Friday, May 7, 2010

WHY

Anyone with a child from about 2 years old to 18 is intimately acquainted with the question "why." I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't the second word out of most children's mouths. "Momma.... why?"

  • Why do I have to brush my teeth?
  • Why does my sister get 2 cookies and I don't?
  • Why is the grass green?
  • Why do people die?
  • Why does my tummy hurt?
  • Why do I have to obey you?
  • Why can't I go to my friends house?
  • Why can't I dye my hair orange?
  • Why can't I get a tatoo?
  • Why do you have to be so MEAN?
  • Why can't I get a tongue-ring?
  • Why can't I date Joe Blow?
Why, WHy, WHY???

I've been told that I'm in the "why" generation. We aren't content with just because... we want to know WHY!

I admit, I am totally guilty of this. My view: We get stuck in a rut of doing the same thing over and over if we never question why we are doing something in the first place. Sometimes the reason is perfectly valid and we keep on doing it. Other times the reason is stupid and a change is needed.

But other times, we need to accept a "because I said" answer. With my kids, they need to accept it because regardless of the why, they need to learn to obey those in authority over them. On the flip side, I need to not use that as an excuse to not evaluate why I am telling them something. Is it really going to kill them to die their hair orange? Nope. I DO draw the line at the tattoo and tongue ring, and there are probably perfectly good reasons "Joe" should be banned from our house. (proverbially speaking... My eldest is 9, I'm hoping we have a while before we deal with Joe!)

But then we come to God. As adults, many of our why questions are directed at Him. A few ones that come to mind for ME in my life, both past and present:
  • Why did Jesus take baby Abigail (she was to be born between my first 2 girls) to Heaven so soon?
  • Why did Jesus not cure my Grandma from cancer?
  • Why did the rain have to hover over Nashville so long this past weekend?
  • Why doesn't my baby have a normal, healthy heart?
Some days lately I want to stomp my feet and demand answers of God.

But I don't. Because it is futile. Only God really knows the answer. I can surmise, guess, rant, scream, yell, but it does no good. God knows why, and his plan is greater than mine could ever be.

It comes down to trusting him. Being obedient even in the hard times when nothing makes sense.

When we lost Abigail, I thought my heart would literally stop beating. Knowing that my baby who was growing in my belly for 8 weeks was no longer there was incomprehensible. But on the ride home that day, I felt this strong sense of choice. It was like, clear as day, I had two paths in front of me. Neither would give me the answers I so desperately wanted. But one of them held the prospect of peace and being held in the arms of God. The other held bitterness, resentment, and hatred.

I could choose to accept God's will when there wasn't a "reason", or I could shake my fist at Him and blame everything on Him.

With barely even a second hesitation, I chose to trust God. There was no doubt in my mind. It was a clear path for me. Not saying it was easy, mind you, but just clear.

So now that I'm hearing frightening news about my new little baby girl Phillips, I have to sit down and make the same choice again. I gotta say, it's harder this time. I face the reality of having to see my baby go through painful surgeries and a whole lot of other things I can't even comprehend. But I choose this day to put my baby's life in God's hands, because I sure can't do any better, and I trust God.

I'm watching the telethon on TV tonight for the Nashville flood victims, and Alison Krauss sang a song that most of us know, but it had a huge new meaning to me tonight, both in wake of the Nashville floods that devastated the area and the news of our babies heart condition. I thought I'd post the words here, because oh my. They are so powerful to me tonight.

I KNOW WHO HOLDS TOMORROW

I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what lies ahead.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden's getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.

I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood.

Discussion: How are you at trusting God with the "why?" And I'll add... are you trusting him with your tomorrows as well?

**note** I'm also blogging my debut post at The Writer's Alley today, so feel free to stop by there too:-) Although, I must warn you, if you can't handle PDA, you might want to stay away. HA!

18 comments:

Jessica Nelson said...

