Monday, December 13, 2010

We're moving up!

We're moving up... eventually!

Annabelle has been incident free since her trip back down to the ICU last week. They actually approved her to go back to the floor on Saturday, but there were 3 others ahead of her to go to the floor and since there weren't that many rooms available... they decided Annabelle was a good case to stay a little longer.

Same story on Sunday... only one room available and one other little girl was doing really well, and with Annabelle's history, they decided she was the best one to stay another day.

Enter Monday. Again, we are floor bound, but this time there isn't even one room available. Dur! They told me all day that there was a high probability that we would be moving later in the day, and at one point had called me at work saying, "we're moving tonight!" but then called five minutes later and said, 'Nevermind!"

So, we are staying another day in the ICU. Tomorrow SHOULD be move day for us!

As excited as I am about this step, it is also bittersweet. We said goodbye to a precious little boy in the PICU on Saturday. His mom and I had gotten to be good friends, had shared a ton of laughs, a bucket full of tears, and more hugs than I could count. She and I and another mom on the floor always shared our dinners together, congregated at each other's rooms, and got in trouble for breaking "rules" together (not any important ones, no worries!) We vented our hospital frustrations and made silly faces to make the other one smile on bad days.

Saturday was just awful, I have to say. Part of me feels guilty. She's struggled and loved her little James just as much as I have for Annabelle. She stayed by his side and fought for him. She prayed till there were no words left. She sacrificed and in the end, God said no, I want to take him home. It's not fair. It stinks. Annabelle is on the mend FINALLY and is making it to the next level, a level James never got to see.

Then another part of me is scared to death. As well as Annabelle is doing, reality is slapping me in the face. It's been a huge roller coaster, and on more than one occassion we almost lost our Annabelle too. She still has 2 more open heart surgeries, two more sets of "risks" to get through, and even then life for her will be an uphill battle. We are not promised a tomorrow with Annabelle, or that we won't eventually face the same situation.

Yet a whole other part of me feels emmense relief. My Annabelle is still here. We can take that next step, get to the floor and hopefully home. I may not be able to spend Christmas with Annabelle at home (still a SLIGHT possibility that she could come home by then, but it's slimmer everyday...) but at least she is still HERE for Christmas. We can still load her crib up with presents and take her picture and dress her up in red and white.

*sigh* So yes, this is a bittersweet week for me. Please keep momma Tosha, daddy Todd, big sister Emily, and big brother Jonathan in your prayers, that God will continue to cover them with peace and grace and strength.

And pray that Annabelle likes the 6th floor this time.

And that mommy does fall apart trying to juggle it all, which is looking like a possibility more and more everyday! Sanity, where for art thou?

Sorry, no pictures. Will have some maybe tomorrow off Annabelle and her BIG MOVE!

6 comments:

Erin said...

I just started reading about Annabelle. I will keep her in my prayers (and all who love her).

Julie Jarnagin said...

Praying for your move and for your friend!

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Krista -

Love the pictures of your beautiful daughters!

This is a time to regroup, pray, and gain strength. Enjoy your family and the blessing of little Annabelle.

We're praying for all of you.

Blessings,
Susan

Wendy Delfosse said...

Happy to hear you're moving up again! I've sent the link for your blog on to some who have followed up to ask about how Annabelle is doing. I hope you'll be able to rest mentally/keep it together. Hmm, think I'll pray for that now, actually. I just can't imagine the strain.

Jaime said...

Krista, continued prayers for your and your family and dear little one. I'm also praying for James' family. With my own brief stint in the NICU with my little gal, it was enough to witness the grief and pain that so often visits. And the exhaustion. So I pray today for an extra measure of grace for you!

Nunzia said...

I know what you are describing well. And I fully agree with your take on things. Better to be joyful and hopeful than filled with doubt. Will surely be praying for you.