about continuing our oxygen wean too. (See picture of her after a bath... we were changing out her cannula so took the moment for a no-oxygen photo-op... won't it be nice to have these kind of pictures ALL THE TIME!?!?!)

Our biggest hurdle right now is still FOOD. Both by mouth and Gtube. She's still gagging and throwing up at about 50% of her feedings, if not more. She only vomits a little bit because of her Nissen (the surgery she had to prevent her from throwing up/having reflux) but it is still frustrating, and it scares her every time.

We were scheduled to try new formula, but it never came. Come to find out, our medical supplier was refusing to supply us this new kind because of cost. So the insurance people found us another supplier, and we should have it tomorrow. PLEASE pray this gives my little girl some relief! If it does, we will be able to get her on a much more normal feeding schedule (no night-time feeds.) And that will be good for ALL involved, including Momma who would LOVE a whole nights sleep!

*** Other stuff ***

It's turning cold. Well, colder. I am SO SO SO thankful for the relief from the heat (as will be my poor electric bill!) However, the September weather means we are nearing the time for....

I really do hate the switching of the clothes (aka SOC). It wasn't so bad when I just had Karalynn. And I could handle it when Lacy came along. But it began to be a real chore once Gabby showed up. And now that there are four of them?

Oh my. I go out to the garage and see the billion tubs of old clothes and I scratch my head and scrunch up my nose and think, "Wow, I wish I were rich... it would be SO much funner to go shopping instead of lugging these stupid things inside!" Although, I then remind myself of my uber cheap nature. Even if we were filthy rich, I'd still be hauling out the hand-me-downs. Might have my maid do the sorting though, HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Hand-me-downs are so nice, don't get me wrong. And they save a TON of money. But going through, one by one, and inspecting them for holes/stains/size is a pain the bootwa. Even more so now that my children are getting to the age of being VERY picky about their clothes. That, and given waist differences, height differences, etc. not all the hand-me-downs fit the next child. But... they might fit the one after that, so back in a bin they go.

My head is whirling just thinking about it!!!

And then there is the "putting away" of the summer clothes. Every year, I swear I will be organized. I will go through and sort out "unwearable" clothes. I will sort by size per bin. Yet, every year, when I get to that point, I'm so utterly tired of the whole flippin' process I end up shoving it all into the stupid bins and yelling at my husband to get the idiot things back to the garage so I don't have to see them again.

I've decided though, given the cooler weather (and the fact that my kids wore shorts to school the other day when it barely hit 60, of which I am very ashamed) I have designated tomorrow as the switching of the clothes day. Not sure it will all get done in one day. Which means my house will be a disaster for at LEAST the next two days.

A bright light this year though:

I can do this on a weekday. In years past, this dreaded chore was relegated to a whole Saturday (and quite possibly into Sunday) since I worked during the day. Which means I had kids there to want to destroy everything (er, I mean, help me...) This year, I fully plan on doing this while they are safely in school!!

Final Note for the day: We're up to 86 votes in the "Best Blog Awards" by parents.com!!! Only 20 away from tying the #1 spot! You all ROCK! I'd bribe you to vote... but then, well, then I'd seem more desperate than competitive. HA HA HA! If you haven't voted and want to, here is the link. Your prize for voting is the knowledge that you made me smile a little when I checked it and saw the # inch a little higher, how about that!

Question(s) of the day: What is your FAVORITE thing about fall? And what is your LEAST favorite thing? Or, what household task do YOU dread the most? Anyone else a SOC hater too???

Super Saturday Savings-- and Mashed Potato Faces!

2011-09-03T10:14:00.000-05:00

*Annabelle update*

She's doing fabulous! I tried to feed her mashed potatoes last night. (see picture.) She actually did okay! And she was trying to play with them just a little too, which she has NOT liked to do in the past. (Our feeding therapist recommended letting her get her hands in it, then maybe she would put her finger in her own mouth to taste, to help her get used to food.)

We go back to clinic on Tuesday, praying for another great report! We never did get our new formula (and for shame on Momma, I forgot to call them yesterday! Gr! Will do on Tuesday...)