Krista, I think it's so wise to make the choice to trust God. I can't imagine what you're going through but I hope I'd be as wise as you in a similar situation.
Thanks for being so honest and sharing.
I'm still praying for all of you.

Katie Ganshert said...

Oh my goodness, that song is amazing. I've never heard it before! Now I'm dying to hear her sing it. Thanks for sharing that song, Krista. What a blessing.

Christine Danek said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You are right that God only has the answers and we must trust them.
Thanks for sharing your courage and wisdom.

Sherrinda said...

I've never heard that song, but the lyrics are beautiful. I wonder if I can find it on YouTube. ;)
I love your trusting heart, Krista. I can't imagine what you are going through, but your smile (I can see it...I can hear it through your words) is a testimony to your faith.

God does indeed know and though we can't understand it all, we can trust that He knows. And He cares. And He loves us soooo very much.

Thanks for a lovely post, Krista! And your PDA's at The Writer's Alley were adorable!

Krista Phillips said...

A link to the song on youtube...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWKZVbG9egQ

Wendy Paine Miller said...

I so respect your choice. I admire it. When I went through something similar I shook a fist for awhile, but then fell into His arms--releasing the anger and pain.

Sending up prayers for you and your family.
~ Wendy

Diane said...

It's a difficult decision but surrendering to God and putting all things in His hands is the key. I learned this the hard way.... Happy Mother's Day! :O)

Jason said...

I ask God why all the time. I think He's big enough for us to ask why. :)

Krista Phillips said...

I agree, Jason. He IS big enough to handle our why questions. Geez, read the Psalms and you'll hear King David asking why all over the place.

But we have to make sure we're trusting him enough to accept his, "because I said so" answer:-)

Keli Gwyn said...

My heart aches for you and your hubby, Krista, as you deal with the news about your precious daughter's heart, wait for results, and do your best to cling to Christ in the midst of the fears and uncertainties.

I'm saddened to hear about the loss of your little Abigail. My husband and I suffered the same when I lost our first child at ten weeks. I asked why. Recently it struck me that we wouldn't have the daughter we were blessed with had I carried the first baby to term, since I got pregnant with her during the time I would have been carrying the first child. I can't imagine life without the Fashion Queen. Why God took the first baby is a mystery, but He gave us another blessing. And when it comes time for me to leave this earth, knowing I'll get to finally meet our first child makes Heaven seem just that much sweeter.

Erica Vetsch said...

Still praying. Thank you for sharing the song. It's a message we all need to hear.

patti said...

Krista, thank you for sharing such a poignant story. My mother lost three children at birth and had several other miscarriages; she too made this decision...

We are all a blink away from "trouble" in this world and will have heaps of it if we live long enough. Trust is the fine line between godliness and bitterness.

Blessings to you, dear one.
Patti

T. Anne said...

FIrst, I am going to hold your baby up in prayer for you. It is my honor to pray for your sweet baby's heart. Second, I love Alison Kraus and what a beautiful song. I choose Jesus and his peace too. It's not always easy but I lean hard on His promises and go from there. Be strong, have peace.

Kristin said...

Oh, Krista, I'm praying His grace and peace will wash over you and baby Phillips. What a beautiful song. I love her music. Thank you for sharing.

Karen Lange said...

Thank you for sharing this. Continuing to pray for you and your family.

Candee Fick said...

Thanks for sharing your heart and the lyrics to that amazing song. I love how God uses music to touch the deepest parts of our souls.

I've asked a lot of whys over the years. It's not easy to trust but it beats the alternative.

One day at a time. His mercies are new every morning for a reason.

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Krista -

When faced with my own "why" situations, I found trusting the Lord one day at a time worked. Looking too far ahead caused fear.

We're praying for you and the baby.

Blessings,
Susan

patti said...

Krista, am soooo gonna miss this daily encouragement (or thrice weekly, I guess) while I am gone
BUT SOMEONE will be coming by!!

Yep, it's a surprise!!
P