Sunday, July 3, 2011

Confession Time

I have a confession to make.

I'm... a girl!

I know... SHOCKER!

And along with being a girl, sometimes I can take big things in stride... and other times, little things, like oxygen concentrators, push me over the edge and make me want to scream really loud.

But then... I look at my husband, very much NOT a girl, and snicker that at how he can get mad as a hen when ants invade our kitchen, however is taking his lack of finding a job (so far) in stride. So I guess men can fret over small things and be good with big things too.

As a girl, though, I'm a bit more dramatic about it... :-)

That said, I'm over my immense anger at the concentrator of yesterday (see my venting post yesterday.) I just turned it up REALLY high (2 1/2 liters), made sure she was satting fine on the lower amount via the tank, and put her to bed. Checked her an hour later, and she was satting REALLY high so I turned it back down some. I'm fine with handling it that way for now, but WILL be calling the medical supply company on Tuesday.

Today though... it's a good day. Hubby and kiddos are at church, Annabelle and I had some good "PT" time this morning working on sitting up and rolling over, something I can't do much most days because of my crazy household. Mommy needed Annabelle time, and I think Annabelle needed just Mommy time too!

So, I'm sitting here, smiling, working a little on my new book, Annabelle is sleeping, and the house is quiet except for Worship Music I'm playing.

God is good. Even when oxygen tanks don't work right. Even when I get a little "girly" and dramatic:-) I'm so glad he understands and puts up with me!!!!

I was talking to my mom about this very thing the other day too. This last year has been hard, but looking back, I really see how I was able to put Annabelle in God's hands and trust him with her. It wasn't easy, and I had to make myself on several occassions, but I really did trust Him to handle her. I think it was just SO big and SO out of my control, I really had no other choice.

But for some reason, financial/money/insurance issues are MUCH harder for me to give to God. But really... they are MUCH more minor too. I had a not-so-encouraging conversation with the guy from the SSA Friday morning, and it put me into a tailspin. I won't go into the details right now, but I saw our financial future going down the proverbial toilet.

Fiannces is something I've always taken responsibility for. I shouldn't have, I know this now, but I did. I think my husband tried to at the beginning of our marriage, but I mowed him over thoroughly, thus taking the reigns.

So now God is requiring me to give it to Him, and my husband, and trust them with it, and I'm doing a shameful job of it, I'll admit. I keep saying... "But... But... But..." and in the back of my mind, have "emergency" plans just in case either of them don't follow through and I need to step in.

But since when do we need to "step in" for God?

I have a ton more to say on this, but I'm still letting it all stir in my brain and praying about it. What SHOULD a wife's responsibility be in this area? Questions to ponder...

Regardless of the answer though, I HAVE to learn to give it to Him and trust.

On the day I was fretting all about this (Friday...), I found out some really sad news about one little heart-baby I'd been praying for for months. And also found out Anna Reese (Annabelle's heart-friend) was being rushed back to the hospital. It was a big reality check about how "little" financial issues are. Annabelle being here with us is worth every single penny. I'd go into millions of dollars in debt if I had to. Do I want to? Nope. And I don't believe we will...but I just needed to get a little perspective. And funny, when I really calmed down and gave it to God, a few nuggets information that might help our situation came to light. God does fun things like that:-)

So here I am, giving it all over to God. Will probably have to do it yet again tomorrow. But God knows, and we trust Him!

7 comments:

Brittany Binkley said...

Giving it to God is never an easy task for most people. I have learned though that God understands and is always there with an open hand. I am so glad my lovebug is doing well. Miss you guys. Always praying for you.

Riete said...

I so understand. I'm a control freak myself so God has a hard time getting me to hand my life over to Him *sigh*. But we'll get there ... eventually ;)
It's a good thing God has so much patience though ;)

Yay for some Annabelle and Mommy time! Enjoy your Sunday!!

Patricia said...

Krista, Thank you for being brutally honest in your blogs. We have followed you since Dec. after seeing something about Annabell on Matt Hammits blog. We have been praying for Annabelle, cheered when she got her new heart, and cried when she had to go back to the hospital worried about rejection. So happy for your family that she is now home.
I am not one usually to write on blogs but your post today really hit home. I am a single mom of two wonderful kids, but finances are an area that I struggle to give wholeheartedly to the Lord. I was reading 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. I took this one step further and read about what my Jon Courson's application commentary bible has to say about this verse... I will paraphrase what he has to say. "Casting means something that most likely rolls back on you. Have you found after casting your cares on the Lord, your fine for a day or two but then the burden rolls right back on you? If so, know that is the way the Lord intends it to be. He wants us to stay in close touch with Him, and if we cast our care upon Him never to feel the pressure, the anxiety, the worry, we would not be people who pray. He wants to do something bigger then to take our burdens from us, he want to develop a relationship with us. The burdens and struggles that repeatedly roll upon us cause us to be linked to Him in continual prayer. So, cast your care upon Him over and over again knowing how deeply He cares for you." (Jon Courson)
I find this to be a real comfort, and I hope you do too. Blessing to you and your family this July 4th weekend.

Jenna said...

Hi
My name is Jenna and I came across your site. I would like to write a book about my battle and story, but not sure how. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and developmental delays, it is my dream to write a story. Annabelle is an amazing, beautiful, courageous, strong, determined fighter. She is a brave warrior, smilen champ and an inspirational hero. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and i love it when people sign my guestbook. www.miraclechamp.webs.com

Anonymous said...

continue to keep your lovely family in prayer.

Thank you for sharing about Anna Reese, she was on my heart the other day, Lifting them in prayer as well.

Typing fast a storm is here trying to shut down my computer, But God is in all storms. Amen
Love to you all.....

Sarah Forgrave said...

I always appreciate your honesty, Krista. And I'll keep praying for all the kinks to be worked out in God's timing.

Tammi T. said...

Krista,
I could really relate to what you said about the finances. You really sound a lot like me! I took over the finances, too, after first being married (or as you said, "mowed" over my honey) and God has been showing me that He can provide for us in so many unexpected ways. There have been times things look like a crisis but turn out to be blessings in disguise. Ex.: Last year, my husband was rear-ended by a truck. Nobody was hurt, thank God, but our car (that we had just bought "used" a few months prior) was totaled. My first reaction was, "Oh, great!" Then the insurance adjustor came. The money we received from the car was more than enough to pay-off the loan and we had enough left to purchase another used car. This time, with no loans. It was an older, high mileage car but it was going to be just for my husband to drive "to and from" work. Now, we no longer had a car payment. A few months later, my husband was laid-off work. I look back at that wreck now as a blessing. It took a big expense away and provided another car but without payment. I see this as God at work...even though I wouldn't have known it at the time. God will do the same for you. He will provide. You might not always know where it is going to come from but He is faithful.

I will continue to pray for you. May God bless. Hang in there. (Also, I'm happy to hear you had some "mommy" time with Annabelle and were also able to spend some time writing your book.