Hope everyone has a FANTASTIC weekend!!!!!
Super Saturday Savings

One thing I didn't get to do last year in the fall, since Annabelle was in the hospital, was GARAGE SALE. Consequently, I spent WAY too much money on clothes for her (and yes, I was determined that even hospital bound, she was clothed well, as somehow this made me feel a little better... it was something so *normal* in the midst of a lot of unnormal crud.)

So THIS year... when I am able to (aka when Scott doesn't work saturday morning) I am rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and hitting the garages!

Because I am one very cheep (I guess money-savy is a better term) Momma!

And given my unemployed status, saving money is even MORE important than ever. And clothes for 4 girls gets EXPENSIVE.

I know, hand-me-downs. But there is over 4 years between Gabby and Annabelle. I'd gotten rid of most of the girl baby clothes a while ago. Next year, I'll have a little more hand-me-downs for her, but to be honest, most of them have gone through 3 children already, so are getting a little rugged.

Today, I spent a total of $25.00

And this is what I got:

5 shirts (4 were baby gap and 1 was children's place)
5 jeans (all baby gap)
2 capris (for Karalynn, hoping she'll wear them!)
5 pairs of winter jammies for Annabelle
3 pairs of shoes (1 striderite, 1 sparkly Keds, and 1 pair for dress shoes for Lacy)
4 pairs of tights
2 pairs of socks
3 stretchy headbands
1 pair of pants
4 outfits (gymboree and baby gap)
1 sweatsuit outfit (baby gap)
2 jackets
1 dress outfit (baby gap)
1 hat with matching gloves
1 book (FOR ME!)

And pretty much everything was in LIKE NEW to excellent condition, too!

Now, some Saturday's I go out and come back with nothing. But this happened to be a really GOOD saturday, as there were quiet a few places selling stuff in Annabelle's size. The sizes ranged from 12-18 months (she's in now) to 18-24 months (I anticipate her being in the later part of the winter.)

So, anyway, that was my morning! That, and my daughter, m-i-l and I went on a walk before hand, too. *yawn* Now, I could use a nap!

Am I the only crazy garage saler out there??

Baby Steps

2011-09-01T20:32:00.001-05:00

Firsts this week:

First trip to Applebees (Thanks, Susie, for the giftcard!)
First trip to Krogers (and Mommy's first attempt at using more than one coupon... saved $20, woohoo!)
First time in her new BIG girl carseat! She did FABULOUS and LOVED it! However, since we ditched the infant carseat, we had to take out the shopping cart cover for Kroger. Wasn't sure how she would do, but she did AMAZING!
Trial off oxygen! Annabelle's fault... she decided to take it off her nose and try to chew on it. We gave her an hour off oxygen though, and she did FABULOUS.

Tuesday was slightly annoying. Med company delivered our medications and missed one. Since I ordered over the phone, fault was he said/she said, so I didn't go there, although I KNOW I ordered it! And unfortunately, it is a drug that I can only get in Nashville since it is compounded. To top it off, I had ordered a day or two later than I should have, so the delivery was down to the wire. I would need the new med bottle for that nights meds, and it was a VERY important one we couldn't skip.

So, on a day I thought I blissfully could stay close to home, I drove all the way to Nashville. I was not pleased. Lesson Learned: Order Meds early!

We haven't gotten out delivery of new formula yet. Will call to check status tomorrow. But, we did increase her Prevecid from 1/2 of a tablet to 1 tablet. She threw up one time yesterday, but not at all today. I'm hoping that the medicine is making a difference and that she STAYS not throwing up!

She made me a little nervous tonight, though. She was fussier than normal, and her heart rate was elevated higher than normal. However, she didn't get a great nap today (she fell asleep on the way home from PT and wouldn't go back to sleep after that) so I think she was just super sleepy, because she is still satting fine and she fell asleep the moment I put her down. Keeping an extra close eye on her though!

Other Daughter Issues

I don't talk about my other daughters a lot here. Mostly because at least one of them is old enough to visit my blog when she wants, HA!

But now that we settling back into home life and trying to get a routine, it's.... difficult sometimes, to say the least! Last year, they had routines with their Grandma. The year before that, I was pregnant the whole year (thus a tired bear of a Momma) and all years prior to that, I was still a working Momma, so they had routines with their Daddy.

