So, I think the devil doesn't like me happy.
All day yesterday and today I was/am EXSTATIC at the thought of Annabelle being home for Christmas. About 98% of the time I am GREAT and PUMPED and truly believing that God is answering our prayers with a resounding YES.
But then another part of the time, the realist in me says, "But what if she doesn't get to come home... what if you get all way excited and now you've told everyone and now you'll be horribly disappointed and everyone will pity you if she doesn't..."
But then everywhere I looked today I felt like God was affirming her homecoming. Mostly in little things, but little messages kept coming into my head and things people would say, even about totally different things, would just be like an affirmation.
Then at the same time, it was a heck of a day. I won't get into all the ins and outs, but everywhere I turned something frustrating would happen.
So here are a few of my conclusions:
1.) The devil doesn't want me to be happy. A big DUH here.
2.) Faith is HARD. Even a little mustard seed of it! You here people say, "Just have faith." but really, there is no JUST about it. To believe, truly believe, in something that has not happened is huge. We put very Christian tags on it and say, "If God wills..." so we have an out if it doesn't happen. I'm a big "God will" er because I think, rarely, have I felt that God "told" me something before hand. Does that make any sense? It's late... I'm probably rambling...
3.) You know the saying, it's better to love and to have lost, than to have never loved at all? Well, I also think it is better to hope and live in excitement then to never hope and live in a constant state of "it probably won't happen anyway." Some disagree with me... but right now I refuse to gloom and doom. I am going to BELIEVE and be EXCITED and if for some reason God says no... well, at least I had a week of being excited rather than a week of being gloomy!
Another thing. The doctor had said, "NO DESATS" and we could come home.
Ya know what? We've had NO DESATS so far. However, we have had 2 fevers, 1 bloody stool, diarrhea, and a high respiratory rate.
What do I say to this?? Get behind me Satan! That's what I say! UGH. So far, nothing that has occurred prevents us from going home... but if they KEEP occuring they very well might. So please please continue prayers!
Please pray too that my 2% of fretting will go away, as I REALLY don't have time for it this week! Gotta get ready for baby to come home!