Last night got away from me, between watching Annabelle's O2 monitors like a hawk and talking with hubby when he got home.
It was almost midnight before I could actually sit down and have my time with Jesus, fulling intent on "stealing" back my joy! (see yesterday's post...)
I've been reading Paul's letters to the Corinthians lately, and was in II Cor. chapter 4. (I realize this makes me sound like some great person who is in the word everyday... I'm not, I'm good to get it out two or three times a week, but this too I am working on!)
Anyway, this happened to be pretty much the PERFECT chapter for me to read last night.
Here are a few highlight verses that I want to point out.
Vs 6 - 7: For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
Do you know just appropriate the term "fragile clay jar" was for me last night?
I was feeling oh-so-weak and about ready to crumble. I was thinking, I MUST not be trusting God or must be doing SOMETHING wrong to feel so incredibly crummy.
But I just smiled when I read this. I AM fragile... like a weak, crack-filled jar of a human that I am.
But God LOVES to use us like that. Because HIS light can shine through our chips and cracks. If we were this solid, thick jar with a cap on it... people would say, "Wow, look at that strong jar!" instead of , "Wow, look at that amazing light coming through that jar!"
THAT is what I want. I want you all to not see me, but see Jesus shining THROUGH me. I want to be so humbling bowed down before God that he shines through me and there is NO mistaking where my light comes from.
You'll recognize the next verses from a song...
Vs 8 - 10 : We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.
I feel like the devil has pressed in on me from every side this week, has perplexed me, hunted me and knocked me down.
But I am NOT crushed.
I am NOT driven to despair (not in the long term anyway!)
I am NEVER abandoned by God
I am NOT destroyed.
Vs 16 - 18 : This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
Oh, oh, OH! THIS is what I needed last night. I've been "fixing my gaze" on all the little things, like, uh, broken legs, that are small and won't last very long (cast to come off in 3 weeks!) Yet, going through tough things can bring us closer to God, and allow his glory to shine through us even brighter if we let it.
There is an old Skillet song that none of you have probably heard of. It was off their original album years ago (My husband was a panhead before they were so well-known)
Anyway, there is a line in it that says, "Soak my heart in gasoline, light a match consume me. Soak my pride in gasoline, all of you, and none of me."
It brings me back to the fragile clay pot. I think sometimes we thing "God will give us strength, he'll patch our holes" when really, he wants us to chip away at us and create NEW holes, because HE wants to consume us. This chipping will be a constant thing until we are in heaven and get our NEW bodies, which, in comparison, will be clear, transparent, unbreakable glass that allows God to shine through completely!
If you have a moment, Google Skillet gasoline lyrics. They are pretty powerful lyrics when you think of God lighting your heart on fire, consuming you, so there is less of you and ALL of Him.
So, those are my thoughts for today. As I said, I'm stealing back my joy.
Continue to pray for Annabelle. She's back off her oxygen (took it off around 4 in the morning, or at least that's when I found her waiving it high in the air!) She's still dipping some, but not so much, and to be honest, I don't think it's picking up well anyway because it is fluctuating more than humanly possible:-) One doesn't go from 78 to 98 in 5 seconds then back to 88 5 seconds later!
I did end up calling the doctor last night just to let them know what was going on. They concurred that it is probably because of pain, pain meds, and not having good sleep yesterday. Just going to keep an eye on her this morning to make sure she is "acting" okay once awake.
My plans keep getting interrupted by more important blog posts that I need to write! BUT, I am determined to start my Friday series as I want to.
What will it be called, you ask?
Well, I'm reinstating an OLD series I had on my blog a few years ago. It's called.... wait for it...
It'll be fun. I promise!
More details to come next week! (I know you are all just GIDDY with excitement... all I can say is, EAT YOUR CHOCOLATE NOW!)