So Mommy is implementing new routines. We have a bedtime we stick to. And chores they are made to do nightly. And homework that is made to be done. If I hear the words, "That's not fair!" one more time, I might pull my hair out and scream. Because that is ALL I have heard this past month!

It is a learning curve for us all. We'll get there. And I remind myself too, this all is normal. They are struggles every parent faces. And I have good girls... most days:-) One daughter complained the other day of a teacher saying the words "shut-up." She says, "Momma, some kids have parents who teach them that it is a bad word. <<>> shouldn't be saying that! It will make those kids feel uncomfortable!"

Now, said teacher probably shouldn't have said that, I agree. But if only things like saying shut-up stayed one of the worst things that could be said/done, I would be THRILLED.

Prayer Requests

Weaning Oxygen: We've going slow. She's doing well most times. She's on 1/8 at night and nap then 1/16 during the day. She keeps dipping sometimes, which concerns me, but she comes right back up in seconds. I can't figure out, though, if she is really dipping, or of the pulse-ox just doesn't pick up well.

Feeding: Annabelle still has no joy over the thought of food in her mouth. This is a big hurdle, and one I have a hard time with. My nature is to "make her" because I'm mom and I'm the boss, dad gum it. But, I know this is different. I need to be patient and help her to learn to LIKE eating. It just isn't an easy task!

No Puking: While she's doing better, this is still a major concern of mine.

Job: Scott still needs a job. He is SO much better at the waiting thing than I. While I am frantic and hyperventilating, he is calm. While this is VERY irritating to me (because as most women will understand, the calm comes off as not-caring, to which most men will say, huh?) I am woman enough to admit that he's probably the one handling it in a more Godly way. He says to me the other day, "Do you want me flipping out and panicking like you? Would that be better?" Is it horrible that I said yes??? Yes, it probably is. At least I was honest!

Writing: That God's will be done with it. That I find time to work on it. And that I write the RIGHT story!

A few fun things

2011-08-29T22:15:00.000-05:00

Busy, wonderful times!!!!

I LOVE THIS WEEK!!!

We only have ONE clinic visit... and ONE pt appointment. And the rest of the week is FREE for me to be at HOME and get things DONE.

I am beyond thrilled! I might actually try a *gasp* SCHEDULE!

Clinic visit was today. It went well, labs that I can see online look fabulous! Annabelle is still throwing up frequently though, so we are going to try and change her formula. We want to change to a "big girl" formula anyway, so we are going to have one that digests a little easier though. Will be a few days before we get the new formula though. PLEASE pray this works and offers Annabelle some relief! She is always super uncomfortable during feeds, and I can just see the misery on her poor baby face!

We also had Annabelle's one-year pictures taken today (only a month late!) THANKS, Kelly (my cousin-in-law) for taking them! You rock!

I don't have them all back yet, but she posted two on Facebook today, so thought I'd share them here! WIll share more of my favorites when I get them all back! Later this fall I hope to get family pictures taken... but this Momma has to shed a few pounds before a camera is allowed to aim at her! Slimfast, where for art thou?

Oh, and we are up to 70 votes on the parents.com nomination! Not that competitive me checks it or keeps track or ANYTHING like that... HA HA! THANK YOU all who voted, you rock:-) And if you didn't vote, well, you rock too! I promise!!!!

I just realized this week, that next monday is Labor Day. It's odd. Usually I would be ticking off the days. Not only because it is a "day off work" but because in my job, a day off meant big schedule changes so I was intimately aware of this well in advance.

So it was weird that a holiday snuck up on me! My in-laws are coming in this weekend, so we are all very excited to see them again!

Anyone else have fun labor day plans? We'll probably grill out, one of my FAV to do. (and for those of you planning on reminding me of my weight loss goal... hush. Well, actually, thank you, but still. Hush! *grin*)

OH! Another plan for this week. Annabelle got a wagon for her birthday... and we've yet to try it out! It's just been TOO hot. SO sometime this week, in the evening, we plan to get that thing out and take Annabelle on her FIRST WALK!

Pictures will obviously be proudly posted!