Monday, March 26, 2012

Taking (mostly) a break

Have you ever gotten to the point where you are so completely overwhelmed that you want to curl up into a ball and cover your head with a blanket and pretend the whole entire outside world is non-existent?

ME ME ME ME ME!

I'm to that point this weekend.

Really, I've been there pretty much since Annabelle came home from the hospital this last time (and off and on before that...) Every time I feel like I'm beginning to get a handle on our new realty it starts slipping again.

I'm yelling at my kids WAY too much.

I've had zero patience with anyone.

My house is a mess pretty much ALL the time.

I glare at my husband and get irritated at him over things that are stupid.

And I eat. A lot. Of chocolate. And anything else that is comfort food.

So this week, I'm taking a step back and clearing my plate of all "extra" stuff (aka blogging, obsessive checking of e-mail/facebook/twitter, just to name a few) and focusing on my family, and me, and God. Not necessarily in that order.

That said, really the only blogging day I will skip is Wednesday (I'm pre-posting this on Sunday...)

Annabelle's heart cath/biopsy is on Thursday, so I'll definitely update then.  Our hope is that it is outpatient, but there is a good chance we'll have to stay a night, which I am okay with if that's what is needed.

Her cath is another reason I feel like I need to focus my thoughts this week. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I am. There is a chance they might balloon one of her pulmonary arteries, and they'll get a good look at everything, including pressures and of course, will do the biopsy to make sure she doesn't have any rejection.

Oh, that reminds me! One year post transplant (only 2 weeks and 1 day away!) brings a few changes!

One of her anti-rejection meds is now 2x per day instead of 3x. This would make us down to only giving meds twice a day (10 and 10) instead of 4 times (6, 10, 2, 10), except that she still has a blood pressure med that is 3x... but it is on my list of things to ask, whether we can change that to 2x soon as well. AND... one of her prophylactic meds got taken off too! That makes us down to 9 medications! It would have been 8, but they added another one at her most recent hospital stay.

That's still a lot, but MUCH better than the *20* she came home on last summer!

Anyway, they changed the meds a week before hand, so when we do the cath, we'll see (I guess...) how her body is taking the lessened amount of medication. This also changes our clinic time too, so another thing I have to figure out schedule-wise!

Okay, this "I'm not going to blog" post has now gotten longer than I'd planned, HA! Your prayers this week both on the home-front and on the heart-cath-front are super appreciated! Thank you all!!

9 comments:

Sherrinda said...

Krista, I will be praying for you this week. I kinda had a small insanity moment Sat. and decided to just start cleaning. The dust from the nightmare construction sent me over the edge. I ended up cleaning out the fridge, microwave. windows...I felt soooo good after it was done. Weird, I know.

Norm said...

Krista,

I've been in the same place for the last month or so. Tired. Impatient. Short with Alison and the kids. And our house is ALWAYS a mess. I'm hoping a little spring break time off will get my head straight.

We're so happy for Annabelle and her 1st heart birthday. I remember this time last year we were having Witt's first birthday party when I saw the news about Annabelle's heart. We were having a big community birthday party event for Witt's birthday and we asked everyone there for their prayers for Annabelle. This year's birthday party is going to be much more low key but our family will be praying for Annabelle never the less. We'll be praying for a great cath with no rejection, perfect heart function, and no need to balloon her pulmonary artery.

Norm

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

I'm glad you are taking a break. I'm feeling the same lately. Overwhelmed with everything- but when I get that way, it usually means I have taken too long of a break from blogging. So back to it for me! :o)

I'm praying for you guys this week.

I'm so thankful that the 1st year is coming so quickly, but I'm also remembering the family who is grieving their first year without their baby. So many blessings in the darkness, but the darkness is still there....

Love you and your family very very much!

Krista Phillips said...

A moment of honesty: I'm trying not to think about that part. Not right now anyway, with the cath coming up. My emotions are so fragil at the moment and whenever I start to think about that other baby, I just get panicked and want to cry even more. I start thinking about the what-could-have-beens and what-might-still-to-be's and it is not a place I can live and keep my grip on sanity.

Call it avoidance or cold-heartedness, but yeah. My heart hurts for that family more than I could ever express. Knowing that their child's heart beats in my daughter is... wonderful and scary and sad and overwhelming all at the same time.

My biggest fear is that the family will somehow find my blog and read posts like today's and think, "HOw can that woman complain, she HAS her child..." and they are right. And I feel a ton of guilt about it. *sigh* Anyway, I'm rambling, and promised myself not to do this today, so I'm off to clean my house! (this is what I do on MY break!)

Sarah Forgrave said...

Good for you, Krista. I'm sensing a need to start saying "No" more myself. Praying for Annabelle's cath!

Tammi T. said...

God must be speaking to me about "time management" tonight. I was just at Bowen's sight and read someone's comment about "time management" and then I come here and you're discussing something similar.

I will be praying for you, Krista; as well as for Annabelle and her heart cath on Thursday.

Jennifer B said...

I know it's probably inappropriate to say this but try Cymbalta ... I went on it after my son's open heart surgery and it has made a huge difference with how I interact with my 3.5 year old twins!! It keeps you on an even keel and the mess around your house just won't bother you! Ha!! Good luck! We'll be praying for the heart cath results on Thursday!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being so authentic in sharing the real life issues all us Mom's face. My house is always a mess too and I raise my voice way too much. Just think one day when all our children have moved out...we will have clean houses...we may even miss the mess (do you think? ....is that possible)

Praying for your little sweetheart!
:)Shannon

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and Annabelle tonight. May God bless and keep you in his loving arms through this week.