I fully planned on sharing my Phillips' Christmas Wonderland pictures today...
but my house is a mess and I haven't had time to clean, so pictures will JUST have to wait! Next week:-)
I'm writing this late Tuesday night... when I really should be asleep.
Somehow I ended up reading through a bunch of my blog posts from back when Annabelle was first born and went through her first surgery.
Wow, the memories.
As I read the blog post asking for prayer after her first crash, I cried. I haven't gone back to that night in my brain much, because it was the most scary, humbling night I've ever had. I just remember receiving that call, hearing the words, "Your daughter has become severely decompensated... doing CPR... calling in the surgeon..." I remember screaming for my husband in that little sleep room at the hospital and falling to my knees, more afraid than I'd ever been in my whole life. Calling my mom, I don't remember if I even said anything, I was just crying hysterically and she said, "I'm leaving now."
That was the moment everything changed. We went from Annabelle doing better than we'd expected after surgery, beating all the odds and being a rockstar, to having one problem after another and that up and down roller coaster that hasn't really stopped since, although it has slowed down lately, thank God!
A lot of people have told me how strong they think I am, having watched our family go through this.
I'd like to set that record straight.
*I* am very weak. I've fallen to my knees more times, completely spent, more times in the past year than my whole life combined.
But the Bible says that God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. It is a hard concept for me. I come from a line of "strong" women who are a wee bit controlling (okay, fine, we're overbearing and a bunch of know-it-alls.)
Maybe though, the more we fall down to our knees, thus admitting our weakness and accepting that God is our strength, the more we get God's strength, and THAT is what people see.
I just got done reading Paul's letters to the Corinthians the other day, and one of the things that stuck out to me was how he boasted in his work for God. He made it clear that he wasn't boasting in himself, but only in the fact that he served an amazing, powerful God, and he wanted people to see the work that he was doing, and be encouraged to seek after God. He also wanted all the trials he'd gone through, the imprisonments and the physical afflictions to be proof of God's strength and power.
One of my favorites songs has some amazing lyrics:
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
So today... today, I boast in Jesus. I don't dare boast in my own strength, as it varies from day to day based on kids and hubby's moods, hormone levels and how many cookies I've let myself eat!