Thursday, June 9, 2011

More major bad news

It has not been a great night.

Annabelle got increasingly fussy, crying in pain when there really should be no reason for pain. We gave her pain meds, and it only helped mildly, and she was working harder to breathe.

They took a blood gas, and it was off the chart. Literally. Her CO2  was >115... 115 is as high as the measuring goes. They emergently put her on the ventilator at 4:00 a.m. this morning.

It is almost unreal to me. Less than 48 hours ago we were at HOME doing not great, but decent. How in the world could things have spiraled down so fast? I'm just... in shock.

I put music on from my phone for Annabelle in the middle of the night, trying to calm her down. The song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Grobin came on.

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be."

What it me is that, it doesn't say "calm the stormy seas" it says "walk" on stormy seas. That's what struck me.

Earlier this week, before her heart cath, I just had this overwhelming feeling that everything wasn't going to be nice and neat, and that God was preparing me for it to be a rocky road. I don't say that because I didn't have faith, but because I think God knows me, and he was helping raise me up to be able to walk on this very, very stormy sea.

We were scheduled for 2nd case OR tomorrow, with the hope that we could put it off until Friday or Monday.

But it is looking like they will most likely bump us to 1st case given her rapidly worsening condition.

I just... I'm just still begging. Pleading, God to heal her and make this work. The doctor's aren't certain that this is what is wrong, but are taking their best guess. If it doesn't work, I'm just not sure what the next step is. I really really want my smiling Annabelle back, the one I can dress up and cuddle and rock and play with. I want to work on what seems like really minor things now, like eating, and rolling over, and sitting up, and talking.

I really really do, Jesus. Please.


A very sad picture... And I just realized when I was posting this... that today is Annabelle's 2-month heart birthday. *sigh*

46 comments:

Verena said...

Praying, praying, praying for your little girl and for your family.

schneiderboy said...

Praying...

Katie Ganshert said...

Lord Jesus - please, Lord, please heal Annabelle. Please soak Krista and her family in a peace that makes no sense. Give her strength that comes only from You Lord, to walk on this stormy sea. To draw so near to You that she doesn't know where she ends and You begin. Hold her. Hold Annabelle. And by the power of your mighty hand, bring healing. Oh Lord, bring healing. We beg You, at the foot of your thrown, that when the storm ends, Annabelle would be healthy and in Krista's arms at home. Lord, please. For your abundant glory. In Christ's name, Amen.

Katie Ganshert said...

My heart is aching for you right now, Krista. I'm on my knees for Annabelle.

Fishers of Men said...

Thank you in the midst of everything for keeping us posted - your blog is the first thing I check each morning, and several times throughout the day, and I appreciate your long, but actually quite simple explanations. I do not know what else to do but to cry out to God for you! Our kids (all 17 of them) are praying too! Love,
Julie

Riete said...

I'm praying and praying, standing in faith with you that Annabelle will get better!

{{{HUGS}}}}

Anonymous said...

Oh Krista I want you to know that we are all praying today! With tears I read this week; I know that I can't fully understand what you are going through. Yet I know that God loves you Krista! With an all consuming, powerful love. He sees you Krista and is right there with you today. He knows your heart. He hears our prayers. He promises "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." I pray that Jesus lifts you up today; that His strength and peace flood your heart. I pray for Annabelle's doctors that they will be given wisdom. I lift up Annabelle, God's beautiful creation! That he will wrap her in his protection and strength.
Angie

Norm said...

Heavenly Father, Krista has been an example to us all in her faith and testimony of your amazing glory and grace. I just pray to you this morning that you lay your healing hands on precious Annabelle. That you heal her coronoary artery, pulmonary artery, left ventricle, and anything else that ails her now so that she may go home with her loving family. Throughout all of this and in the days, weeks, and years to come protect Annabelle's new heart from rejection. I pray that throughout this you give strength to Krista and Scott and shower them with your unmeasurable and ever powerful love. I pray this in the name of our glorious savior Jesus Christ.

The mom of 4 monkeys! said...

Oh God, Please... I will be praying...

Bonnie R. Paulson said...

Hang in there. There are quite a few of us beside you on those stormy seas, praying and watching and hoping. You are not alone.

Marybeth Poppins said...

I'm praying for you and your family right now. May God shine down on you with his blessings and help you through this difficult time.

<3 hugs <3

Terri Tiffany said...

