Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Operation: DO NOT FRET

So, I think the devil doesn't like me happy.

All day yesterday and today I was/am EXSTATIC at the thought of Annabelle being home for Christmas. About 98% of the time I am GREAT and PUMPED and truly believing that God is answering our prayers with a resounding YES.

But then another part of the time, the realist in me says, "But what if she doesn't get to come home... what if you get all way excited and now you've told everyone and now you'll be horribly disappointed and everyone will pity you if she doesn't..."

But then everywhere I looked today I felt like God was affirming her homecoming. Mostly in little things, but little messages kept coming into my head and things people would say, even about totally different things, would just be like an affirmation.

Then at the same time, it was a heck of a day. I won't get into all the ins and outs, but everywhere I turned something frustrating would happen.

So here are a few of my conclusions:

1.) The devil doesn't want me to be happy. A big DUH here.
2.) Faith is HARD. Even a little mustard seed of it! You here people say, "Just have faith." but really, there is no JUST about it. To believe, truly believe, in something that has not happened is huge. We put very Christian tags on it and say, "If God wills..." so we have an out if it doesn't happen. I'm a big "God will" er because I think, rarely, have I felt that God "told" me something before hand. Does that make any sense? It's late... I'm probably rambling...
3.) You know the saying, it's better to love and to have lost, than to have never loved at all? Well, I also think it is better to hope and live in excitement then to never hope and live in a constant state of "it probably won't happen anyway." Some disagree with me... but right now I refuse to gloom and doom. I am going to BELIEVE and be EXCITED and if for some reason God says no... well, at least I had a week of being excited rather than a week of being gloomy!

Another thing. The doctor had said, "NO DESATS" and we could come home.

Ya know what? We've had NO DESATS so far. However, we have had 2 fevers, 1 bloody stool, diarrhea, and a high respiratory rate.

What do I say to this?? Get behind me Satan! That's what I say! UGH. So far, nothing that has occurred prevents us from going home... but if they KEEP occuring they very well might. So please please continue prayers!

Please pray too that my 2% of fretting will go away, as I REALLY don't have time for it this week! Gotta get ready for baby to come home!

23 comments:

T. Anne said...

I'm lifting you all up high. I'm the same way, I'd rather focus in on ~Joy~ The Lord has given me waaaay too much hope not to.

Wendy Delfosse said...

I think I get ya on #2 - I use "Lord willing" frequently. It's not so much just an out, but more like I don't know or control the future & I don't want to act like I do.

Hang in there! I'm so hoping she gets to come home!

brokentogether said...

Followed the link to your blog site from Bowen's Heart. My family and I will be praying for you that you have no desats and that your precious little Annabelle is able to come home for Christmas.

heiresschild said...

i followed the link from Bowen's Heart also. will continue to pray for you and your family, especially for Annabelle to come home for Christmas.

Riete said...

Hi Krista, I'm from "Bowen's Heart". I'll be praying for no desats too.

And I totally agree ... it's far better to have hope and look forward than to stay in doom and gloom.

So, I'm with you in hope and faith that Annabelle will be home for Christmas!

Linda Phillips said...

God's Word IS His will!! He tells us in Ex. 15:26 that He is the God that heals. So we can remain confident that He will do what He says...if we stand on the Word and just believe it and obey it! God wants your family to be together. I am thanking Him for answering all the prayers and bringing our little "trooper" home in Jesus Name.To God be the Glory!!!

Gwen Stewart said...

Hi Krista,

I think there's all kinds of ways to have faith. Some of us are by disposition sunny and optimistic; others are more pensive or thoughtful. It's all okay! For me, I don't always expect things to go just as I planned. I expect things will go as GOD plans, and I know in the long run His plan is best. I'm praying your sweet bundle comes home. But if not, there will be a good reason....maybe not one you'll understand now, or next year, or when she's five years old. But someday, you will understand--for now we see through the mirror darkly, but then face-to-face.

May God bless you and wrap His arms around you. He chose a very special mommy for His daughter Annabelle. Never forget that. :-)

La Chica Espanola! said...

Hi, I just learned about your blog through Matt Hammitt's (Bowen's Heart) and I just wanted you to know that I'm praying Annabelle has NO DESATS so she can go home for Christmas!!!

