As a kid, the word "no" is dreaded.
Can I have ice cream?
Can I spend the night at my friend's house?
Can I get my lip pierced?
NO! (I'll even add a heck no to that one...)
And when we're praying... "no" answers from God are equally if not more-so annoying, especially since many times they are miscontrued as not an answer.
Well, hubby and I have been doing a lot of praying lately, specifically for some "no" answers.
I've come to appreciate that two letter word. "No" is an answer. It is a release to look elsewhere, it's a defined confirmation that I'm NOT supposed to go down a certain path. And I'm adamant of not wanting to go down a path that God knows isn't best.
When I don't get a no... I'm left to squirm. Is a lack of no from God mean yes? Is it the dreaded maybe????
THAT is the answer from God that I cringe at. The MAYBE. I always second guess myself... is God really saying yes and I'm just to dumb to tell? Is my own voice getting in the way of hearing God's?
And considering these thoughts are scrambling through my brain in rapid fire succession... the answer to the last question is probably a resounding YES.
So this last weekend, I hit a wall. I was fretting about a lot of things, one big thing being our upcoming vehicle purchase. It is ONLY upcoming because God hasn't said, "YES" yet, not for lack of me looking!!
I realized that while I had prayed about it, and my heart truly wants to wait on God and his timing... I hadn't "really" prayed. Like, had a long conversation with God about it... it's been more like Krista saying, "Show me which one, THANKS God."
So... God and I had a chat. I let him know that I was getting frustrated and impatient, and that I had NO clue what was ME and what was Him, and that He needed to be pretty please VERY clear about his answers because I was about ready to go completely crazy if he didn't.
God said, fine. I will.
Shortly after, I found a van on craigslist that I liked. It was a little more than our pricerange, but I decided to believe that God knew what we needed, and if he wanted us to have it, he'd provide.
An hour before we were go go look at it.... they texted me and told me that they'd decided not to sell afterall.
And God smiled, mouthing the words, "No."
And Krista smiled, because it just mean that God had something different/better/perfect for us.
Then another van that I'd previously dismissed because of price... but was a REALLY good deal... I contacted them because they'd reposted the day before. Sign from God, perhaps???
They immediately sent me back a message, letting me know it had sold.
And God smiled, and shook his head "No."
THEN!!!!! This AMAZING van for EXACTLY our price range showed up... It had low miles, was SUPER nice looking, and had all the things we "need" and even a few of our wants. Giddy, I sent them a message. They said it was still available. Ohhhhhhh, this was TOTALLY going to be a God thing. This thing was like 4 grand under KBB, people!!!! Part of me wondered.... too good to be true?? But our God works in mysterious ways, AMEN!?
The next morning, they day we were going to go look at it and maybe buy it, I got another message from them. They'd sold it late the night before.
And God tried not to laugh at my astonished look, and said, "No, Krista. Not that one either. But don't give up. I plans AND the vehicle I have for you guys. It'll be my way, or no way. Okay?"
And I nodded. Truly at peace with his NO answer. Because if there is one thing I desire more than anything, is to walk in GOD'S truth and HIS path for my life. Even though I don't always understand it.
And in the mean time, Scott and I have been praying about a totally separate (private) issue lately, and God's SUPER confirmed this last weekend that we need to step out in faith. He's reminding me that sometimes we need to "wait on him" in expectant faith... and other times he calls us to step out of the boat and make scary decisions and trust him with it.
Determining that this week will be a "trust Jesus" kind of week in the Phillips' house, and that God will come along side us and lead us every step!