It's been a long week :-(
I won't bore you with the details, but between hurting for friends who lost precious loved ones way too soon and and dealing with Annabelle who has C Diff (a bacterial infection in her colon).
Annabelle is fine. She's happy and active. She just has very loose bloody stool. And C Diff is VERY HARD to kill. She's on an antibiotic for it, but we do not know now long this will last. She, herself, is not contageous... but her poop is. So we are being VERY careful with cleaning. Only bleach kills it. LOTS of hand washing going on in our house and I've bleached everything that is safe to bleach... and a few things that aren't.
While we don't have to quarantine for this, just have to make sure we clean a lot (and actually, that she is in diapers helps a LOT with containing it) she can't go to school until her stool has "form" again. While it's getting better, it's not there yet.
It's the not knowing how long we are going to have to deal with this that is frustrating. And if this antibiotic doesn't work, I'm not sure what the next course is. I know there are IV meds that can be given, but Mommy does NOT LIKE the thought of that.
The silliest thing though...
While I've been in a kinda cruddy mood most of the week with everything going on... I didn't break down until today.
Today is the fall party in Annabelle's class at school. It's their first "party" of the year, and I'd signed up to bring something and to come early to help set up.
With all my other kids, I've always worked full-time out of the house, so was never able to participate or help with parties. And the last few years we've had Annabelle, and so that hasn't been a possibility either because I couldn't bring her with me in most cases.
So this was one of the first parties I was going to actually be able to HELP with. I could be her MOMMA and go and do normal Momma things with her. Is it stupid to tell you that I was OVER the moon excited about this?
It probably is.
so this morning, I packed annabelle up, drove to the school, and dropped off the plates we'd signed up to bring. Then turned around, and drove back home, crying the whole entire way. This isn't just a tricle of tears folks. This is some almost blinding sobs. It was bad.
This momma had tried to be tough all week, tried to rise above circumstances and not let it total derail me like it has in the past.
But this silly little act of having to drop off plates and leave.. not being able to take my sweet girl to her party and see her have fun with her friends... just to totally wrecked my world.
Honestly, no clue the lesson in this. On one hand, I'm frustrated with myself for being such a ninny. There will be other parties. Other opportunities.
On the other hand, I also see progress in myself. A year ago, I would have been at the depths of despair at the first sign of trouble early this week. So I handled "well" much longer than I usually do. So progress is good, eh?
These stupid disappointments are a part of life. They will happen and there isn't a thing we can do about them. Maybe the key isn't to "handle" it well from the get go, but to learn to let ourselves have our moment of disappointment, then pick back up and keep going.
It's the dwelling in it... letting it wreck our entire world and shape how we treat others that we--I-- need to work on.
Discussion: Have you had any resent disappointments? How do you handle them? Are you a "lemon" from lemonade kinda person? I'd love to hear some good silver lining stories!!