My eyes are closing on their own as I type. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted... doesn't help that it's almost midnight, but whatever. I won't have time to write tomorrow so thought I'd update tonight.
Funny of the day:
I got in trouble at Chuck E Cheese. (and tweeted that it was chuckie cheese, which really shows how tired I am since I couldn't spell it right) Anywho, dropped my girls off since they had a birthday party, and as we were leaving, the evil (I mean sweet) lady at the front asked what we were doing leaving with our kids still there. I explained that they were with a party and we were coming back, and she was like, fine, leave. Then while she was telling my hubby how to undo the little roped gate thing because she was too busy to do it for us, I just rolled my eyes and do what I'm famous for, took matters into my own hands and stepped over the very short step-overable rope.
Evil sweet lady was not pleased. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO NOT do step over the rope. You're teaching kids bad things!"
In a move I'm not proud of, I snickered and just walked on. Not very Christian of me. I probably should have apologized. But I gotta be honest. I found it hilarious. A little irritating to be talked to like I'm ten, but whatever. It was funny.
Anyway, back to non-chuck-e-crime issues.
We got our letter back from Boston Children's today. To explain everything would be quite long, but to summarize... we are staying the course with transplant. Scott and I both feel that at this point and time, this is what God is leading us to do. Boston reiterated that a bi-ventricular repair, even though she has the volume needed, would be dangerous right now because of her poor heart-muscle function. There is a chance it could improve, but that is small. And the course we'd have to take to do the bi-ventricle repair is full of many surgeries, long odds, and much suffering by not only Annabelle physically, but my other children and husband as well.
This said, I view life as a road trip of sorts, with God being the navigator.
I think sometimes we view him as saying, "Go down I40" and when every exit comes, we look at him and say, "Do you want us to take this one?"
Sometimes he says yes, and we do.
But sometimes that stop off is just at a rest area or to gas up, and then he says, get back on the interstate.
Other times, we take that road to another interstate... or take the long way.
We don't know why we take the turns we do. We don't know why we don't stay on the same road that he started us on. Maybe there are wrecks ahead, slow traffic, or maybe he just wants us to take in the scenery for a bit.
I'm reminded that our journey isn't complete until we are in heaven, until we've completed all the stops and things God has for us in this life. WE have no clue how long the trip will last.
Example: Writing. So many, myself included, feel God calling them to write (fill this in with any other dream that you persue.) We start down the road to publication, and all is looking well, but to be honest, many of us don't make it. There are a LOT of people out there wanting to write a book and do, but not a lot of people that make it to the "published" destination. Then we start to question... did God REALLY call us to do that?
Yep. He did. But just because he started us down one road, doesn't mean that there aren't turns that he wants us to take off of that. Does that make any sense?
I'm viewing Boston as one of those. It was really clear to us that it was a road we at least needed to start down. We needed to get the MRI, get the second opinion, and really examine the option. But in the end, God said to get back on the transplant interstate.
He had a reason for our detour though. I've learned a lot in the last few weeks, both about Annabelle's condition, and about myself. I've come to a place where I understand "obediance" to God, maybe not completely, but a lot better than I did before.
It's easy to obey when something makes sense. Not so easy when something seems crazy and out there.
Look at poor Noah. Everyone was rolling their eyes at him.
I feel like I needed to get to the place where I could say and really mean, "God, as crazy as this is, even though I have NO idea how we are going to do this, if you want us to go down this road, we will." It was like starting down a road with an empty tank of gas and having faith that God would fill it.
Okay, so I've probably beaten this analogy into the ground, but it's how I feel today.
Today, I know that heart transplant is what God wants us to go toward. And I'm praying that we'll continue to listen to any future turns he asks us to make.
It is now 2 minutes into tomorrow, and my eyes are drooping, so GOODNIGHT! THANK YOU for your prayers for us during this time, and I'll update again in a few days. Right now, Annabelle is sleeping, doing well, and stable.
Now all we need is a heart. *sigh*