Monday, May 9, 2011
One Month Anniversary
A month ago today, I was wringing my hands, excited and petrified at the same time. It was finally heart day... the day we'd all waited for for three long, but at the same time short, months.
And a month later, we're still here.
I'm okay with that though, mostly. (Geez, I sound very indecisive today!!) I had prepared myself to spend about a month in the hospital post-opt. They say "average" is 3 to 4 weeks hospital stay post transplant. When they told me we'd be going home at around 2 weeks post op, I smiled and nodded. And didn't believe them at all. Partially because Annabelle has NEVER beat the average. But mostly because somewhere in the depths of me, I think God was whispering, "It's not time quite yet, Krista." So I prepared for her to come home, got everything ready just in case, but was trusting God that she would come home at the BEST time for her, when she was truely ready to be home.
And as dumb as it sounds, I'm glad she didn't. I know we would have gotten home, and she would have had breathing issues and we would have come right back, and oh my, that would have been disappointing. I'm glad we got her diaphragm surgery out of the way while we were here. I want her at her BEST when she comes home and sees her home for the first time. I don't want her barely keeping her SATS up and me being scared to go to sleep for fear that she'll stop breathing while I'm not watching.
Granted, I'm probably gonna worry about that anyway, but still.
Annabelle is doing well this morning. Fever free since 2 p.m. yesterday. Finally down to a half of a liter of oxygen again. Her lungs are MUCH clearer (Doctor's said we should frame her Xray this morning because it's one of the best we have ever seen...and looking at it, I concur! I saw AIR instead of FLUID... WOOHOO!) and while she is coughing some, they are good productive coughs.
Her numbers that were elevated WAY high over the weekend (for those of you who like to know numbers, her CPR was 374 at the highest and her white count was 24... these should both be like under 10) are now trending down. Unsure if she had a virus and they are trending down because she is over it, or if she had an infection brewing and her antibiotics are helping. We are still waiting cultures to find out for sure.
When she comes home is directly related to the outcome of that, and how fast we can get her on NO oxygen.
She still has a chest tube in as they still see a little concerning spot, but they'll reevaluate tomorrow and hopefully it will come OUT!
Yesterday in my bible reading, I read Romans chapter 8 (specifically vs 18 through end of the chapter.) Verse 18 starts out by saying, "Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later."
THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!
I think sometimes we are under the belief (and I apologize if this denominational) that as Christians, we are not supposed to suffer. That our bodies are not supposed to hurt. And if we DO suffer and we DO endure pain, it is because of a sin that we have committed or because we aren't having enough faith in God that he will heal.
I just can't agree with that. The past nine and a half months have sealed the deal. Annabelle was born into a fallen world, as part of a fallen creation. It was by no fault of hers (or mine) that her heart was damaged. It was purely due to the fact that sin is IN our world and bad things happen, even to those of us who are saved by God's amazing grace. Verse 23 (NLT) says, "And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised."
I'm reminded that even though Annabelle has a new, functioning heart, her body is not perfect. And it won't ever be. She's having lung issues, and she is always at a risk of her body turning against her heart and rejecting it. She's at a much higher risk for all cancers, and a myriad of other issues.
And it will be something she has to deal with the rest of her life. But for believers, there is hope for our future Glory... God only gives us a taste of it now. Annabelle is a GREAT example of God giving us a taste of a "new" body in Him. Only our new bodies will be "risk free", with no consent form to sign with all the possible side effects or risks involved.
I DO believe God heals in this life though. The Bible is full of times he has chosen to heal. And since our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, I believe he still chooses to do so. But our healing is temporary, we all will die (I'm betting even Lazarus, who Jesus raised from the dead, eventually died again at some point...), and is only a small foretaste of the work God will do in us when we go to heaven and no longer live in a sin-filled world.
Maybe this doesn't help anyone else, but I needed this. Sometimes to accept the reality we are in helps us to face the coming days.
My reality today is that Annabelle is doing well. Hopefully going to the "floor" today! And I'm embracing every moment with her and the rest of my family.
And God is still Good. Every second. Every moment.
Mommy and her girls! Having all my girls with me was the BEST Mother's day present EVER!
My whole family... hopefully soon we'll have a picture of this on our couch... at HOME!
Mommy and Annabelle. Ahhh, what a way to end Mother's Day! (and ha, I just noticed Annabelle's like, Um, look at the imaginary time on my imaginary watch... time for me to get back in bed, watch some Veggietales, and go to sleep Mom. Also time to get this flower off my head! I can barely see!)