Krista Phillips said...

Thank you SO much guys! I'm feeling ALL the prayers!

Blood poop update: So far her stomach xray looks fine! (or the resident who looked at it said it did... waiting for official radiology confirmation)

Talked to cardiologist... he still seemed to think that home was still a possibility, and I let him know that we had a TON of people praying for our Christmas miracle!

Oh, and about Faith: I DO use "Lord willing" a lot and I think sometimes, when we are unsure of GOd's will, this is a fine thing to pray. (I hope so anyway... because I do!) But it's a BIG step of faith when God impresses upon you to believe in something without the "but if"'s . He doesn't always do this... but it's what I'm dealing with this week. Probably the BIGGEST step of faith God has ever asked of me.

But... Here I step!

Jaime said...

Praying so much you!!!!

Julie said...

Krista,

Popped in from Bowens Heart blog. Just want to let you know that my family is praying for the Christmas miracle for your family.

Stay strong, stay positive...we all can get drowned in the "what-ifs" in life. We may not be able to change the circumstance but we certainly can change our reaction to it.

Praying the merriest of Christmas's for you all!

Hugs,
Julie

Life as a Levatino said...

I just followed the link from Bowens Heart blog. Just to let you know that I am praying for you and your family. I am also praying for Annabelle to come home for Christmas!!! Merry CHRISTmas!!!!

Angela said...

Praying satan stays behind you and Annabelle gets to come home for Christmas.

Wendy C said...

Thinking about you and Annabelle. I am praying God will let her go home for Christmas too.
Got my own son in the hospital but hope to be home by christmas as well! God willing! And it looks like he does.

heart hugs,
Wendy mom of 21 yr old CHD survivor- 5 open hearts

Keli Gwyn said...

Krista, how I hope and pray Annabelle is able to spend her first Christmas at home surrounded by her loving family. May the Lord uphold you as you forge ahead in faith.

Jenn said...

Krista, I am praying Annabelle HOME! I hope everything is going well today. It is really so much harder to have faith and hope than to just despair and expect the worst, so I am praying that God will grant you an extra measure of faith today as you wait and hope for news of a homecoming.

Mommato2miracles said...

Praying that Sweet Annabelle gets to be home for Christmas:-)

Karen Lange said...

Hang in there! Keeping you in prayer. :)
Hugs and blessings,
Karen

vmcrews said...

I know what you are going throw. Our 3rd daughter was born 11-9-10 and on 12-20-10 she had open heart surgery at Wolfson's Children's Hospital in Jacksonville, FL. It was so hard to see her after the surgery. I have to be strong for my 2 older daughters. I am so glad I ran in to a Woman today that told me about you guys. It shows that everyone can be affected be something like this. We are not guaranteed to have her home for Christmas but where ever she we are going have Christmas.

Beverley said...

Do remember that Christ Said "thy will not mine" in the Garden. So I would say as long as you truly are accepting of whatever His will brings, its ok. to say 'Lord willing'(I'm not a Bible-ologist[to use medical terms!]...thats just how I understand it). God wants to give us immeasurably more than we can even imagine....so lets imagine Annabelle at home!

Anonymous said...

Hi Krista,

I am coming over from little Bowen's site. I pray FOR NO de-sats!!!!!!

I am praying that Annabelle is HOEM for CHRISTmas!!!

Have you heard about Cole's Foundation? We have a prayer team that prays for families who are affected by pediatric cancer and other illnesses. You can visit www.colesfoundation.org to read about sweet Cole and his family's mission. PLEASE consider registering Annabelle. You can do it from the homepage and it only takes a few minutes.

♥♥ Love ya!! ♥♥
C.O.L.E.'s Foundation
(Caring Openly, Loving Eternally)
www.colesfoundation.com
Check it out it…a new feature for the Cole’s Foundation: http://www.colespages.org
Sandy

Beth W. said...

Praying for Annabelle to keep her sats up and be home for CHRISTmas!!

Tammi T. said...

Oh, when I first saw the word "Operation", my heart skipped a beat; but then I read the whole title. A little ironic considering my reaction just a few seconds earlier. I know the battle you are facing. I have been there, too. Remember what James chapter one tells us. Like you've already said, "It is hard", but when we are weak, He is strong.