Praying for all of you!!!

Melanie said...

Just read your blog before leaving for work and just lifted you all up in prayer. You all will be in my thoughts and prayers all day. May you feel God's presence with you all and I pray for wisdom for the doctors.

jacobcassie said...

So sad to wake up to this post. Praying. :(

Keli Gwyn said...

I'm up early in California and am lifting Annabelle and her medical team in prayer. I'm praying for you and Scott, too. May you feel God's loving arms around you.

Jenny Lincoln said...

Praying for Annabelle!!! (((Hugs)))

Carole said...

I have been reading your blog for quite a while and I just wanted to leave a comment to tell you that I am sure there are many, many others like me who have been "lurking" and reading Annabelle's story and who have been praying and praying for her (and the doctors, and you and your family). I just wanted to come out of the woodwork and let you know that I have been praying, and especially praying for you all this morning. I truly admire how you are showing God's glory through all of this. But I am also praying that you have shown enough of His glory for now and after this it can be smooth sailing!!! :-) (((HUGS)))

Jean M said...

Praying!!

Christin said...

I don't even know what to say. Lifting poor little Annabelle up to her Heavenly Father and asking God for healing.

Sarah Forgrave said...

Praying God holds you up, even when you feel like you're drowning.

Montana Momma said...

Praying for little Annabelle, and your entire family. Asking God to give all the doctors and nurses caring for your precious baby girl wisdom and knowledge to get everything sorted out... and for peace for Momma!

Grammy said...

Praying for this precious baby & all of you.
From the words of a song..."Beside this deep valley's a mountain so high. Fear fills my heart, as tears sting my eyes, I know He's with me so we start to climb, Jesus is holding my hand."

Jesus is holding Annabelle in His hands.

Danna said...

Praying

Karen Lange said...

Praying, Krista, praying.

Casey said...

Praying, praying, praying!

Mary Connealy said...

Krista, one of my very favorite songs in hard times is Mark Schultz 'He Will Carry Me'
Here is the chorus.

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow

I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me

And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle

He is all the strength that I will
Ever need

And He will carry me

Pam Hillman said...

Tears falling and prayers ascending for you and your sweet, sweet Annabelle!

Ruth Logan Herne said...

Praying...

and crying.

But I bless you and thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know how special that is, what a wonderful courageous woman you are.

I'm blessed to know you. Even if I DO yell at people a lot.

Hope's Blog said...

Praying so hard for Annabelle today. I know it is going to be a new journey again, but God will lift you up again.

Carol J. Garvin said...

Adding my prayer to so many others. Praying for Annabelle's healing and your strength in this horrendously difficult time.

Ralene said...

Praying always. Thank you for keeping us updated. Know that you are not alone. *biggest hugs*

Erica Vetsch said...

Praying for you and Annabelle. I know I don't always comment, but you are in our thoughts and prayers every day.

Kathy Harris said...

Krista, I'm adding my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you!

Patty Smith Hall said...

Praying for your baby girl and for you, sweetie.

Faye said...

Our prayers are with you and your family, Krista.

serendipiteeblog.com said...

Praying, praying, praying

Tammi T. said...

Lifting up a lot of prayers and sending a lot of hugs!

Anonymous said...

I don't know you or your family but I have been following your blog for several months. My prayer for Annabelle is that her heart would work perfectly and that she is able to live a long healthly life. Praying for your baby girl!

Anonymous said...

Praying!!!! Father God, you are the all powerful, the all merciful God! Hold this sweet sweet Annabelle in
Your arms and heal her Lord! Hold her entire family in
Your arms Father and wash them in your strenghth and
Peace Father! Let this family be whole Together Father!
In Your Son's precious precious name I pray!

Joanne Sher said...

Absolutely praying.

Jimmy B. said...

Travis is keeping us posted, and we sometimes see your comments (like this one). We are praying for her and you.....all the family, during this extremely trying time.

Gina Conroy said...

Come, Lord Jesus! COME!

Anonymous said...

Krista and family,

We are praying without ceasing.

Praying for a comfortable night for your baby girl...
Praying for peace that passes understanding..

Praying without ceasing.

Linda

Deborah Raney said...

Adding my prayers to the hundreds going up for you today.

Anonymous said...

Iam praying for annebelle before the Blessed Sacrament. I know that she will be OK. God has a plan for her fo good. Jeremiah 29 11-12...