I have a confession to make.
I'm... a girl!
I know... SHOCKER!
And along with being a girl, sometimes I can take big things in stride... and other times, little things, like oxygen concentrators, push me over the edge and make me want to scream really loud.
But then... I look at my husband, very much NOT a girl, and snicker that at how he can get mad as a hen when ants invade our kitchen, however is taking his lack of finding a job (so far) in stride. So I guess men can fret over small things and be good with big things too.
As a girl, though, I'm a bit more dramatic about it... :-)
That said, I'm over my immense anger at the concentrator of yesterday (see my venting post yesterday.) I just turned it up REALLY high (2 1/2 liters), made sure she was satting fine on the lower amount via the tank, and put her to bed. Checked her an hour later, and she was satting REALLY high so I turned it back down some. I'm fine with handling it that way for now, but WILL be calling the medical supply company on Tuesday.
Today though... it's a good day. Hubby and kiddos are at church, Annabelle and I had some good "PT" time this morning working on sitting up and rolling over, something I can't do much most days because of my crazy household. Mommy needed Annabelle time, and I think Annabelle needed just Mommy time too!
So, I'm sitting here, smiling, working a little on my new book, Annabelle is sleeping, and the house is quiet except for Worship Music I'm playing.
God is good. Even when oxygen tanks don't work right. Even when I get a little "girly" and dramatic:-) I'm so glad he understands and puts up with me!!!!
I was talking to my mom about this very thing the other day too. This last year has been hard, but looking back, I really see how I was able to put Annabelle in God's hands and trust him with her. It wasn't easy, and I had to make myself on several occassions, but I really did trust Him to handle her. I think it was just SO big and SO out of my control, I really had no other choice.
But for some reason, financial/money/insurance issues are MUCH harder for me to give to God. But really... they are MUCH more minor too. I had a not-so-encouraging conversation with the guy from the SSA Friday morning, and it put me into a tailspin. I won't go into the details right now, but I saw our financial future going down the proverbial toilet.
Fiannces is something I've always taken responsibility for. I shouldn't have, I know this now, but I did. I think my husband tried to at the beginning of our marriage, but I mowed him over thoroughly, thus taking the reigns.
So now God is requiring me to give it to Him, and my husband, and trust them with it, and I'm doing a shameful job of it, I'll admit. I keep saying... "But... But... But..." and in the back of my mind, have "emergency" plans just in case either of them don't follow through and I need to step in.
But since when do we need to "step in" for God?
I have a ton more to say on this, but I'm still letting it all stir in my brain and praying about it. What SHOULD a wife's responsibility be in this area? Questions to ponder...
Regardless of the answer though, I HAVE to learn to give it to Him and trust.
On the day I was fretting all about this (Friday...), I found out some really sad news about one little heart-baby I'd been praying for for months. And also found out Anna Reese (Annabelle's heart-friend) was being rushed back to the hospital. It was a big reality check about how "little" financial issues are. Annabelle being here with us is worth every single penny. I'd go into millions of dollars in debt if I had to. Do I want to? Nope. And I don't believe we will...but I just needed to get a little perspective. And funny, when I really calmed down and gave it to God, a few nuggets information that might help our situation came to light. God does fun things like that:-)
So here I am, giving it all over to God. Will probably have to do it yet again tomorrow. But God knows, and we trust Him!