Tuesday, November 4, 2014

If Annabelle Had Never Been Born.....


A week or so ago, I followed one of those stupid news links that show up on my Facebook news feed...

It was about a mom of a man with Down Syndrome who said she wishes now, even though her son is in his 40's, that she could have aborted him before he was born, because life would have been so much easier.

After my initial frown and anger, it got me thinking.

What would MY life be like had Annabelle never been born?

Here's what I came up with-- not an all inclusive list by any means:

I would still be working full-time, making a nice, healthy salary.

My savings account would be full, my retirement account would be healthy and growing daily, and I'd have some money set aside for my 3 kiddos college.

I'd have made my hubby take me somewhere cool like Hawaii for our 15th anniversary instead of a few hours away to the mountains.

My 3 oldest kiddos would have a lot more extra curricular activities that, due to Annabelle's special needs, were severely limited.

I'd probably be about 50 pounds lighter. (I'm a stress eater..... like... a lot...)

We'd probably live in a different, bigger house.

My blood pressure would be much closer to normal than it currently is.

I'd have never had to watch my child have CPR, would never have had to see my child's heart beating through her opened chest.

But....

I'd also would have never gotten the chance to be a part of a community of heart parents who have become so dear and precious to me.

I'd not be able to follow the stories and pray for so many different children who are battling.

While I might have had a bigger home, I wouldn't have understood the true value that is HOME.


I would have no concept of what it feels like to trust God completely with the life of my child.

I'd be a much weaker person--as the last 4 and a half years have only made me stronger.

I'd still take for granted things like being able to breathe with ease.

I would have never met dozens and dozens of doctors and nurses that work everyday to impact the lives of our littlest treasures.

I wouldn't know the value of becoming involved in the medical care of my children.

And oh my goodness.

I would have missed out on hundreds of little girl smiles and giggles. Of listening to her singing to me, 'Rise and shine and give God the gory, gory" (and yes, she said glory as gory--- at the top of her lungs--- it is awesome!)

I'd have missed out on giving and receiving Annabelle kisses and snuggles. Of drying her tears and of having the humbling experience of begging God to let me spend even one more day with her.

Every tear, every sacrifice, every fear, every trial---

It was worth it.

It IS worth it.

I'd do it over again in a heart beat.

Because she's my child. My daughter. My gift from God.

Even if God had only blessed me with ONE day with her to be able to love on her... it'd be worth it.

11 comments:

Ashley said...

I'm so thankful for a world with Annabelle in it!

Robin Mason said...

Oh Krista, your post brought tears to my eyes. Your Annabelle is so beautiful and so priceless. Thank you for sharing! <3

Christina Tarabochia said...

Misty eyed! I almost liked the post on FB before even reading this because I know your heart and would it would say before I had to see a word. <3

Marci Smith said...

Tears streaming down my face. My oldest had two heart surgeries when he was younger. (He is 18). Yes, there were fears piled on fears. But I learned true love for people and from my Father. God's protection and love carried us through it all. I learned that no matter what is happening, God is good and faithful. Oh how my heart breaks that that mama doesn't know what it feels like to truly love and be loved. Yes, children can be born broken. We don't throw them away. We love them even in their brokenness, just as Jesus does us. It is that love that heals hearts and gives us a view of God.

Krista Phillips said...

ME TOO!!!!

Krista Phillips said...

Thank you Robin!!

Krista Phillips said...

LOL, you know me too well:-) I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my girls:-)

Krista Phillips said...

"We love them even in their brokenness"

Yes, Yes, yes!!

And isn't that just what God does to all of us? He's sees OUR brokenness and loves us anyway!

nicole fowler said...

Yep I feel the same for my Princess as you feel for yours

Beverley said...

But we wouldn't have 'met' :(

Thank you Krista.

Wodzisz Family said...

In total agreement!!! I can't imagine a world without my Hope and I am thankful to God for allowing me to continue being her mommy.