In some ways it seems like this month has flown by, that it was just yesterday the doctor was looking at me like I was out of my mind, saying "Um, yes, that WAS your water that broke 15 hours ago... get to the hospital stat!"
But in many many other ways, it seems like the longest month of my life. I was reading over back blog posts last night where I wrote about how life seemed like a big roller coaster, but that my problems of the past felt puny, like I'd had a camera lens focused on them making them seem huge but when I zoomed out and saw the bigger picture, I realized that those little hills and valleys were silly compared to what I was (then) going through (i.e. the news of Annabelle's potential heart problem.)
I now can say, going through it, that I've zoomed out even more and have seen even bigger, faster, steeper climbs and drops. It's dizzying at times. Overwhelming, and downright scary.
But ya know? I've also learned to praise God even more when I experience the highs, and to cling to him even tighter when the bottom is dropping out from underneath. It's not an enjoyable experience, and I'll be SO very thankful when things calm down some, but I'm getting through it a day at a time.
And as much as I lament about how it feels for ME to go through all of this (and my hubby and family as well), I know it's nothing compared to what my little Annabelle is going through. Sometimes she just looks at me with such mournful eyes, and I can just hear her begging me to help her. When she squints her little forehead in pain, it about tears my heart out. It's a very helpless spot for a Mom. I KNOW she won't remember this. I do ... but my baby is still starting off with a very rocky roller coaster, and as a Mom I want to do everything I can to take the burden off of her. It is so frustrating when I can't!
Okay, so enough of my musings for the day. Onto Annabelle's update!
- Her blood pressure is still doing great.
- She LOOKS good-- her color and everything is great.
- She's handling her feeds well via her feeding tube.
- She's stopped throwing up. (she'd been throwing up stomach bile every couple of hours for a few days... this has stopped now.)
- She got her last chest tube out! A VERY big accomplishment!
- She's had a continual low-grade fever that they think is withdrawal from some of her medications they started to ween. They put them back up, so we hope it will stay down now!
- That she gains some weight with her feeds so she is stronger to handle breathing.
- Related, wisdom for the doctors about when to try and extubate her again, and that it is SUCCESSFUL this time!
- They are still draining some fluid via medicine as there is a little buildup in her chest. If that doesn't work, they MIGHT have to reinsert one of her chest-tubes. We're praying it doesn't come to that (although we also know it isn't uncommon.)
Now, go eat some cake and ice cream in honor of Annabelle! It's a good excuse, right?!?
I posted this to Facebook too because I loved it so much! I call it her hitchhiker pose! She has to have a hand splint because she was liking to hold her thumb under her fingers too much.